Opinions..Left A Band Today

[Already In Use]

The history. Been playing with a keyboard player semi steady for about 3 years. She is the band leader. She has gone thru a variety of vocalists and guitar players retaining me as her bass player. Played a few free gigs and only one paying gig in 3.5 years.

I have played with a few other folks over that time, mostly for fun. The latest was as a sub for a 7 piece jazz and blues band. That band wants me to be their bass player, organizing and playing a handful of shows over a 5 month period. I agreed to do that.

Today, after knowing this for a month my band leader is sort of giving me a farewell speech on the phone as she is arranging our practice this afternoon. She referred to both me and our guitar player/lead vocalists as boat anchors.

At practice we have a discussion over chordal tones vs scale intervals. I like to play chord tones and chromatic approach notes...I play what she arranges. We talk about 3rds, 4ths and 5ths and triads(which she doesnt have a clue about).She then goes into attempting to school me on my bass not knowing string names, numbers or how the fretboard is arranged. I show her on a tuner...the discussion gets heated...I get insulted again. I draw a picture and show it again on the keyboard. The insult stands.

I packed up my gear and left...no gigs in sight for this band.

Wondering...how much does one give...how much does one take before enough is enough?

I dont know.

[guy n. cognito]

One paid gig in 3.5 years? I wouldn't have stuck around long enough to get insulted and I certainly wouldn't have cared enough to get insulted.

[Downunderwonder]

You didn't leave a band. If it's not off the ground in 6 weeks it's a "project".

How much you give is up to the individual but you gave plenty if you ask me, far more than I would have.

Band leader is no such thing.

[Lowactnsatsfctn]

Seems that she is the problem. I think you're going to be a lot better off with a change of scenery

[ChrisB2]

Originally Posted by Already In Use

Played a few free gigs and only one paying gig in 3.5 years.

That's enough, for me anyway...

Go enjoy your new band and don't look back.

[mjac28]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

One paid gig in 3.5 years? I wouldn't have stuck around long enough to get insulted and I certainly wouldn't have cared enough to get insulted.

+1 She probably thinks she's the next Lady Ga Ga and she's going to show all of you guys you just wait and see.

[jaywa]

Wow. I wouldnt have put up with that situation for 3.5 months, much less years. Pretty easy to see why she can't keep a lineup together.

Anyway, congrats on making the move. Sounds like good things are waiting.

[Renaissance]

Originally Posted by Already In Use

She has gone thru a variety of vocalists and guitar players retaining me as her bass player. Played a few free gigs and only one paying gig in 3.5 years.

She referred to both me and our guitar player/lead vocalists as boat anchors.

...no gigs in sight for this band.

If you're happy I'm happy for ya, but this seems like about 3.5 years too long for me - give or take 48 hours or so.

[Already In Use]

I really appreciate the opinions. It's been hard today. Peace brothers and sisters!

[obimark]

Know the warning signs, follow them, and when you see them, take appropriate steps to get out. Quickly. If it doesn't feel right in your gut, it isn't right.

[bluewine]

You didn't leave a band, you left a project that didn't work.

Blue

[fdeck]

+1

[superjesus]

Originally Posted by Downunderwonder

You didn't leave a band. If it's not off the ground in 6 weeks it's a "project".

I like this thought.

[bassbully]

Consider it a blessing. Good luck to her finding anyone to put up with her Diva crap..she will need it.

[two fingers]

Originally Posted by Downunderwonder

You didn't leave a band. If it's not off the ground in 6 weeks it's a "project".

Ha! "Project" is the NICEST word one could POSSIBLY use for whatever that occasional gathering of musicians was. But your point is spot on.

This wasn't a band. This was one egomaniac who had somehow convinced some others to join her in her "quest".

You stuck around about 3.49 more years than I would have.

[pacojas]

so,.. did you and her have something going on the side or not?!!

[mcnach]

Originally Posted by Already In Use

The history. Been playing with a keyboard player semi steady for about 3 years. She is the band leader. She has gone thru a variety of vocalists and guitar players retaining me as her bass player. Played a few free gigs and only one paying gig in 3.5 years.

I have played with a few other folks over that time, mostly for fun. The latest was as a sub for a 7 piece jazz and blues band. That band wants me to be their bass player, organizing and playing a handful of shows over a 5 month period. I agreed to do that.

Today, after knowing this for a month my band leader is sort of giving me a farewell speech on the phone as she is arranging our practice this afternoon. She referred to both me and our guitar player/lead vocalists as boat anchors.

At practice we have a discussion over chordal tones vs scale intervals. I like to play chord tones and chromatic approach notes...I play what she arranges. We talk about 3rds, 4ths and 5ths and triads(which she doesnt have a clue about).She then goes into attempting to school me on my bass not knowing string names, numbers or how the fretboard is arranged. I show her on a tuner...the discussion gets heated...I get insulted again. I draw a picture and show it again on the keyboard. The insult stands.

I packed up my gear and left...no gigs in sight for this band.

Wondering...how much does one give...how much does one take before enough is enough?

I dont know.

Sounds like you were very patient.

I'm sure 12 months from now she will be in the same spot while you will be actively playing a real band.

[Rune Bivrin]

Originally Posted by Already In Use

At practice we have a discussion over chordal tones vs scale intervals. I like to play chord tones and chromatic approach notes...I play what she arranges. We talk about 3rds, 4ths and 5ths and triads(which she doesnt have a clue about).She then goes into attempting to school me on my bass not knowing string names, numbers or how the fretboard is arranged. I show her on a tuner...the discussion gets heated...I get insulted again. I draw a picture and show it again on the keyboard. The insult stands.

Never argue with idiots. They'll drag you down to their level and win with experience.

Frankly, a keyboard player who doesn't know what a triad is sounds quite ... esoteric... Were her keys perchance marked with coloured dots or numbers?

[craig.p]

Originally Posted by Already In Use

She referred to both me and our guitar player/lead vocalists as boat anchors.

One thing I've found common among borderline neurotics is they'll often accuse you of possessing the personality traits they know they possess themselves, but wont admit it. ("If it's you, then it can't be me, so I'll make you the problem, which will work great for me because then I won't have to confront any internal root causes." That type of deal.)

The other thing is, how does a BL slap the Boat Anchor label on someone who's loyal -- unless he's a crap player or has crap equipment or won't learn a style that's needed for the project to fly or refuses to do certain music or gigs?

[obimark]

The reality is there are a LOT of "Basement" "heroes", on ALL instruments. You need to learn to recognize them, and then avoid them at all costs, unless you are just wanting to "Jam". Because after having dealt with at least 10-20 of them, I can tell you , they WILL NEVER gig out anywhere.

My rule is we are gigging out within 2-3 months or I am out.