Not going entirely as planned

LennyPenny · #1 09-26-2011, 05:32 AM

So this summer (May actually) a friend of my girlfriend's asked me if I wanted to join a new band he was starting. He's the drummer, a girl who's in his volleyball team sings and one of his highschool friends plays guitar.

We agreed to do a few covers to adjust to each other's playing and such.
-Green Day - Blvd of Broken Dreams
-Coldplay - In My Place
-Reel Big Fish - Where Have You Been
First rehearsal: guitarist doesn't show up, so it's down to the drummer and me to get the rhythm section of Blvd dialed in. Seond rehearsal: guitarist hadn't had time to practice so he spent over half the time learning the chords, which turned out to be in the wrong key. Third rehearsal: guitarist, who also kitesurfs, "forgot" about it beause the wind was good, so he went kitesurfing in Holland. Furthermore, our singer decided that it's not a good song for her to sing, so we dismiss Blvd and decide to start writing original material.

By the next rehearsal, we've written three texts, but we're struggling to figure out a melody. We kind of hoped the guitarist would be better at this, but he just started writing lyrics of his own, which sucked. The rest of the time was spent by the three of them chatting and just hanging out, and by me noodling by myself.

I don't know if it's me, but the guitarist is starting to annoy me big time. Half the time he doesn't show up, and the other half he isn't focusing on the music. On top of that, he said he's not that interested in performing, while the three of us definitely are. I'm wondering how he could ever credibly stand on stage if he's not interested in it... According to the drummer, who recruited him, he's great at what he does, but I've hardly heard him play so far, apart from the occasional (unamplified) riff.

To top it all off, we haven't spoken in weeks about getting together again. The fact that we're more band member than friends doesn't help either. I'm the one who has to travel farthest, they all live withing 5min from each other by car, I have to take the train and bus (occasionally two) to get there.

Point is that I'm starting to consider walking away and looking for something closer to home, but maybe it's just a phase we all have to go through when starting a band..?

*sigh*

CinneaghBass · #2 09-26-2011, 06:09 AM

Walk away, that is not normal "good band" behavior at any level.

HeadyVan Halen · #3 09-26-2011, 06:13 AM

Three things that spell disaster:
High School
Girlfriend
Band

tekdiver500ft · #4 09-26-2011, 06:16 AM

Time to walk away... no, make that "run" away!

mantrabass · #5 09-26-2011, 06:28 AM

Yep, I agree with everyone else. Time to start a new band! You could also potentially look into finding another guitar player... perhaps one that is actually interested in performing. Good luck!

tsverrir · #6 09-26-2011, 06:36 AM

+1
Get out of there quick. It's a black hole that sucks your time and effort into oblivion. It's obvious from that description things are not going to change.

logicman69 · #7 09-26-2011, 06:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HeadyVan Halen

Three things that spell disaster:
High School
Girlfriend
Band

+100000000000

Girlfriends in the band are generally a bad thing all around from my experiance. I am going through that night now with my current band (Guitar player and Singer are dating, and living together). The hardest thiing is to seperate "normal" life from "band" life. I get worried every time we have a gig because if they have been fighting (which they do alot) it affects the mood on stage. The only reason I stick on with my band is the pay is really good and the rooms we play are awesome.

Just calmly tell them that it's not working out and bow out. You are a bass player, finding another band will be easy.

Waffles and Scotch · #8 09-26-2011, 07:21 AM

Yep. Find something else.

cchorney · #9 09-26-2011, 07:23 AM

Yea, all those warning signs this early on is reason enough to say "thanks but this isn't right for me - hope you guys have great success in your endeavors" and walk away.

EddiePlaysBass · #10 09-26-2011, 07:27 AM

Neem het van mij aan, stop er direct mee. I spent 7 years (yes, seven years) in a band, hoping things would pick up with one particular member. Guess who turned out to be wrong?

This is not normal band behaviour by any means, be it a start-up band or established. Which part of Belgium are you from?

LennyPenny · #11 09-26-2011, 08:19 AM

Just to be clear, my girlfriend isn't in the band, the drummer is her ex. There are no hard feelings about that, although it can get awkward.
Not to disregard all of your advice, but I'm going to let them know how I think about everything. Chances are they feel the same way and we can take it from there, possibly after letting the guitarist go.

LennyPenny · #12 09-29-2011, 09:33 AM

Well, Monday I sent them all an e-mail explaining how I feel about our situation and asked our guitarist whether or not he's into it as much as we are.
Our singer was the first to answer: she understood my frustration and still wants to continue forwards, she didn't have a lot of time with the beginning of school and her moving to her college city. She tried to get together with the guitarist to try and figure something out to do with the material we have so far, but didn't tell me about it, only the drummer.

Our drummer was the second to answer (only to me): he didn't tell me about the singer trying to work something out with the guitarist because he was about to give up himself. He's frustrated as well with the guitarist putting too little effort into the band and too much in kitesurfing, and agrees that it "may be" time to let him go. ATM he doesn't want to put much time and effort into the band.

Guitarist still hasn't answered... That's really the whole problem: we have a private Facebook group where we discuss/arrange everything concerning the band, but he's practically never online anyway, only occasionally checks his e-mails.

Conclusion: too little communication between all us. Guitarist rarely reachable, drummer and singer (who are best friends) telling each other what they're doing but not me, while everyone should always know where the others are or what they're up to. Singer was on holiday in Turkey and broke her foot and I didn't even know...

My prediction: singer and me will probably end up looking for a new drummer and guitarist.

MatticusMania · #13 09-29-2011, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by logicman69

Girlfriends in the band are generally a bad thing all around from my experiance.

I dont believe the OP said anything about someone's girlfriend being in the band. He said:

So this summer (May actually) a friend of my girlfriend's asked me if I wanted to join a new band he was starting. He's the drummer, a girl who's in his volleyball team sings and one of his highschool friends plays guitar.

Regardless, this "band" sounds like a disaster...

Spinal Tapper · #14 09-29-2011, 12:29 PM

Do you guys have a gig booked? If not, just bail on these clowns and hook up with some new musicians. Guitarist can't learn his chords to Green Day in half a practice?

Yikes!

Congratulations, you've just gone through a typical band implosion. They happen quicker than you'd think, and some messier than others. You'll move on, find other people to play with, and chalk it all up to a beautiful thing called Experience.

LennyPenny · #15 09-29-2011, 12:37 PM

No, we don't. How would we if we don't even have song...

Call me naive, but I don't think everything's lost just yet. If we (singer and me) can persuade the drummer to give it one last try and find a new guitarist, we might be able to make a fresh start. She's a great singer and he's a good enough drummer, not the best but he definitely puts a lot of effort in improving.

If not, I'll walk away, probably won't be trying to start a new band soon though.

Whump · #16 09-29-2011, 12:38 PM

Yep red flags everywhere, get away now because this will never get off the ground, and even if it does the flight will be short and the landing ungentle

pklima · #17 09-29-2011, 01:31 PM

Guitarists are easily replaced. Girls who play volleyball and are great singers are not.

Maybe you can do better with another band, but I'd try with another guitarist first, or at least start a new band with the same singer.

LennyPenny · #18 09-29-2011, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pklima

Guitarists are easily replaced. Girls who play volleyball and are great singers are not.

Maybe you can do better with another band, but I'd try with another guitarist first, or at least start a new band with the same singer.

I've just been texting with her about a funk/soul/blues project I'd like to start with her if (more like when) it's definitively over with the not-so-band-anymore. She mentioned that she maybe wanted to do a side project, and since funk is pretty much all I play when I'm jamming , I was immediately interested. Not even like I want to play funk (although I do), that's just what comes out.
I don't think the drummer is as much into those styles as we are. Maybe he can join in, otherwise it's just the two of us for now, and a new drummer later on.

Rickengeezer · #19 09-29-2011, 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pklima

Guitarists are easily replaced. Girls who play volleyball and are great singers are not.

No pics, no singing volleyball players.

DrSmith · #20 09-29-2011, 06:39 PM

Stick a fork in it - it's done. In the "How not to start a band" section of the Rock and Roll Handbook (page 69, section 2, paragraph III) it clearly lists your situation.

It's all a matter of commitment, otherwise it is a monumental waste of your time.
Don't sweat it - bass players are more in demand, and, by the way, infinitely cooler. Plus, you will know it when you have the right chemistry.