Only woman. dealing with the guys

tld2cool · #1 12-18-2012, 08:43 PM

Seems my probs arnt much different then most ppl in a band. Altho... I'm about to have a serious conversation 2moro with the drummer cuz of his relationship drama. Last wk at our gig his new chic was kissing the ass of his gf. Playing like shes trying to b friends with her. Whatever, I rly dont care. But their stupid drama spilled over to me. I'm not exactly sure why & (again) dont care. Until the new chic wants to kick my ass. And thats where the lined got crossed. I'm the only woman in the band & I've already mentioned I don't wanna deal with any jealous crazy bitchs. But it seems i need to elaborate this more to him. I've talked to a couple of the other guys & they agree that it was out of line. Basically its been said that these chics r all interchangeable but I'm permanent. Which makes me feel valued as a band member. I love the music & all my mates, but I dont think I should have to deal with whatever chic prob they have.
Any advice to have this convo go smoothly is appreciated.

two fingers · #2 12-18-2012, 08:47 PM

Sorry you had to deal with that. From a professional standpoint, your conversation SHOULD be no different from any other (if the drummer can handle it). I have had to have the conversation with fellow musicians before myself. I pretty much had to find a nice way to say "Keep your drama at home or keep your boyfriend/girlfriend on a leash." That should be the same with any band, or any professional organization for that matter.

Good luck.

hdracer · #3 12-18-2012, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by two fingers

"Keep your drama at home or keep your boyfriend/girlfriend on a leash."

Good luck.

This^^^^^

**mjac28** · #4 12-18-2012, 08:54 PM

I'm kinda slow the drummer has two women and the new woman wanted to harm you? why did she come after you?

Bert Slide · #5 12-18-2012, 09:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tld2cool

Seems my probs arnt much different then most ppl in a band. Altho... I'm about to have a serious conversation 2moro with the drummer cuz of his relationship drama. Last wk at our gig his new chic was kissing the ass of his gf. Playing like shes trying to b friends with her. Whatever, I rly dont care. But their stupid drama spilled over to me. I'm not exactly sure why & (again) dont care. Until the new chic wants to kick my ass. And thats where the lined got crossed. I'm the only woman in the band & I've already mentioned I don't wanna deal with any jealous crazy bitchs. But it seems i need to elaborate this more to him. I've talked to a couple of the other guys & they agree that it was out of line. Basically its been said that these chics r all interchangeable but I'm permanent. Which makes me feel valued as a band member. I love the music & all my mates, but I dont think I should have to deal with whatever chic prob they have.
Any advice to have this convo go smoothly is appreciated.

I have been able to decipher some of this and I have no idea what it means but I'm smelling catfight here!

tld2cool · #6 12-18-2012, 09:09 PM

Yea he had his new chic come c us as a friend. This was the second time she came out to our weekly gig. he just just broke up with the gf. But its the new one causing me probs. All I know is shes got some prob with me. Don't rly care for whatever her drunk reasons arefor it. Just need it to stop

tld2cool · #7 12-18-2012, 09:23 PM

I dumped the last bf I had cuz of petty jealousy. If I don't deal with that crap in my personal life then I'm certainly not going to deal with it any other time. js

Munjibunga · #8 12-18-2012, 09:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tld2cool

Seems my probs arnt much different then most ppl in a band. Altho... I'm about to have a serious conversation 2moro with the drummer cuz of his relationship drama. Last wk at our gig his new chic was kissing the ass of his gf. Playing like shes trying to b friends with her. Whatever, I rly dont care. But their stupid drama spilled over to me. I'm not exactly sure why & (again) dont care. Until the new chic wants to kick my ass. And thats where the lined got crossed. I'm the only woman in the band & I've already mentioned I don't wanna deal with any jealous crazy bitchs. But it seems i need to elaborate this more to him. I've talked to a couple of the other guys & they agree that it was out of line. Basically its been said that these chics r all interchangeable but I'm permanent. Which makes me feel valued as a band member. I love the music & all my mates, but I dont think I should have to deal with whatever chic prob they have.
Any advice to have this convo go smoothly is appreciated.

Excuse me. We're not texting here.

sleeplessknight · #9 12-18-2012, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

Excuse me. We're not texting here.

A thousand times this. Proper grammar and spelling go a long ways when you're asking other people for help/assistance/advice.

Piggy8692 · #10 12-18-2012, 09:34 PM

Maybe she's sending from a phone? brb ttyl lol

Winfred · #11 12-18-2012, 09:35 PM

This sounds like petty, high school stuff.

If you're in band, and you're getting paid, it's a JOB. You are a professional.

Say nothing to these "girlfriends". Discuss this with your band, tell them you will have no part in this. And then let it be.

If the "girlfriends" want to be friends with you - great.

If they don't - great.

You're not on Jerry Springer, you're a bassist getting paid to work.

elgecko · #12 12-18-2012, 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

Excuse me. We're not texting here.

I think it's just an intermittent vowel key malfunction.

**mjac28** · #13 12-18-2012, 09:39 PM

You must be prettier than the new girlfriend and she has an issue with her boyfriend being so close to you. I think the old girfriend might have told her that either you guys used to date or you like him so the new girlfriend gets upset. I would have a conversation with both of them at the same time and express yourself and let the girlfriend know she has zero to worry about and I would put the band on notice that if things don't change you are gone.

Icey101 · #14 12-18-2012, 09:41 PM

advice: if you dont type in jibber english, you get better advice here

:-)

**mjac28** · #15 12-18-2012, 09:41 PM

Ok old folks give her a break I'm old also but I have two daughters and I learned the lingo.

tld2cool · #16 12-18-2012, 09:46 PM

My apology for my only means to the internet is through my phone. Didn't know there was a proper way to get good advice on this forum. I know how to conduct myself accordingly. Shall I start again for those that can't read 21st century shorthand?
Thank you to those witout judgmental fingertips.

**mjac28** · #17 12-18-2012, 09:50 PM

You don't need to apologise it may be time to start your own band these conflicts only make you stronger and they really reach you how to deal with people even though right now it sucks.

NYCbassist · #18 12-18-2012, 09:52 PM

Unfortunately You are never going to get completely away from this type of stuff playing in Bars & Clubs. I've had fights make there way up on stage and equipment gets knocked over. 1/4" Speaker jacks broken etc.. As long as it's just B/S Drama you can just be the bigger person and ignore it. She has no reason not to like you and it's up to the Boyfriend to explain that to her and keep her away from you. Explain that to him. It's not your problem and you shouldn't have to deal with her B/S.

Piggy8692 · #19 12-18-2012, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Piggy8692

Maybe she's sending from a phone? brb ttyl lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by tld2cool

My apology for my only means to the internet is through my phone. Didn't know there was a proper way to get good advice on this forum. I know how to conduct myself accordingly. Shall I start again for those that can't read 21st century shorthand?
Thank you to those witout judgmental fingertips.

Man, I'm never right. So, here's my advice. haha.

It's not really your responsibility to do anything other than file a complaint to the percussion department. It's his responsibilty to keep outside influences from interfering with band functions. If your boyfriend always talked crap to him, I'm sure you wouldn't just sit back and let it happen. He needs to address the situation or you need to find a band that has a professional attitude.

Plays_For_Dog · #20 12-18-2012, 09:58 PM

You're on the right track, just make sure you have the rest of the band in your corner when you confront him. It would be even better to do it as an entire band so it doesn't appear you're attacking him with your own round of drama. I'm sure he already knows of the issue, so make sure you keep a calm demeanor and keep the conversation professional. Let him know you value his friendship and being in a band with him. Have the other band members support you on that. Don't demand anything from him, but simply let him know you would appreciate it if he could keep his personal drama out of the band. If he conforms, all is well. If he doesn't, then it's time to find another drummer or you find another band. Don't give ultimatums, that makes you look bitchy and demanding. He already has enough of that from his love life. You're a co-worker in a sense, so keep it work place professional.

Respect gets respect. Treat him respectfully and you should get it in return. If you don't, then give no more respect and move along.

Lastly, proper grammar will ward off the hecklers and make it easier for the forum to respect your post as serious. We know you are serious, so please take the time to type things out so others will take you as such. Best of luck and don't let it get to you. You're better than this silly immaturity.