Oops, guess I burned that bridge....

FuturePrimitive · #1 02-22-2008, 07:45 AM

So Wednesday night I had a jam with a drummer and 2 guitarists. We (they) picked 6 songs to try. The day before the jam the lead guitar player sent an email stating that the drummers house is pretty far away and wasn't sure when he would make it out, didn't have a cell phone, and his car was old and may break down. Anyway, the jam is at the drummers house which is a hike from the city. I show up on time, wait about 20 minutes for the singer/guitarist/organizer to get there. He arrives and sets up. We sit around for another 20 minutes or so and then he decides to get in his car and drive around a bit to try and find the lead guitar player. Comes back about 20 minutes later empty handed so we decide to try a few of the songs anyway. We get through 1 song and then his phone rings, lead guitar player got lost and couldn't find the place so he went home. This was about 1.5 hours after the jam was supposed to start. We tried 1 more song but didn't even make it half way through before the singer decides to call it a night and say thanks but no thanks.

I get an email from the guitar/singer the next day asking if I'd still be interested in playing with him if he found another drummer closer to town. I replied saying I would certainly come out for another jam (I'm always looking to play with people). Then I asked him about the previous jam session and if the other guitar player was reliable or would failing to come to practices be a common theme.

He sent me a long, scathing reply, I'll spare you the details but basically he said I had no right to ask such a thing of someone I don't know.

Was I out of line asking that question? I don't want to join up with a band that has members that only show up when they feel like it, I was just trying to see if this was one of those situations.

Anyway, I apologized for offending him and wished him luck in the future.

bassbrock · #2 02-22-2008, 07:47 AM

Sounds like a reasonable question to me, I don't see the problem.

Also sounds like that 'lead' guitar player is a control freak.

By the way, do you guys not have cell phones? Call each other and keep each other posted of your status! I certainly would not go driving around looking for one of my bandmates who was only 20 minutes late after setup.

vinny · #3 02-22-2008, 08:50 AM

Well if that (fair) question burned the bridge, you're better off getting out now. Don't look back. Some people think they're doing you (just a bass player) a favor by allowing you to be in their presence.

Unfortunately, this seems to occur at a higher frequency among guitards.

Rickett Customs · #4 02-22-2008, 09:01 AM

Doesn't sound like a "burning bridge" to me, that one was already smokin' from day 1.

Sahm · #5 02-22-2008, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FuturePrimitive

He sent me a long, scathing reply, I'll spare you the details but basically he said I had no right to ask such a thing of someone I don't know.

That's a weird sentiment (the guitarist's). Of course you had the right to ask that, they went almost two hours past the scheduled time! And, someone you don't know is exactly who you'd ask that question about. If you knew the guy, you'd already know his rehearsal habits!

You were given a gift, getting to know their quirks right upfront without having to waste any more of your time to find that out! As mentioned above, that was a bridge worth burning!

mjolnir · #6 02-22-2008, 09:14 AM

You asked a very reasonable question, nothing wrong with it at all. The guitard was totally out of line to chastise you for that.

Busker · #7 02-22-2008, 09:16 AM

I say burn baby, burn.

Life is short, no time to waste on flakey people.

I sorta joined this band several weeks ago. I had reservations because it seemed to me they didn't work hard enough on actually learning the songs beginning, middle and end, but they were close to home and I thought I'd give it a chance. So I show up to the first rehearsal and the drummer never shows. No show, no phone call, nothing.

He wasted everyone's time that night. I ended up by telling them thanks but no thanks.

Humblerumble · #8 02-22-2008, 09:19 AM

Agree with the other guys. Be glad you missed that mess.

QORC · #9 02-22-2008, 09:23 AM

you did nothing wrong. You were there, prepared and on time.; It's only polite that everyone does the same.

If they were responsible, good folks, and trying to entice you to join, they should have been APOLOGIZING to you for the fiasco.

If they jumped all over you for your question, they aren't people you want to be associated with. That should tell you everything you need to know.

JKT · #10 02-22-2008, 09:44 AM

Yeah, they did you a favor no question. And what-up with the singer callin it a night after all the delay? I smell prima-donna. And I have great nose for that. ( It is a pungent aroma, similiar to roasted almonds...and gangrene.)

JKT

bench · #11 02-22-2008, 09:47 AM

...I thought you burned a bridge... ...on a bass...

..who would do such a mean thing...

Illbay · #12 02-22-2008, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FuturePrimitive

Was I out of line asking that question?

Well, you paraphrased rather than quoted your email to him. Did you say something scatalogical regarding the guitarist's mental makeup (i.e. "has the guy got **** for brains?"

)

Or was it as reasonable as you imply?

If the former, maybe you had it coming. However, if (as I assume) it was the latter, then you dodged a bullet, because it sounds like you woulda had two flakes (plus an inaccessible drummer) in your group - bad news.

You're likely well rid of them.

Puarija · #13 02-22-2008, 10:01 AM

Sounds to me like you were trying to build a bridge, and they were trying to burn it themselves. No sweat...

FuturePrimitive · #14 02-22-2008, 10:29 AM

Ok, I didn't think I was really out of line but I am new to this whole band/jamming/auditioning thing so I wasn't sure if I had breached some sort of unwritten code or something. Sounds like I may have dodged a bullet on this one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Illbay

Well, you paraphrased rather than quoted your email to him. Did you say something scatalogical regarding the guitarist's mental makeup (i.e. "has the guy got **** for brains?"

)

Or was it as reasonable as you imply?

Here's the quote from my email (name removed):

"I hate to be blunt and please don't take offense to this but is ***** gonna be reliable in terms of showing up to practices and communication? Was last night a fluke or the start of a pattern? Again sorry for being blunt but I figure it's best to get the tough questions out of the way first."

Was that too harsh? I tried to be as diplomatic as I could be, I really didn't want to piss anyone off.

Illbay · #15 02-22-2008, 10:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FuturePrimitive

Was that too harsh? I tried to be as diplomatic as I could be, I really didn't want to piss anyone off.

No, it was right-on, to the point and absolutely devoid of anything you could call "judgment." Which is ironic, considering the singer's response.

Here's an interesting way to look at it:

YOU were simply asking a question. True, it was a "blunt" question, but it was NOT even an implication. You were ASKING A QUESTION. You don't want to waste your time, and you don't know any of these people. First impressions may not often be correct, but they are the very first information that you ingest about another person.

Every single music instructor, or music school of instruction, that I've ever had any contact with lays out ground rules from the very start: You will pay for the lessons up front, you will be here on time - fifteen minutes late without a call ahead equals a "no show" - and you are not entitled to a refund if you miss a lesson. Lessons may be "made up" at the discretion of the instructor, etc.

Why do you think they put that in writing over your signature to begin with? Because they don't want to waste their time, and be held "hostage" to a student who doesn't take things seriously.

So your QUESTIONS were absolutely proper.

But now look at the singer's reaction. He accuses YOU of "making accusations about someone you don't know," etc. Tell you you're out of line.

I ask you this: Between the two of you, WHO WAS BEING JUDGMENTAL?

Vandelay · #16 02-22-2008, 10:36 AM

You were more than diplomatic. The singer is being a baby.

Darkstrike · #17 02-22-2008, 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FuturePrimitive

Ok, I didn't think I was really out of line but I am new to this whole band/jamming/auditioning thing so I wasn't sure if I had breached some sort of unwritten code or something. Sounds like I may have dodged a bullet on this one.

Here's the quote from my email (name removed):

"I hate to be blunt and please don't take offense to this but is ***** gonna be reliable in terms of showing up to practices and communication? Was last night a fluke or the start of a pattern? Again sorry for being blunt but I figure it's best to get the tough questions out of the way first."

Was that too harsh? I tried to be as diplomatic as I could be, I really didn't want to piss anyone off.

Yeah,

Trust me, It aint you thats the problem.

mutedeity · #18 02-22-2008, 11:58 AM

Perfectly reasonable. The whole situation you found yourself in sounds about as unprofessional as it gets.

Firstly you drove all the way out there only to have your time completely wasted not only by the guy who didn't bother to show up, but also by the guy who did. Basically if it was an audition for the drummer, as it seems to have been, the person arranging the situation should have made it a more conveinient location for you all.

Asking what you did is not only reasonable it is important that you did. The response you got more than answers your question though and at the same time tells you that not only is it likely to be the norm, but that the "lead" guy is sensitive about it but is prepared to wear it.

My advice is that these guys aren't acting very professionally, go find some people that do.

nsmar4211 · #19 02-22-2008, 05:50 PM

You were fine. No excuse for a no show....... if the guy needed a ride he should've asked. Jam or no jam, you still be courteous. Sounded like a good question, no need to even say you were being blunt. Go find some better people that play

.

KeithPas · #20 02-22-2008, 05:58 PM

I would have been in that creeps grill for wasting my time. You did nothing wrong and you had every right to ask him that question. These guys think they have a right to just waste half your damn day. They can go get lost in the country as far as I'm concerned thank you very much.