said I'm quitting - play until I'm replaced?

[Ivs]

Three days ago I said that I'm quitting the band after our next gig (which is in five days). I only told the drummer, because he seems to in charge. He said "Why did you say this only now? I'm sorry, but that's not how it works." and I agreed that I'll stay until they find a new bassist.

The thing is, I don't think they'll have an easy time replacing me. Before I joined four months ago, they hadn't had a bassist in half a year.

I'm quitting the band because I feel like only a bassist, not a band mate. I don't really talk with them. The drummer is pretty much the only one I talk to, and that is mostly 'business' talk, when and where to meet up, which songs to practice, etc. They go to the same school and are all in the same class, which makes it harder for me to jump into conversations. That, and there's no money involved. I'm not really looking forward to practice.

Is it unfair if I stop showing up for practice after the next gig?

[Phalex]

If they have gigs lined up, you really should play them. That is unless you don't care if you ever see or talk to these guys ever again, and are comfortable with the effect just dropping out with no notice may have on your reputation with other musicians that you may wish to play with in the future.

At the very least, give them a time frame. Tell them you'll give them 3 months to find a workable replacement.

[lonote]

Have you thought of telling them what your problem is? Maybe they wonder why you don't contribute more.

[PBass101]

This is a free country, but if they get upset and decide to badmouth you, you might risk damaging your rep as a reliable player with anybody else you might have played with.

[lomo]

Originally Posted by Phalex

Tell them you'll give them 3 months to find a workable replacement.

+1

[micahbell]

I agree with Phalex.
If they have shows booked you really should stick around, kind of a dick move to just take off.
But if this is the last gig they have booked for a while then by all means make it the last one.

[mytmous]

Well, are you joining a band to make music or friends?


My bandmates and I are friendly and have a great time, but we don't really hang out a whole lot outside of gigs and practice. I guess it depends on the person, but for me, I'm in it for the music first, friends second.

How long have you been in the band?
I personally think it's bad form to say you'll do something and not follow through (not showing up after the next gig that is).

[fryBASS]

Originally Posted by PBass101

This is a free country, but if they get upset and decide to badmouth you, you might risk damaging your rep as a reliable player with anybody else you might have played with.

Actually... he's in Norway

But, uhhh, I think they're pretty free at this point in time anyway

[Bassorama57]

+1. Having to quit my current band for a 'similar yet different' reason. When they brought me in, the standing (unwritten) agreement was to play all scheduled gigs until they find a replacement. The reason I'm leaving is simply I don't like the practice schedule and lack-of-gig schedule - seems like the band's become a social club. Playing through the schedule is a professional and courteous thing to do - not sure how things are in Norway, but around my little town, your reputation is the only thing you have of value.

[Spedracer]

I dunno about you guys but for a band to be "tight" and successful there needs to be a good band relationship. You don't always have to get along but you need to hang out and whatnot to develop a friendship. This all comes through in the music you play.

My suggestion, try to reconcile with them, build a better relationship. If its not possible then you should think about leaving.

Definitely play the gigs they have lined up. And try to become friends.

[sevenyearsdown]

Originally Posted by Phalex

If they have gigs lined up, you really should play them. That is unless you don't care if you ever see or talk to these guys ever again, and are comfortable with the effect just dropping out with no notice may have on your reputation with other musicians that you may wish to play with in the future.

At the very least, give them a time frame. Tell them you'll give them 3 months to find a workable replacement.

+1.

3 months is really fair, and it should leave you guys with a good working relationship when all is said and done (provided they don't start acting like idiots towards you). I was in a similar situation years ago and it ended very good because I stayed on until they could replace me.

[yamaha]

Difficult situation, not one easy answer. On the on hand, If you have a 50K+ job a year you hate, you can leave whenever you decide. If you're a volunteer in an organisation, and everybody is counting on you, you ususaly have to finish your mandate before stepping down. I think being a musician is in that whole gray area between the two extremes.

If you can, stick with them till they find a replacement. But if you ever find out they went a week or more without taking adds or auditions for new bassists, than they're not doing their part. And if it becomes too hard to stay, go your own way. Good luck.

[DanRJBrasil]

usually your band mates are not really your friends you can develop a friendship but is not usually the case, if you are making money out of it , friendship does not really matter, if not, it surely does.

[etoncrow]

The best band I ever played in was composed of myself and three other guys that I would not have chosen to hang with socially. Sometimes I did not even like them. The point of the band was the music and we did that well together. After about 4-1/2 years they decided that they wanted to hire a guy who was part of their social circle to replace me. I laughed and told them that it takes different kinds of people to make up a working enterprise. They learned the hard way and the band dissolved after a year.

Besides sharing this story I guess I am trying to say not to burn any bridges and be professional. After all it is a business.

[kraigo]

They're hardly in a position to dictate terms. It's your decision, not theirs. I agree that you should give them a time frame (e.g. three months).

OTOH, I always go back to the "won the lottery" scenario. If I won the lottery would I keep my day job? I'd like to think I would - a person has to have a reason to get up in the morning. The fact is that the first time I got p1ssed off, I'd probably say "I don't need this" and walk off the job. Wouldn't it be better for the organization if I just gave notice and stuck with it?

This isn't conscription. You have a choice whether you stay or go. If your girlfriend decides to break up with you, do you tell her "sorry, it doesn't work that way, you have to stick around until I find a replacement"?

KO

[markkoelsch]

First, it sounds like they are friends, and you were brought in to play bass. If this is the case have you made an effort to engage them on a more personal level? If that is what you are looking for then you need to make the effort. Also, if you want input in the band then make the input. If they accept it great, if not, then you know where you stand.

It kind of comes down to a simple quesion- were you hired to be a side man, or to be a band member? If you are hired to be a side man/hired gun then you best be getting paid. If you were hired to be a band member then you should have some input on band decisions.

With all that in mind, if they booked gigs while you were in the band you should stick around to play those gigs...at least until a replacement can be found. It sounds as though they are treating you professionally, so treat them the same.

[shamus63]

Some established bands have gigs lined up months in advance, so agreeing to play out their calendar can work against you.

I look at being in a band the same as a regular job...the work does not stop just because you are moving on, and they will just have to work out their needs in your absence.

A 4 week time frame would be fair enough if they already have gigs lined up...gives the band time to either find a replacement (or sub) for any gigs lined up beyond your leaving date, and/or to cancel any gigs after you leave.

If they have no gigs after this upcoming one, then no sense in hanging around if you're not into it.

YMMV.

[Commreman]

Be a pro. Do the gigs. The worst that can happen is that it will put some coin in your pocket, and build your reputation as a good guy. That will go a long way!

[tZer]

I went through the exact same thing - and here's how I was advised to handle it - and how I did handle my situation. I feel very much like I did it the right, professional way:

The professional thing to do is to live out your obligations. Your obligations are the number of gigs on your schedule prior to your statement that you want out.

They should try to fill your space as quickly as they can - it's in their best interest to get the spot filled and to be able to keep playing as uninterrupted as possible. IF they do that or not, it's their call. If they don't replace you before your last gig, you can at least legitimately say, "So long and good luck." without feeling like you left them hanging. You gave them notice, filled the spot and live up to your obligation to the band.

As for rehearsals - unless you feel like you need them yourself to remain viable in your role - meaning the rehearsals help you do your job they way you are supposed to - then you could feel pretty comfortable letting them know your in for the gigs only. But if the band counts on the bass player to be able to rehearse and your absence would prevent them from being able to do what they do, you should probably continue to go as part of your obligation to the band.

I guess what I am saying is that your role has created certain dependencies in the band - for gigs, definitely - for practices, possibly. Your choice to leave is your choice, but it wouldn't be fair to suddenly take your dependencies and leave them hanging.

Also - I know it may be true that you'll be hard to replace, the reality for the most part is that there are other bass players out there who will probably fill the spot just fine. It's really up to the band to get on the stick and find them.

[GreggBummer]

Originally Posted by etoncrow

...I guess I am trying to say not to burn any bridges and be professional. After all it is a business.

+1

I think when you leave a band you should set the conditions for leaving. You should play the gigs they have lined up. I left a band a few years ago and I helped find my replacement...

One more bit of wisdom- A guy who is a meathead now might not be a meathead ten years from now. People change. Don't burn any bridges... you may walk into an audition in ten years and find the drummer sitting behind the kit.