Old Fart in band....

thebige · #1 05-06-2007, 08:27 PM

I recently posted on a bulletin board in the local music shop that that I was looking to get into a Prog rock band.

I got one response. I was from a group of music students from the University in town.

The issue here is that I'm old enough to be their dad and that has me feeling rather uncomfortable. In principle I have nothing against having younger members in a group just as long as I'm not the only one. Has anyone here run into similar situations? Are my uneasy feelings reasonable or am I just being a dipstick...uh...old fart? (ok...you don't Have to respond about the dipstick part....

)

E

anderbass · #2 05-06-2007, 10:06 PM

I was recently in a band with 2 other middle age members (40s)
supporting a very talented 22 year old singer/songwriter.
Even with the other old farts around, this situation still made
me feel older than I really am...

AxtoOx · #3 05-06-2007, 10:20 PM

I'm 45
Drummer 44
singer and guitarist each 20's.
No problem.

Depth_Charge · #4 05-06-2007, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thebige

I recently posted on a bulletin board in the local music shop that that I was looking to get into a Prog rock band.

I got one response. I was from a group of music students from the University in town.

The issue here is that I'm old enough to be their dad and that has me feeling rather uncomfortable. In principle I have nothing against having younger members in a group just as long as I'm not the only one. Has anyone here run into similar situations? Are my uneasy feelings reasonable or am I just being a dipstick...uh...old fart? (ok...you don't Have to respond about the dipstick part....

)

E

Mate I just wrote 5 pages I'll save you reading.

"If no-one cares, it doesn't matter".

I asked my wife.

She said the same thing.

"Does their sound smoke? Are they rocking crowds out?"

Then she added, "You know, if it was my kids in the band, I'd be happy to have someone "responsibly wild" and older in the band actually"

I'll let her speak on my behalf on this one.

mellofello · #5 05-06-2007, 10:44 PM

If it makes you uncomfortable don't do it, and yes, you are being a dipstick old fart. There is no rational reason for you to be uncomfortable. But if you are, then you are.

::::BASSIST:::: · #6 05-06-2007, 11:35 PM

Age is all in the mind.

Britsie · #7 05-07-2007, 03:19 AM

I would turn the reasoning around (if that makes any sense).
I would check them out. If they are responsable, reasonable musicians who take their hobby serious enough (about as serious as you do), then there shouldn't be a problem to play with them. If they are still 'kids' who want to play the rock-star, you're probably to old for that/them.
Just my 2 cents.

QORC · #8 05-07-2007, 06:47 AM

I was last year in a band with members all 11-12 years younger than me. And rednecks.

it was a problem. I really couldn't relate, as much as I tried, or fit in.

I want people near my age now.

Stumpy · #9 05-07-2007, 06:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VEGANBASS

Age is all in the mind.

This is a mind over matter thing.

If you don't mind, it don't matter.

You are the veteran and can steer them in the right direction when needed.

Remember this, you can swing a dead cat and hit a guitarist and/or vocalist. A rock solid bassist is very hard to find.

bigtexashonk · #10 05-07-2007, 07:41 AM

I have found no issues with ageism in the bands I play in. It really comes down to if your skills are a good match and if your personality fits in.

Many of us "seasoned" bass players are becoming more common.

Baird6869 · #11 05-07-2007, 09:16 AM

As long as you roughly want the same thing (touring the world and becoming the next U2 vs. having a day job and playing covers for beer money or whatever), it can work. I am in a band now with a 53 year old guitarist and 45 year old drummer (I am 38) and it working out beautifully.

I was in a band with a 20 year ond drummer and a couple of late 20's guitarists but it didn't work out. Nice guys, but they really couldn't play!

Nedmundo · #12 05-07-2007, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Baird6869

As long as you roughly want the same thing (touring the world and becoming the next U2 vs. having a day job and playing covers for beer money or whatever), it can work.

Along with just being musically and personally compatible, for which age is irrelevant, I think this is the key. It's important regardless of age, but folks at different life stages are more likely to have different priorities, and in my band it might become a problem.

I'm 40, and our keyboardist, who was my law school roommate, turns 40 in August. We each have wives, two kids, mortgages, and careers. His is the more demanding. Our drummer is 32, and a successful software engineer. The founders and leaders are 26, and want to make music their career, go on tour, etc.

I would love to do this, and my academic job may allow for an unpaid leave of absence to give it a shot, but my family would have to be on board too. It's probably not viable for the other guys, however, and it may split up the band.

I recognized this at the outset, and told the leaders it could become an issue even before I auditioned. I reasoned that, in the unlikely event the band generated a substantial buzz, got a record deal, etc., they would easily find great (probably younger) players to replace us. I thought if my buddy and I could help put them on the map, we would have done our job. That concept seemed appealing at the time, but as the leaders feel more pressure to play shows, record a full-length album, go on small tours, etc. to gain the requisite exposure and get the buzz, it just might not hold up.

cymbop · #13 05-07-2007, 11:34 AM

I'm almost 31. My originals band (jazz/blues/rock fusion) is made up of three insanely talented kids age 18-20. Sometimes I think to myself that they're acting like infants, but then I have to relax and remind myself that they are. But when we play together, age matters none.

Atomik Rooster · #14 05-07-2007, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thebige

I recently posted on a bulletin board in the local music shop that that I was looking to get into a Prog rock band.

I got one response. I was from a group of music students from the University in town.

The issue here is that I'm old enough to be their dad and that has me feeling rather uncomfortable. In principle I have nothing against having younger members in a group just as long as I'm not the only one. Has anyone here run into similar situations? Are my uneasy feelings reasonable or am I just being a dipstick...uh...old fart? (ok...you don't Have to respond about the dipstick part....

)

E

My experience lately has been the other way around. I'd love to play some heavier music than classic rock (I have a newly found affection for death metal), but younger guys are the ones typically playing it and many of them are very image conscious, as in NO GRAY HAIR ALLOWED. If these guys are interested in working with you, be thankful and take advantage of the opportunity to share what you have in common. My guess is everyone involved will be better off for the experience.

txbasschik · #15 05-07-2007, 11:49 AM

Play with them a while. See if your goals for the band are compatible. Also, see how mature these guys are. If they want to tour and you want to just play locally, it won't work. If they are hard-core partiers and you are more mellow, it won't work.

However, if your goals are pretty much the same, and their level of maturity is such that you won't feel like you're always having to parent them, then you'll be fine.

Take the opportunity. Worst thing that can happen is that it won't work out, which frees you up to find something else that will. But 'cha won't know if ya don't try!

Cherie...44 y.o. Bass Mama...

Eilif · #16 05-07-2007, 12:01 PM

Let's not kid ourselves, age does matter. However it doesn't matter as much as maturity.

If your goals for a band line up with the other members, and they are mature (or you can put up with thier immaturity) then go for it.

I am 25, and and am the junior member of my present band by over a decade with members ranging from mid 30's to mid 40's. I do my part, practice the tunes, rehurse diligently and it hasn't been an issue so far.

bradjonesbass · #17 05-07-2007, 12:18 PM

If these guys answered an ad for a Prog-Rock band I would presume that they are pretty serious about the music and as such would not be too into partying - at least while you're playing. Got to have your faculties to play that stuff. Also I would presume they are realistic enough to know that you're not going to become the next big thing playing prog-rock. That title is now reserved for talentless, barely-post-pubescent girls with "augmentations" in place, and skinny, screaming emo-wimps.

At any rate, go for it. The young guns might even push you in some new musical directions. Joe Zawinal almost always hires young kids for his bands now, and alot of younger guys hire older guys too.

I just auditioned for a 22-year-old R&B singer this weekend - I'm 36.

sincity · #18 05-07-2007, 12:22 PM

I don't think your age is a problem, but your other band mates, especially the founding member/members, might have a problem with the overall "image" of the band.

No one is really mentioning it and it really is a shallow, self-centered topic. But, it is always there, especially if you are gigging often, have a young following or have any label interest.

If you are in your 40's, keep in shape, and look like you are in your 30's, it could be fine.

But, if you are in your 40's, are out of shape, and basically look your age or older, then that might be an issue.

Yes, I know "Age is all in the mind", but sometimes, your physical appearence is judged just as much as how well you play.

I am 43 years old, and back a female artist who is 30. She is shopping her music to labels and such, and does, to some extent, view the stage image of the band as part of the overall package.

My age is not a problem, nor do I feel like the old fart in the band.

I do look younger than I am, so that works in my favor.

The maturity of your band mates is a big factor in making you feel comfortable.

Depth_Charge · #19 05-07-2007, 01:16 PM

BS! The only factor in you feeling comfortable is you!! If you can deal with the maturity level and can hang with kids being kids then it's a non issue mate.

A bit OT, but one of the realignments I needed in my own therapy was a shift in thinking from how I'm "made to" feel this way or that, to the fact that I am feeling a certain way on my own, and the reality is it's me "having" a feeling, and needing to own and cope with my own feelings, not explode and blame others for them...regardless of how they "contributed" to my feeling this way.

It was explained to me that if it wasn't that way above, I can continue justifying beating up on people whenever they "make me" feel the need to physically harm them (which has pretty much been never where I live)...

ntimkovich · #20 05-07-2007, 01:43 PM

Quote:

Let's not kid ourselves, age does matter. However it doesn't matter as much as maturity.

I think Eilif said it best right there. just keep in mind that younger kids are pretty likely to have different priorities than you do. i'm a little older than the other members in one of my bands, and they pressure me a lot to go drinking, etc right after a gig, and most of the time, i'm heading for home after a gig!

it's case-by-case, but if the other members are mature and understand the difference in priorities between you, i think you're in good shape.

nick