Need some unbiased opinions here

jmg1981 · #1 09-10-2011, 03:12 PM

I have been working with a pretty busy cover band for almost 9 years now. Only original members remaining are myself and the singer, who is one of my best friends. About 3 years ago, we hired my other best friend to play the drums for us. He is young and inexperienced, but very dedicated and agreeable guy to work with. This week, personal issues between drummer and singer blew up. S@#t hit the fan. I allowed myself to be convinced that drummer should be fired (guilt guilt guilt), and now find that I've been lied to and manipulated. I do this for fun. It's not worth losing friends over. Now feeling sick to my stomach and lots of resentment for the singer. I want to quit right now, but there is a gig tonight, can't just leave em hangin. Could really use some input from someone outside the situation. Sorry for the long post, kinda needed some explanation. Any replies will be much appreciated.

Papa Dangerous · #2 09-10-2011, 03:15 PM

It sucks to feel gipped and ripped. To be told something and have it not be true. Think of the people that are going to the gig. They do not wish to be brought into the controversy between band members and not playing it would subject them to it. After the gig, do what you must in regards to the band. But do not hurt the crowd for they are innocent.

Rage1331 · #3 09-10-2011, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Papa Dangerous

It sucks to feel gipped and ripped. To be told something and have it not be true. Think of the people that are going to the gig. They do not wish to be brought into the controversy between band members and not playing it would subject them to it. After the gig, do what you must in regards to the band. But do not hurt the crowd for they are innocent.

+1

Stumbo · #4 09-10-2011, 03:31 PM

IMO, time for a band meeting/serious discussion to put everything on the table to find out what's really going on.

A few rules that may help:
Rule #1 No yelling or name calling. If members start yelling or going negative, meeting is over.
Rule #2 By the end of the meeting, agree on a plan/time line to work things out and exactly what actions each member will take to fulfill the agreement.
Rule #3 Write up the agreement/time line for future reference.OR, if no agreement/plan, time to move on.

Good luck.

Buster Brown · #5 09-10-2011, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmg1981

I have been working with a pretty busy cover band for almost 9 years now. Only original members remaining are myself and the singer, who is one of my best friends. About 3 years ago, we hired my other best friend to play the drums for us. He is young and inexperienced, but very dedicated and agreeable guy to work with. This week, personal issues between drummer and singer blew up. S@#t hit the fan. I allowed myself to be convinced that drummer should be fired (guilt guilt guilt), and now find that I've been lied to and manipulated. I do this for fun. It's not worth losing friends over. Now feeling sick to my stomach and lots of resentment for the singer. I want to quit right now, but there is a gig tonight, can't just leave em hangin. Could really use some input from someone outside the situation. Sorry for the long post, kinda needed some explanation. Any replies will be much appreciated.

Ok...here goes...

I always remember the movie "That Thing You Do". The old Jazz Player tells one of the Wonders that "There ain't no way to keep a band together - sometimes it's money, sometimes it's a girl - hell, sometimes it's just time"

The premise was basically right, however. Unfortunately most bands don't make it and it's usually because of personnel issues. You take 4-5 guys that have a bit of creativity and sooner or later, they are going to clash.

It usually happens among friends because they tend to be more "open" with each other and are quicker to judge and, as a consequence, anger. Sucks, but it's true.

Go to the drummer and apologize to him personally. Explain that you got played and you hope this doesn't sour your friendship. Hopefully, he won't hold it against you.

Go to the singer and smack him in the mouth.

jmg1981 · #6 09-11-2011, 11:09 AM

Thanks for your replies. I really needed to hear from someone outside the situation, my friends are all involved in one way or another.

So if anyone is interested, I still played the show. It actually went pretty well, our sub drummer was excellent. The audience didn't suffer one bit. But I let the singer realize for himself that the drummer has been bringing out half of the crowd since before he was in the band. Never had such a slow night at this bar.

I now have 3 different stories about what led to the drummer being fired. I wasn't there, and I don't completely believe any of them. I guess it goes without saying that this isn't much fun anymore. Time to move on. I am much more interested in keeping my friends than playing in this silly cover band.

Thanks again for your replies and thanks to TB for giving me a place to get it out.

Icey101 · #7 09-11-2011, 04:49 PM

see if you can start a new band up with the drummer on the side.....if it kicks off, leave

Stumbo · #8 09-12-2011, 01:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Icey101

see if you can start a new band up with the drummer on the side.....if it kicks off, leave

+1

**peledog** · #9 09-12-2011, 01:10 PM

Ugh. IMO, it's best to just speak at a meeting, express your concerns and clearly define band vs friendship. Everything should be within the context of the band. Speak to your good friends personally as well.

If you think your friend would lie to your face in a band, what makes you think he/she hasn't done that in other aspects - I would have a real issue with this.

Balog · #10 09-12-2011, 02:45 PM

Have you talked to the drummer? Have you told the singer you believe him to be a liar? Also, what Stumbo said.