Only woman. dealing with the guys

[Big Brother]

Originally Posted by tld2cool

My apology for my only means to the internet is through my phone. Didn't know there was a proper way to get good advice on this forum. I know how to conduct myself accordingly. Shall I start again for those that can't read 21st century shorthand?
Thank you to those witout judgmental fingertips.

Text-speak when not texting someone is the equivalent of bubble-gum popping while talking to someone.

I don't think that you realize it says, "I don't respect you all enough to take the time to type normally, even considering that I am asking for help."

You got that strong reaction for a reason, you can blame everyone else or learn from it, your choice.

[vin*tone]

You shouldn't be carrying other peoples personal baggage just bc you're a chick. If you're a good bass player then that's what matters.

[tld2cool]

Thank you NYCbassist. This is exactly how I feel. I'm not the confrontational type and avoid drama when possible. But I'm also not going to let a "bar whore" thinking it's okay to treat me like I'm lower in hierarchy in this particular groups dynamics then she is. I strongly believe that this needs to be dealt with in a timely manner to avoid any future issues. Plus he needs "to put that bitch on a leash". lol

[BawanaRik]

The drummer should never have allowed this to happen. Why did he have one, much less two girls there? Band is for band. I do not want girls bothering me at work. Band is work.

Make sure he understands this. If he show any signs of not understanding this talk to the band leader. If you still get no satisfaction I suggest finding a more professional environment.

Take a basic music class at a local college. In all probability the bottom of that barrel will be a step above what you're used. Be prepared to up your game.

[mellowinman]

Man, did I ever wander onto the wrong thread.

Just keep it sunny, and hope for the best!

Kisses!

[soulman969]

What a convo? Did you mean convoy? Is there a convoy of gfs chasing your drmr? Whats a chic? Where I'm from that's pronounced sheek and it usually refers to a mode of dress or a "look" not the female of the species. We guys usually spell that chick.

There was more drama reading it than existed in the story.

[NYCbassist]

Originally Posted by tld2cool

Thank you NYCbassist. This is exactly how I feel. I'm not the confrontational type and avoid drama when possible. But I'm also not going to let a "bar whore" thinking it's okay to treat me like I'm lower in hierarchy in this particular groups dynamics then she is. I strongly believe that this needs to be dealt with in a timely manner to avoid any future issues. Plus he needs "to put that bitch on a leash". lol

It's all good. Some of these chicks get off on causing all the extra Drama. They want to steel the spotlight every chance they get. Don't be a Pawn in her little game. You are born with Class. It's not something you can buy. It sounds like you are a Lady and if you continue to be classy then you can always look yourself in the mirror with self respect. In other words don't get dragged down to her level.

[tld2cool]

My apology was sincere and then I added a bad joke. Other then the panning on my horrific beginning to this (which is my bad): You all have given some interesting advice. Thank you. I want the band to work and I'm aware we'll have problems. It's nice to know that there are people that have "been there, done that". Which makes my particular situation less intense.

[Downunderwonder]

My first thought was we are being trolled by a school kid.

I make a lot more posts on my phone than I do on my computer. The return key works fine. So do all the other keys.


The drummer is an ass. He probably isn't going to grow up anytime soon, if ever. You'll have to make it a "him or me" situation eventually. Then he'll see the light, dump the g/f and start hitting on you. No win here.

[Kenzy]

Originally Posted by Downunderwonder

No win here.

Heheh, I disagree with this. I don't think it's all that dramatic... just chill and go with the flow of things, ya know? As long as you guys keep the confrontation level down to a minimum and the professionalism to the max, everything will go down smoothly. Good luck to you, mate.

[groovaholic]

The problem becomes that the more bad@$$, no-nonsense, and proficient you are on your instrument, the more desirable you become to guys. It's sick, and it's not fair, but I've seen it MANY times: A woman who is ROCKING with swagger and confidence will have the attention of EVERY dude in the place.

We men are simple, instinctive creatures.

Exhibit A: I saw a local band with a female bassist. She was playing a 5-string Modulus into a Euphoic Audio rig; serious gear. But she was wearing high-heeled boots and a mini-skirt and standing COMPLETELY still on stage. After 30 seconds of "she's a good player" it struck me that she was a total buzz-kill on stage.

Exhibit B: I saw Helms Alee at a large theater show. The drummer was a woman wearing sneakers, basketball shorts, and her hair in a ponytail. Nothing flashy about how she dressed, but...
She was beating the drums like they owed her money and EVERY guy in that place watched her that ENTIRE show. It wasn't because she was a "good drummer for a chick", it was because she was simply a VERY good drummer, playing with focus and intensity.

Sounds like you're in the band because you're a MUSICIAN; so that makes you a threat.

New GF doesn't understand the intra-band dynamics yet, but she saw you on stage commanding attention, and it made her feel insecure and disposable in her new relationship.

As others have said, it's up to your drummer to clarify this issue for her.

Band drama sucks A$$..it's like the worst of domestic drama coupled with the worst of workplace drama.

Best of luck to you...

[Factor88]

Originally Posted by Plays_For_Dog

Respect gets respect. Treat him respectfully and you should get it in return. If you don't, then give no more respect and move along.

Agree with this..but since in the OP there was a line "I've talked to a couple of the other guys & they agree that it was out of line. Basically its been said that these chics r all interchangeable but I'm permanent." I'm saying that if this is true, the guys in her band (not just the drummer) have little respect for the women around the band, and therefore should not expect respectful behaviour from those women in return. You won't get "normal", you'll get drama.

In my younger days I was a player, and a certain amount of drama came along with that..when I was in a band with other players the whole band was constantly surrounded with drama. It is what it is. If you can't deal, find another band.

[baileyboy]

Originally Posted by tld2cool

Shall I start again for those that can't read 21st century shorthand?

Not a bad idea.... some of us still remember when "KFC" was Kentucky Fried Chicken and "IHOP" was International House of Pancakes.

[mattbass6945]

no one puts baby in a corner! sorry, couldn't help it.

the fact that you're female shouldn't matter. just let your opinion be known and if they don't like it, it may be time to find another band.

[hernameisrio]

You're there to play bass. I was trying to decipher your post and it just sounds like unnecessary drama. Just f$%ing play.

[jive1]

Easy solution:

At a gig, just have some friends to hang out with during breaks. If one of the girlfriends gives you trouble, call the bouncer or bartender over to take care of it.

Having drama like that in a public fashion isn't only a pain in the butt for you, but it reflects poorly on your band. In addition to being too loud, sounding like crap, showing up late, etc, bringing in the wrong crowd can cost you a gig. Sometimes the wrong crowd just has to be one person.

[FrenchBassQC]

Originally Posted by elgecko

I think it's just an intermittent vowel key malfunction.

No, it is an undocumented feature of many keyboards.

[MarkMgibson]

The singer/bass player in my band is a very attractive woman, and she likes to interact with the band members when she's on stage (puts her arm around us, shares a mic - harmless flirty stage things). I can't tell you how many girlfriends of band members have carried on with jealousy trips about this. She has a boyfriend, and has never been romantically involved with any of us, but it doesn't seem to matter. She just refuses to engage with them (the girlfriends) at all. After all, it's really not her problem, and it's not your's either. I'm afraid this is probably not the first time this will happen, no matter how unfair it is.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

Excuse me. We're not texting here.

+1

Im not usually one to nitpik at this kind of thing, but being a person who doesnt use txtspk, I find the OP hard to read.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by tld2cool

Thank you NYCbassist. This is exactly how I feel. I'm not the confrontational type and avoid drama when possible. But I'm also not going to let a "bar whore" thinking it's okay to treat me like I'm lower in hierarchy in this particular groups dynamics then she is. I strongly believe that this needs to be dealt with in a timely manner to avoid any future issues. Plus he needs "to put that bitch on a leash". lol

Do you know what the drummers girlfriends problem is?
Im thinking she's just jealous that youre in a band with her boyfriend. Keep in mind that she was the drummers second chick, and Im assuming they were seeing each other while he was still with his other girlfriend. Now she;s thinking its possible you could be the second chick, assuming she thinks she is now his first chick.