Quit a Band Last Night @Practice-Feel Oogy

[StyleOverShow]

Have quit many bands in my 40+ years of playing, some for good reasons, some for not so good reasons.

Have worked 4 gigs with this band in three months, and practiced probably as many times as we played.

Last night I was at a rehearsal for this "once a month gig" band and when they insisted on rehearsing an 'ice cream' changes 1950's oldie, I asked "what are we going to learn in practicing this song". They insisted that they needed to work on harmonies, and I asked why not work them out with the KB or guitar and not the whole band. There was a lot of talk but not much in the way of reasoning why other than they simply do everything altogether, practicing songs from start to end, without stopping to figure out problem(s) like chord transitions or harmonies.

Reluctantly, I started to play the tune, but watching the three stooges (they were joking and making faces) reaching for harmonies was too much and I stopped playing. I made a speech introducing to them the idea of preparation for practices, distributing MP3's, everyone learning their parts and then coming to practice to work out the tune/feel and the road map (again). They told me that I wasn't with the "ABC's or practicing", meaning that I hadn't read the primer on the way things are done. I agreed and switched off my amp and began packing up my gear.

I have been playing for along time, have seen many arrangements of band management from 'the talent' running the show to the guy who owns the van/PA/soundman acting as manager. They are never democracies but at some level they are at least meritocracies. They better player you are, the more skill sets you acquire, e.g. styles/techniques, reading, number of songs that you know, then generally, unless you are geographically isolated, you get into better bands with better players.

After awhile, it becomes totally about the music and what contributions you can make to the combined voice of the band (IMO). It's not about playing a killer line or a great soloist, its about the combined efforts of the band.

It wasn't a good band by most measures, but I feel frustrated that I couldn't coach them to a new place, inspire them to respect the music more or get them to take it just a little more seriously, put down the bong and listen to what the noises they are making.

I feel oogey today, a tad pissed offed, and a whole lot more disappointed in my own communication and leadership capabilities, and to be honest, at how low standards I will stoop to perform in bands with gigs. Sorry for the long rant, but does this resonate with anyone else?

[DWBass]

I feel you! You're not alone. I'm always 'dumbing' myself down trying to get with bands with the hope that they would step up their games once they see and hear all the 'awesomeness' I bring to the band but it just never happens and I end up leaving! I never feel bad though but I do feel like I wasted my time!

[Stumbo]

There was a lot of talk but not much in the way of reasoning why other than they simply do everything altogether, practicing songs from start to end, without stopping to figure out problem(s) like chord transitions or harmonies.

If that's the way they have run things in the past, soap boxing it won't change things.

With all your experience, it becomes much more difficult to put up with others who won't listen. Been there, done that. Even in non-band situations.

Obviously, they have no respect for you and your suggestions so they continue on their merry way, not knowing (or caring) that by putting in the same amount of time with a different focus, the music would be so much better executed with much less hassle. Check in with them 5 years from now and nothing will have changed.

To each his own.

Time to move on.

[DaveDeVille]

Originally Posted by StyleOverShow

...
After awhile, it becomes totally about the music
and what contributions you can make to the combined voice of the band (IMO).
It's not about playing a killer line or a great soloist,
its about the combined efforts of the band.

...Sorry for the long rant, but does this resonate with anyone else?

absolutely agree with you about band efforts and contributions ...
sounds like you made the right decision , and it's the one i would have made also .

don't worry about the " oogy " feeling , it will go away ...

[Ric5]

I usually quit bands because I can not stand playing certain songs they want to play or I can no longer stand the members.

[Toshiro]

What I've come to realize is that in a band setting I either need to be the leader and set the parameters or I need to just be a player and go along with the program.

Anything in between those two points ends up being aggravation for me.

FWIW:

Technically the last time I quit a band was because the band was a complete mess. No set lists, lots of drinking, and expecting me to stand aside while friends came up to play bass. That and the implied threat of physical violence.

[alembicguy]

When its not fun its time to move on!

The more experienced (better) you get the less you play. I think Ron Carter said that.

[scottbass]

Originally Posted by StyleOverShow

It wasn't a good band by most measures, but I feel frustrated that I couldn't coach them to a new place, inspire them to respect the music more or get them to take it just a little more seriously, put down the bong and listen to what the noises they are making.

I see by your profile you're even slightly more elderly than me. From your description, it sounds like this was a band of youngsters who have not yet figured out how to work efficiently, or even how to work at all.

I am NOT criticizing those who still indulge in the herb. But I find I can't function AT ALL in a band with those who do. I've been there, done that, and then I got older.

Forgive me if this was a band of fellow 50-somethings, but it sounds to me like the old problem of differing maturity levels, regardless of calendar age. If so, IME nothing much can be done to instill greater wisdom in those who don't wish to be any wiser than they are at the moment.

Yeah, it happens to me, too. And then I do what you did: move on.

[Vanceman]

Originally Posted by drpocket

The more experienced (better) you get the less you play. I think Ron Carter said that.

Wow! I must be getting pretty good then. I've developed a style of playing less, leaving a lot of space, but that was so I could hear everyone else, which would allow me to groove better.

To address the OP, I know where you're coming from. I hated each time we got together, plus there was tension between several people. Some people just have lower standards, and don't want to work that hard.

You get spoiled by being in a situation where everyone's prepared for each practice, done their homework, and are ready to do the songs some justice.

[cheezewiz]

No reason to feel bad. You're much better off being away from that waste of time.

[GreyBeard]

You just were not a good fit for that band.

[StyleOverShow]

Thanks guys for your thoughts. I am going to a Blues Jam tonight to wash the taste out of my mouth (Prince of Whales, Playa Del Rey).

Originally Posted by scottbass

I see by your profile you're even slightly more elderly than me.

More elderly??? Now that truly hurts!

[StyleOverShow]

BTW, they are a band of 50 year olds.

[Bluesy Soul]

Originally Posted by StyleOverShow

but does this resonate with anyone else?

In spades. FWIW, I'm a year older than you and I left a band earlier this year (all 50+, except one 30-something) for precisely the same reasons. I was driving 30+ miles each way to practice. We would set an agenda at the end of each rehearsal for the next rehearsal (usually at my insistence), exchange .mp3s or CDs and then, more-often-than-not, ignore them (again, usually over my pretestations). In five-and-half months, we played only one gig--at a top club in the area--and the drummer and guitarist (the 30-something) proceeded to get drunk and forget a number of our songs. We never did get a demo recorded because the guitarist cancelled two separate recording appointments at the last minute due to "personal conflicts" (i.e., some chick slept over or he was going drinking with friends). I finally realized I'd put up with it for too long, so I quit and politely explaiined why.

My leaving was good for both of us. They hired a less accomplished bass player; but they got their act together, recorded their demo and are now gigging semi-regularly. I found a group that was more accomplished, professional and organized. We gig regularly (which I wanted) and I'm happy again. The marketplace pays us what we're worth and pays them what they're worth.

It's hard to walk away, however, even when you realize it's probably inevitable. Finding more accomplished, organized and professional bands is difficult for us middle-aged thumpers. Most of my age peers seem to prefer "hobby"bands (no offense intended) that practice once a week at most and gig only once or twice a month.

There's no question it generally takes longer to find the more accomplished and disciplined bands and, when they have openings, replacements are often found through referrals rather than some of the more common avenues (Criagslist, etc.). At least in larger metro areas like the ones where we live, they exist and can be found eventually. You usually have to "kiss a few frogs", however.

I know just how you feel, StyleOverShow. Hang in there and best of luck to you.

Bluesy Soul

[daveman50]

Originally Posted by Toshiro

What I've come to realize is that in a band setting I either need to be the leader and set the parameters or I need to just be a player and go along with the program.

Anything in between those two points ends up being aggravation for me.

Agreed. And with the 2d option (me being just a player), it only works if the leader is talented, strong-willed (has a concept and communicates what he wants), and sensible (not a total ass). All 3 attributes are required. I've been "just a player" in bands with very, very talented front men who won't or can't exercise leadership..... or are insane pricks. Doesn't work.

[ForSix]

It's very difficult to cause other players, who might be insecure about their lack of ability, to pick up their game.

But you can do so with players who have the ability but aren't working on it.

I say this from experience.

My rule about rehearsing with a band is, as long as they're getting better and doing serious work during rehearsal, I'll keep coming. Otherwise, I'm gone.

[JimmyM]

Screw 'em. You weren't teaching those guys...you were CARRYING them. Big difference.

[sound of bass]

Originally Posted by GreyBeard

You just were not a good fit for that band.

I think that band was not a good fit for you. Have you ever heard the saying "You cant have a battle of wits with the unarmed?" I tried to never be a slouch in ANYTHING I ever did, and I will not hang out with people who dont share that attitude. Its very frustrating, be glad you're rid of them, otherwise you'll be dragged down with them.

[phatbass]

I've been through that a few times and this is one of the BIG reasons I will always be a gig-whore now. I might never have one incredible, well-rehearsed band of which I'm an integral member, but I miss out on 100% of the flakiness, laziness, business incompetence, and general bull doo-doo involved in a lot of bands.

I only ever deal with bands/acts that gig and get paid enough to hire me. This automatically means that generally they are of a certain ability and quality and are organised and on the ball. I don't wanna know about band politics; tell me when, where and how much and I'll be there. And contrary to what some folks might think, I have a great time (most of the time).