Opinion? Sub-bass for unavailable gigs

[Bergerdude]

Hi,
I'm trying to have a big picture outlook here, and maybe my insecurities are getting the best of me.

I started a band with some guys...we had one jam and decided to go forward. Then I had to be out of the country for a month and they decided to have a friend sit-in to move things forward while I was gone.
Then a gig comes up which I could do, but it was given to their friend "since he has been doing the practicing and is up to speed."

Now a gig came up when I will be up to speed, but I have a prior engagement. The gig is not booked yet.

Should I feel slighted if they book it...going with the Sub anyway?

Even though the lead singer says he is replaceable...it is half-hearted because we can't do a gig without him...I am more easily replaced.

My schedule is busy...family...small kids.

I would prefer that everyone would just be a unified group...one for all, all for one type of thing and just pass up gigs I can't make.

However, am I thinking too "small" about this...maybe this is a good thing?

I am reluctant to give my ideas and suggestions to the band simply to have them pick my brains and kick me to the curb.
I have much more band experience/booking/marketing than they do. Heck...picking a band name, everyone looked to me. There is no creativity in anyone....so I feel I will be the creative force only to be left by the wayside....used and abused.

I am told I am "the guy" but at this point I have had less workings with the group (I put together) than their Sub.

It's weird....every band I have been in has been a "band"....we all go or no one goes.

Again, maybe my view is messed up, and as long as I get dibs on the good gigs I should be happy..???

Opinions?

Thanks!

[billhilly66]

"I would prefer that everyone would just be a unified group...one for all, all for one type of thing and just pass up gigs I can't make."

Thinking like that will get you replaced permanently. Somewhere on another forum there's a post about how their bass player wants the whole band to sit at home because he can't make the gig. Guess what kind of advice that's generating.

[TRichardsbass]

You are actually the "sub-bass". Even if you were the catalyst for the band, it seems your place in life and schedule don't mesh with where these guys want to go. So the fill in is actually the regular bassist.

Lets say you were the lead singer. The bass player comes to you and says, "I know we are looking to play out, but I have to be out of the country for a month. Would you mind waiting until I get back before we play?" So the bass player goes away, and a good gig comes available. So you go and find another bass player for "fill in." The original bass player comes back, you rehearse with him, then you book a gig. The original bass player comes to you and says, "hey, I know we have been rehearsing and I finally got caught up, but I can't make that gig you just booked."

See what I mean?

You basically are creating your own two-strike count. What would you do in this scenario if the band waited on the original bass player, and another gig comes up and he says, "Hey, I can't make that one either."

I feel for ya. Been there a couple of times. Had to punt and it took me a while to get back in the scene.

[Geddyfleaharris]

Sorry man. Gigs are hard to get. You are holding the band back. No way am I sitting at home working around one person's all the time especially a negative one. If you want to be in the band - make it happen!

[Bergerdude]

thanks for the opinions.

The band just started...so it's not like they had to do this first gig. Anyway the guitarist will be gone for 2 weeks for his wedding, and the drummer will be gone a different 2 weeks for his job.
I guess since I'm the most easiet to replace that eats at me a little...and lack of loyalty....but hey there is no honor among theives.

It's just a different situation then I had hoped for, oh well.

Thanks.

[Bergerdude]

Guys,
Some more thoughts....
Since I am basically a fill-in....these guys want money for promopaks and stuff....


So since I have no say in what gigs we take (they'll just call a Sub) do I contribute any money?

[Downunderwonder]

You already left the band dude. I can see this getting really ugly in another week.

[glocke1]

Its actually pretty simple. Either you want to play and are able to make the time to attend rehearsals and gigs, or you don't have the time for rehearsals and gigs.

Im not trying to be a jerk, but thats really the way it is.


Maybe these guys want to adhere to a busier schedule than you are willing to commit to? If thats the case you really can't fault them for going with the other guy.

Maybe find another group of people to play with that would be ok with your other obligations?

Oh, and as a fill-in, don't give any money.

[fdeck]

I suggest doing a switcheroo with the other bassist. Let the band know that you'll be available as a sub. That way you're off the hook for rehearsals and band expenses. Meanwhile, you can join another band.

[Jim Campbell]

Originally Posted by Bergerdude

Hi,
I'm trying to have a big picture outlook here, and maybe my insecurities are getting the best of me.

I started a band with some guys...we had one jam and decided to go forward. Then I had to be out of the country for a month and they decided to have a friend sit-in to move things forward while I was gone.
Then a gig comes up which I could do, but it was given to their friend "since he has been doing the practicing and is up to speed."

Now a gig came up when I will be up to speed, but I have a prior engagement. The gig is not booked yet.

Should I feel slighted if they book it...going with the Sub anyway?

Even though the lead singer says he is replaceable...it is half-hearted because we can't do a gig without him...I am more easily replaced.

My schedule is busy...family...small kids.

I would prefer that everyone would just be a unified group...one for all, all for one type of thing and just pass up gigs I can't make.

However, am I thinking too "small" about this...maybe this is a good thing?

I am reluctant to give my ideas and suggestions to the band simply to have them pick my brains and kick me to the curb.
I have much more band experience/booking/marketing than they do. Heck...picking a band name, everyone looked to me. There is no creativity in anyone....so I feel I will be the creative force only to be left by the wayside....used and abused.

I am told I am "the guy" but at this point I have had less workings with the group (I put together) than their Sub.

It's weird....every band I have been in has been a "band"....we all go or no one goes.

Again, maybe my view is messed up, and as long as I get dibs on the good gigs I should be happy..???

Opinions?

Thanks!

sooner or later you miss one gig too many and people start to think you are really not committed to it....if you want the other guys to sit home when you can't make it,that day will appear way sooner.....i'd say it's time to sit down and reassess your time for a band,and maybe trade places with the sub.....your guys have been very good about holding your place

[Bergerdude]

Ummm...they haven't been that good about holding my spot.

As I thought would happen, since they have rehearsed every week with the Sub while I was gone for a month....he is basically a fixture now.

When I could rehearse, the drummer was out for 2 weeks and then the guitarist was out for another 2 weeks.
There wasn't anyone willing to rehearse without the lead guitarist while he was gone....but they were happy to do it when I was gone.

When everyone was available and I asked to rehearse again I got the...um "we need a band meeting." LoL.

I'm not traveling an hour to get ambushed and fired.

Oh well there will be other bands...I just hope I like the music as well.

Thanks for the opinions anyway....

[aztomr]

Berger, it sounds like this wasn't the band for you. Don't sweat the little stuff. When this kind of thing happens to me, I shrug it off and remind myself that The Yardbirds fired Jeff Beck.

[sobie18]

I've been there many times...shift work, working weekends, deployments, etc.

However, PRIORITIZE and remember to keep the family first.