My guitarist is an #######! (surprise, surprise...)

[SlavaF]

This is my first time actually ranting about band members, but I think this situation deserves one.

My band (The Great Offenders) had a gig at a house party last night - nothing too serious, but a gig nonetheless. (Before I go any further, I should mention that both the drummer and guitarist in this band are 34, while I'm 18.) In his infinite wisdom, the guitard/singer decided to bring 1 guitar and NO spare strings, even though he's admittedly notorious for breaking strings. Sure enough, we get through all of ONE song before he breaks a string, and as luck would have it, the only other guitars in the house were lefties. So I guess we were done for the night.

Now I totally saw this coming, so naturally, I was pretty pissed off and called him out for it. Nothing overly rude, just something like "You know, some people actually bring spare guitars to gigs so stuff like this doesn't happen," among a few other things. Instead of admitting his mistake, he decides to tell me "not to ####### talk to him like that". Now I was really mad. And then the kicker - just before leaving the party, he walks up to me and tells me to #### off right to my face. At this point, I was completely furious. Being unprofessional is one thing, but that amount of disrespect he showed me afterwards was something else. I may be half his age, but I think it's still inexcusable to talk to band members like that. And besides, being so much older and more experienced than me, you would think he would know to at least bring a few extra strings for crying out loud.

At this point, the drummer and I aren't sure what to do about our diva guitarist, but I'm thinking he owes me an apology.

Wow, this was actually pretty therapeutic!

Any thoughts/advice/similar experiences?

[Muckaluck]

Yeah that really sucks. It's usually the weakest people who take their anger out on other people when they're angry at themselves.

Tough call on what to do now. Working things out with the guitarist would avoid the problems of breaking the band up but if this is an ego issue it might require a re-vamping of the band.

good luck man.

[hammong]

What are you hoping to get here, somebody saying "Yeah, man, you were right to belittle your lead axeman by reminding him of the fact he should have brought some spare strings."

Maybe you should call him and do the apologizing. Something along the lines of, "I knew you must have felt bad about not having spares on hand, and I didn't mean to upset you further by point out the obvious."

[SlavaF]

Yeah Hammong I see your point, but it doesn't change the fact that he made a mistake, and then instead of owning up to it, behaved like a complete d!ck to me just because of my age. We have had clashes like this before, and it irritates me that he acts all superior to me because of the age thing, and yet can't even come prepared to a gig. I think it's a frontman ego thing.

Anyways, our next practise is Tuesday, I'll go in with an open mind and hopefully this whole thing will sort itself out. Either way I think both of us need to apologize.

[TeeMartin]

He's 34, doesn't bring backup guitars and yells at 18 year olds. Why are you still in the band.

[!Rob!]

Originally Posted by SlavaF

Anyways, our next practise is Tuesday, I'll go in with an open mind and hopefully this whole thing will sort itself out. Either way I think both of us need to apologize.

Now you're on the right track....personally I don't think either of you handled this the right way (if there even is one). You were sarcastic, and he was rude. Just wondering if he would have reacted the same way if the drummer had said it, which would mean his reaction has nothing to do with your age.

Exact same thing happenen to me years ago, the gtr-ist DID have strings, but they were in our truck, 18 miles away. It was simply a mistake, he felt aweful (and was also twice my age). What we did was work together for a solution, sending the lightman to the hotel, played what we could and stalling the crowd a bit....I remember doing a really long version of Some Kinda Wonderful, drum solo etc...we got through it, got paid and still laugh about it till this day.

Just wondering, did you end up snaggin' a string from one of the leftys? How did you get through the night?

Think of it like this....in 100 years....who's gonna care.

[NKUSigEp]

Originally Posted by SlavaF

At this point, the drummer and I aren't sure what to do about our diva guitarist, but I'm thinking he owes me an apology.

Wow, this was actually pretty therapeutic!

Any thoughts/advice/similar experiences?

I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for an apology if I was you. Might be time to start looking for a replacement.

On the same token...it's not your job to babysit other band members. It's just a house-party setting and seemingly pretty laid back and just for fun, so who cares really?

If I'm playing with a group of guys I'm close with and respect, I'll bring an extra pack of strings for the guitarist "just in case". If it's more of a business-setting, I'll make it clear at the beginning that events like this (breaking strings w/no backup) are inexcusable and ya get one freeby. After that, we find a replacement or I'm walking.

[SlavaF]

Originally Posted by TeeMartin

He's 34, doesn't bring backup guitars and yells at 18 year olds. Why are you still in the band.

LOL give it a couple of days, we'll see where this thing goes. Don't get me wrong, the guy isn't usually a jerk, but we have had several clashes before so we're not exactly the best of friends anymore. Still, being realistic, finding a guitarist/singer that is as good as him all around (vocal ability, sense of rhythm, frontman ability, etc) would be a pretty tough thing to do. I think he was just embarrassed at the whole situation and me rubbing it in didn't help. What can I say, neither of us were totally sober at the time...

Thanks for the advice dudes, I have some things to consider.

[SlavaF]

Originally Posted by !Rob!

Now you're on the right track....personally I don't think either of you handled this the right way (if there even is one). You were sarcastic, and he was rude. Just wondering if he would have reacted the same way if the drummer had said it, which would mean his reaction has nothing to do with your age.

Exact same thing happenen to me years ago, the gtr-ist DID have strings, but they were in our truck, 18 miles away. It was simply a mistake, he felt aweful (and was also twice my age). What we did was work together for a solution, sending the lightman to the hotel, played what we could and stalling the crowd a bit....I remember doing a really long version of Some Kinda Wonderful, drum solo etc...we got through it, got paid and still laugh about it till this day.

Just wondering, did you end up snaggin' a string from one of the leftys? How did you get through the night?

Think of it like this....in 100 years....who's gonna care.

This is some great advice right here man, I appreciate it.

1) The drummer did have a little chat with Jay (guitard) afterwards, not sure exactly how it went down but I know for a fact that Jay didn't reply rudely. I guess the guy just isn't mature enough to take legitimate criticism from an 18 year old.

2) That sounds like a better way of handling the situation. At least he had the balls to admit to his mistake and tried to fix it, and now you have a cool gig story so that's awesome.

3) He snagged one off the other band's guitarist's backup axe. Wound it up, played a chord, and sure enough... SNAP! After that one I guess he didn't want to show his face there anymore so he just took off. I'm not kidding when I say that his greatest talent is breaking strings.

4) Good advice. If he is man enough to apologize, I can forget this whole thing ever happened. If not, I think it'll be time to start lookin' around.

[scootron]

I'm on your side 100%, but at the same time the guys who say play it cool probably have a point. I bitch and moan about guys who need to be babysat, but I still take extra strings for them (and an extra Strat just in case), along with my own extra gear.

BTW, the most reliable guy in our 7-man band is our 18-year old guitarist. It's not about age, it is about responsibility. Jake is always there, always ready to play, always tuned, mature beyond his years.

[Akami]

Not sure what kind of music you're playing, but he could have tried to repair the string, depending on where it broke, or played with 5 strings (hell, bass players do it all the time ).

Any player who's been on stage much should have been able to figure something out to save the gig.

I like your attitude though and it sounds like he'd be losing a good bandmate if you guys end up splitting. See how it goes at practice...

[Rune Bivrin]

One of the things you could do is talk to the guy about having his guitar properly set up. Most of the time when strings break (on guitars - never had one snap on my basses yet) it's because of a sharp edge on a nut or saddle. It's typically tracable because it's the same string breaking in the same place all the time.

On my 12-string guitar it used to be the thin G-string snapping at the bridge. All that was needed was a little polishing with steel wool and the problem was gone.

[Matt Till]

I refuse to deal with bs like that.

[hbarcat]

Originally Posted by SlavaF

...the guy isn't usually a jerk, but we have had several clashes before so we're not exactly the best of friends anymore. .... I think he was just embarrassed at the whole situation and me rubbing it in didn't help. What can I say, neither of us were totally sober at the time.

There are two seperate issues here:

1) You were admittedly nagging him and being sarcastic while you were both drinking and his telling you to f*** *** is at least understandable. It represents nothing more than two band members having a little alcohol fueled spat. Forget about it; it's unimportant (unless it happens all the time and then it becomes a "booze ruining the band" issue, which is a whole other topic.

2) He acted very unprofessionally by not bringing extra strings and there are only a few acceptable excuses like: "My girlfriend had to drive her sister to the hospital to get stiches in her left buttock because of a folding couch accident, so she took my car with my gig bag in it before I remembered it was in there." That's fine, just so that excuse doesn't get used every week.
But if his lack of preparedness is more along the lines of, "Extra strings? Who needs 'em? Usable cable? Screw that! Spare Fuse? That's for wusses!", then you've got a problem that can only be solved by replacing one guitarist.


Seriously, I would apologize for being rude the first chance I get when you next see him (and don't qualify it with any "but you should have..."). Just say something like, "I want to say I'm sorry for nagging you about the strings at the party. There's no excuse for being so rude. I was out of line and I apologize." It's the right thing to do and this type of sincere apology, more than anything else, will help to resolve your problem and get your band moving forward again. It will also make you look more like an equal adult in the eyes of someone who's almost twice your age (don't underestimate how important that can be). If your guitarist is a mature individual, he'll respond by either graciously accepting your apology or even adding one of his own (though it isn't strictly necessary). If he decides to respond to your humble apology with more insults, then he's a 34 year old immature baby and you shouldn't have to put up with that just to be in a band.

[Munjibunga]

Originally Posted by hammong

What are you hoping to get here, somebody saying "Yeah, man, you were right to belittle your lead axeman by reminding him of the fact he should have brought some spare strings."

Maybe you should call him and do the apologizing. Something along the lines of, "I knew you must have felt bad about not having spares on hand, and I didn't mean to upset you further by point out the obvious."

First off, you kids annoy us old farts just by being young. Second, I'm with you on this one. If he's half a pro, he brings at least a couple sets of strings along. My guitarists both bring at least two guitars, usually 3, and plenty of spare strings.

So what to do? Find out what kind of strings he uses, buy two or three sets of them, and keep them in your case. Next time it happens, grab a set, walk over and hand them to him, and don't say a word. It's the Buddhist way of doing it, and the message will be clear. By not saying anything, he can't call you out and make you the bad guy, you saved the gig, and everybody knows it.

And you don't owe his sorry ass an apology. What the hell is that about? The nitwit killed the gig, and it was one thousand percent preventable. He owes the host and the whole band an apology. I wouldn't have been nearly as subtle in my remarks to him. In some bands, (like mine) he wouldn't know when or where the next rehearsal was going to be.

[SUNNyday r.]

If your bigger then punch him next time. Chances are you have more steam at 18 then he does at 34. Trust me, I am 34. Seriously, this guy is just in it for kicks and a few beers at this point. I would blow it off and and try to find a new outfit. Anybody tells me with beer mist on their breath to "f@%k off" after blowing even the average gig is going to get a lesson in band manners. Take your drive to excel and apply it to situation where it will be appreciated. Don't take s*%t off of anyone when you are clearly right.

[knarleybass]

Many thoughts go through my head,
if I were 18 and bringing extra strings for my 34 year old guitar player would make me feel more like a roadie than a member of the band, I wouldn't do it. A band cancelling a gig because of a broken string? I am in the wrong band...
Why are you in a band with a 34 year old? Unless Frank Zappa or Miles Davis is calling you should be playing with people your own age, you may be finding it hard to find people your age that are at your level, but perhaps you could be bringing them up to your level and not acting as their string caddie. The relationships you make with your peers now will last you for the rest of you life. You will never have this time again!

[SWILLKILL]

Originally Posted by knarleybass

Many thoughts go through my head,
if I were 18 and bringing extra strings for my 34 year old guitar player would make me feel more like a roadie than a member of the band, I wouldn't do it. A band cancelling a gig because of a broken string? I am in the wrong band...
Why are you in a band with a 34 year old? Unless Frank Zappa or Miles Davis is calling you should be playing with people your own age, you may be finding it hard to find people your age that are at your level, but perhaps you could be bringing them up to your level and not acting as their string caddie. The relationships you make with your peers now will last you for the rest of you life. You will never have this time again!

+1

[bevel19]

Ahhhhhhhh---- guitarists: Smart enough to play their instruments.......stupid enough to think they're important.
Every band I've ever been in over the last 25 years has been finished by a guitarist.......say no more.Funny thing is, I'm still out there playing and nearly all of them sit at home on weekend evenings.

[Nakedfish]

Get a new guitarist.