The one you kind of "begged" to join your band

[carlthegroover]

I'm in this situation where I want to put a band together (my first one ever, actually), and so far the guitarist seems interested (the catch is, he's pretty busy with work; but whenever he can, we meet to jam and his disposition is good overall).

With the drummer, however, it's a different story. He's a friend from a while ago and recently I half-jokingly wrote on my facebook page I was looking for people to jam with (I thought it would be cool someone replied but I didn't expect that to happen). Well, he answered, and I replied to him with gusto. Since then (it's probably more than a month now), I've been in touch with him, even sending him the songs me and the guitarist are working on (covers), but he has, so far, avoided jamming at all with excuses like "I'm busy", or "I got school stuff" or "I have final exams now".

It's getting kinda annoying really, and I wonder if I should give this guy one more day, or should I just look for another drummer. I don't even know if he's any good (I haven't heard him play). It's not like we are going to gig next month. For starters it's mostly for fun, and to learn (we all are sort of beginner-intermediates), but that doesn't mean he should take this that lightly... I mean, not even one jam session? Man!

Anyways, I just wanted to rant a bit and share my little story. So anyone has tried to recruit a new band member and kind of "begged" (asked repeatedly) or "stalked" to get him or her to jam with you? Did you manage to get the guy or gal to jam? Was it worth it?

I'd be very interested to hear some stories. Cheers!

[jgroh]

Years ago I "kind of" did something similar. A drummer I met at a music shop that lived around 30 minutes away (which at the time was a long drive for me). However we did play together and it was magic. We could hit the same fills if we were in separate rooms. I havent experienced something like that since (20+ years later). But, he was a total flake as a person. Jerked me around lots of times and I held onto that situation way longer than I should have because we played so well together. Looking back it was a total waste of time.

Take it from me, look for someone else asap. You havent even heard him play? Next.

[recreate.me]

I have noticed some people wanna be in a band, and some wanna say theyre in a band. I think you should find a new drummer. A Facebook jam invitation is nothing, no one signed anything and he hasn't actually done anything so really you don't have anything to replace because you never found it in the first place!

[jive1]

It's never worth it, IMO.

It's tough enough to get organized, play gigs, and keep gigs. But if you have to spend alot of time managing players, something else will suffer.

I don't care if he's Jesus, Lightning, and Viagra in a bottle. Without a bottle opener it's useless. And if you don't know what kind of opener you need to open the bottle, you'll waste alot of time trying to figure it out.

There are more worthwhile ways to build your band than begging someone to play.

[Downunderwonder]

I got someting else going on which is kind of the reverse but not really. I jammed at an open mic with a guy who is in a pro working band which doesn't have a bassist. Then kind of invited myself to sit in at a few of their gigs which was a lot of fun but they couldn't see a way to employ me, them being a well paid trio and not wanting to take a pay cut or price themselves off the market.

A year or so goes by an now I'm playing with the drummer who turns out to be a jazz drummer and gatman who turns out to be a jazz pianoman in a jazz gig on the side.

Now the drummer is leaving town in a little while and I have the sneaking suspicion the 1st guy is looking to get me to step up to the mark of pro working singing bass player with him and the piano playing non singing gatman in a new power trio. I only ever see him when he's half cut and he keeps asking me questions about what I like to play and can I sing.

I can only sing harmonies and only when the bassline is "with" the vocal or real simple. Very occasionally I'll get someting out vocally and it's like someone else is playing the more complicated bass and I just hear it playing in the background as I'm singing, tres cool but it's not consistent. I'd love to be doing music with this guy full time but in my heart of hearts I'm not in his league, even though I'm playing out with his gatman and drummer and they are probably telling him I'm the man on bass.

But he keeps up the interrogations without asking me if I want to be in the band. Weird.

Yours, the mediocre bassist.

[bassybill]

Originally Posted by Downunderwonder

I got someting else going on which is kind of the reverse but not really. I jammed at an open mic with a guy who is in a pro working band which doesn't have a bassist. Then kind of invited myself to sit in at a few of their gigs which was a lot of fun but they couldn't see a way to employ me, them being a well paid trio and not wanting to take a pay cut or price themselves off the market.

A year or so goes by an now I'm playing with the drummer who turns out to be a jazz drummer and gatman who turns out to be a jazz pianoman in a jazz gig on the side.

Now the drummer is leaving town in a little while and I have the sneaking suspicion the 1st guy is looking to get me to step up to the mark of pro working singing bass player with him and the piano playing non singing gatman in a new power trio. I only ever see him when he's half cut and he keeps asking me questions about what I like to play and can I sing.

I can only sing harmonies and only when the bassline is "with" the vocal or real simple. Very occasionally I'll get someting out vocally and it's like someone else is playing the more complicated bass and I just hear it playing in the background as I'm singing, tres cool but it's not consistent. I'd love to be doing music with this guy full time but in my heart of hearts I'm not in his league, even though I'm playing out with his gatman and drummer and they are probably telling him I'm the man on bass.

But he keeps up the interrogations without asking me if I want to be in the band. Weird.

Yours, the mediocre bassist.

Sorry, I read this three times and I still don't get what you're talking about. What's a gatman?

[bluewine]

I'm in this situation "I'm busy", or "I got school stuff" or "I have final exams now".



It's pretty simple, he's not interested.

It's hard enough for people with experience to start a band, do you really know what your up against?

Sounds like you just want to jam, you might try the open mic route.

blue

[pnut166]

I am in the exact same position as you described. Me and the guitarist are very busy family / career guys. We just want to put something together to have fun and maybe an ocacsional gig. But we both do our homework and show up ready to go. It`s a "for fun" deal; it`s NOT fun if someone doesn`t know the songs, right ? So we found a drummer. He bragged himself up repeatedly, and was super-eager to meet us. In fact, he said he could learn out setlist in a week (15 songs). We told him not to rush - take his time and don`t put pressure on himself. So after three weeks of him hounding us, we finally meet up. First tune goes great. Second tune...a little rough in spots. There was no third tune - he hadn`t EVEN LISTENED to the disc we sent him of the originals. I was flabbergasted. The guitarist, who is a seasoned gigging musician, simply started packing his stuff up without saying anything after a few more stabs at it. I followed suit. All the while, the drummer is playing songs for us we`ve never even heard of, trying to impress us. We all walked to the driveway and after loading up, the guitarist finally spoke - and lit into his ass for wasting our time. Even though "fun and laid-back" is our motto, it still means being prepared and honest. If your guy can`t show up when he says he can, cut him loose.

[bluewine]

He hadn`t EVEN LISTENED to the disc we sent him of the originals.


Not unusual, people are funny.

Sure, you will ocasionally get guys that take this stuff seriously and show up at an auditionin understanding the band and took the time to learn the material. But more than likely you get these guys that will come in and say , I was busy and didn't get a chance to listen to your songs.

If it were my call I would have dimplomatically said;

GET TF out of here, right now!

[kjpollo]

My band was auditioning singers for a classic/modern rock cover band. We gave this one guy a list of 3-4 songs and we asked him for a tune that we could try to learn for him just in case our material didnt fit his range too well. He gave us Hells Bells. We learn it.

At the audition we're running through the tunes and things are going so-so. The guy's not horrible but not great either. Drummer asks what we still have left to play and I said Hells Bells. Without missing a beat-he looks us dead in the eye and says "oh, I cant sing THAT"

***?? HE suggested it, then he has the nerve to show up and tell us he cant sing it??
Needless to say, he didnt get the gig.

[pnut166]

Originally Posted by bluewine

He hadn`t EVEN LISTENED to the disc we sent him of the originals.

If it were my call I would have dimplomatically said;

GET TF out of here, right now!

Well, considering that we were at HIS house ....

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by pnut166

Well, considering that we were at HIS house ....

I should have read between the lines. You guys are in high school, right?

If you are the protocol for just about everything is different at that point in your life.

You don't audition candidates on their own turf.

[tycobb73]

someone gives me an excuse 3 times in a row, then I asume they are too busy and look elsewhere

[Evil Undead]

Yeah... he doesn't sound bothered, and frankly if someone isn't as dedicated as me, I don't wanna be in a band with them

[totallyfrozen]

Originally Posted by carlthegroover

..."I'm busy", or "I got school stuff" or "I have final exams now"...

I'd look elsewhere for a drummer. I've been in a very different but somewhat similar type situation before (i.e. my wife was a graduate student and didn't have time to do much of anything at all...even with ME and we're married). I've had to turn down jam sessions myself because I've been busy too. "Life happens" as they say.

Bottom line: It's nearly impossible to compete with someone's school schedule/work load if they are serious about getting through school. If it's time for FINALS?! Forget it! He's not going to find any time to "waste" on jam sessions when he needs to prepare for finals.

Honestly, I don't fault him for this at all. If anything, I think the worst part in this whole story is not him...it's YOU wasting time and waiting around for this one guy when you could have already moved on with another drummer and been happily jamming along.

IMO, you should just walk away from this guy and find another drummer.

[pnut166]

Originally Posted by pnut166

Me and the guitarist are very busy family / career guys.

Originally Posted by bluewine

I should have read between the lines. You guys are in high school, right?

You don't audition candidates on their own turf.

Maybe you should have read the actual lines. And yes, you do audition candidates on their turf if you have an aversion to inviting total strangers into your home, or just don`t want to wait on someone to set up a kit.

[carlthegroover]

Thanks for sharing your stories so far, guys. They're quite interesting and I hope we can get some more.

As for the drummer guy in my case, I already ditched the possibility of ever jamming with him and I'm placing an ad to find a serious drummer in the next days. My friend was probably just joking about it (which is not cool at all, may I say), I know him well enough to understand now.

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by pnut166

Maybe you should have read the actual lines. And yes, you do audition candidates on their turf if you have an aversion to inviting total strangers into your home, or just don`t want to wait on someone to set up a kit.

Sorry, I look at it differently.

My position remains, they come to you not the other way around.

[tangentmusic]

Originally Posted by recreate.me

I have noticed some people wanna be in a band, and some wanna say theyre in a band. I think you should find a new drummer. A Facebook jam invitation is nothing, no one signed anything and he hasn't actually done anything so really you don't have anything to replace because you never found it in the first place!

I've know people like this.
They like the idea of of being in a band and telling their friends that they're in a band, but havent the dedication to actually put in the effort be be in a band. Romantic notions or something.

Find a real drummer who actually plays drums.

[Peace Cee]

All good advice. Let's face it; some musicians are flakes. Learn that now. However, keep your eyes on the prize, and one day you will find the Holy Grail: a group of individuals who gel and are of the same mind. They're looking for YOU as we speak, er I mean type.