Need to quit band, but they wont let me!

[lowfreq33]

I've actually been in almost the same situation. The catch was they were paying me pretty decent money for the gigs, but I really needed to bow out because I had gigs coming up with my own band. At some point you have to firmly tell them you won't be there because you have another gig. If they don't heed your warning it's their own fault if they find themselves without a bass player.

[Groove Doctor]

Put a Bass player wanted ad up for your mate with his contact details, etc.
DONE!

[Crystalman85]

On the subject of the title, I've been through that. I was once in a hard rock band with my brother and it was fun at first but then I came to a conclusion that it wasn't the right band for me. the one trouble I've had at the time was my brother having a misguided loyalty to the band. and because of that, he wouldn't let me leave the band. but that's not the only problem. the other problem was the band members being egotistic and one of the members is jealous of the other band we are in. he expects us to be more loyal to his band when I'm not being loyal to any of the band that I'm in and I don't make any of my bands my top priority...I'm just there when I'm needed. honestly this jealousy thing really makes me mad and finally one night I told them I wanted to leave. to my surprise, the other band members weren't really satisfied with how things are going with the band and had developed interest in forming new bands. so we did one last show and call it a day.

So if there's one advice I would give you, it's this...have a talk with the band members, tell them your reasons on why you want to leave, and tell them they'll have to find someone new. don't let members with misguided loyalties get in your way. always do what's best for you.

[ChrisB2]

Forgive me, but what is all this talk of giving them A MONTH and a written resignation??? Finding his replacement??? Geez! OP clearly stated there are no gigs! This is a "theoretical band!"

Just tell them "I said I was done, I am done! Good luck!!"

Geez people!!

Did I say "Geez!!"??

[Nev375]

Dude. Call the police and tell them you've been taken hostage by your dangerously kind bandmates. Tell them to send a negotiator and bring some new bass players for them to audition. Also tell them to hurry or they are going start ignoring your threats to quit again.

[abemo]

Originally Posted by Nev375

Dude. Call the police and tell them you've been taken hostage by your dangerously kind bandmates. Tell them to send a negotiator and bring some new bass players for them to audition. Also tell them to hurry or they are going start ignoring your threats to quit again.

YES!

In all seriousness though, I've been there. Time and time again. Its a rich mans problem that comes from playing a hard to find instrument that's absolutely vital to most bands. So far I've found two good ways to do it.

1st: if you like the band but lack the time, and they make all the concessions, then make a few of your own. I'm currently "in" my friends band provided that they never require me at practice unless its one of the last 2 before a show, they don't book shows more than quarterly unless they have a different bassist, and if they do book a show, they provide me with full recording to brush up on material. I doubt this approach would work with any other band.

2nd: if you're just not into it, tell them the last gig they have currently booked will be your last. If they still don't get it, tell them you're busy that night every time they try to book another. If they STILL don't get it, cancel a non-vital practice (aka one that's not right before a show) at the last minute. Repeat as necessary. If they STILL don't get it, cancel a practice as close to a gig as poossible, then show up at the gig apologizing and explaining how its so hard to make time between all your other commitments, and suggest that it may be in the best interest of the band to find a more stable bassist, essentially kicking yourself out. If that doesn't do it, stop answering the phone.

[rotis]

Tell them that you can play any paid gigs over the next ,month but won't be available for practices or anything else and after the month you won't be available at all.

[obimark]

Better yet, "Let me know when the next paid gig is, time for practice is over. We are READY!." They won't be calling anytime soon, guaranteed.

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by ChrisB2

Forgive me, but what is all this talk of giving them A MONTH and a written resignation??? Finding his replacement??? Geez! OP clearly stated there are no gigs! This is a "theoretical band!"

Just tell them "I said I was done, I am done! Good luck!!"

Geez people!!

Did I say "Geez!!"??

I have learned from being active on TB the definition of "band" is completely different than mine.

I've learned that a band could be a working band gigging 1-2 per week or a couple of guys getting high and noodling in a basement once every 2 months.

Blue

[steveksux]

Been there. They keep being nice and hoping you'll change your mind. They won't audition people until you give them a firm date to end it. You can make it a month, two, find a happy medium between whatever you think they'll need to find someone and how long you want to deal with it.

Randy

[James Mobius]

they're holding a gun to your head?