Should I be concerned/annoyed?

Marley's Ghost · #1 11-09-2009, 11:11 AM

Some background - This band is about 2 months old with the current lineup. We changed drummers about 2 months ago, so 4 months total. It was formed by myself and the lead singer/rhythm guitarist, with the agreement that it was to be a PART TIME fun/party band. We all have demanding jobs and families. And I have to get up for work at 5am during the week.

I sing some lead and backing vocs. The singer added a keyboard player (who works with him) and lead guitarist and drummer (father and son). We rehearse at the drummer's house.

Rehearsal starts at about 6:30, and by about 9:30 - 10 we are done. I leave quickly (have work early) and everyone else hangs around.

About 3 weeks ago, singer send out an email that they talked after I left and decided to change the band name.

Last week, 3 days after rehearsal, the singer sends out an email announcing that after I left, everyone else decided on 3 new songs to work on for today's rehearsal. So now I only had a few days to learn the songs for tonight.

I like this band and the material, and don't want to shoot myself in the foot. But I am starting to feel like a second class member. How would you handle this situation?

gus1894 · #2 11-09-2009, 11:18 AM

Voice your concerns plainly, be straight and tell them like you'd want to hear it from somebody else. It's a fun/part time band, so in the end, it's about getting together with friends and doing what you all love to do. Tell them you'd like to be more involved in the decision-making process, but due to your work schedule, you can't stay afterwards (as much as you'd like to), perhaps suggest getting together a bit earlier and having "band meetings" before practice so that it's a full meeting. If you're in the right band, with the right guys, they will be fine with it. If you have a part-time situation, then time together is at a premium - it's probably just happening out of necessity.

Geddyfleaharris · #3 11-09-2009, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gus1894

Voice your concerns plainly, be straight and tell them like you'd want to hear it from somebody else. It's a fun/part time band, so in the end, it's about getting together with friends and doing what you all love to do. Tell them you'd like to be more involved in the decision-making process, but due to your work schedule, you can't stay afterwards (as much as you'd like to), perhaps suggest getting together a bit earlier and having "band meetings" before practice so that it's a full meeting. If you're in the right band, with the right guys, they will be fine with it. If you have a part-time situation, then time together is at a premium - it's probably just happening out of necessity.

+1 to the above.

I get up at 5:30 so I know about the early starts but once in awhile I try and stay a little later just for some "bonding" time. Unless you are really busy with home life I think a "few days" to learn 3 songs should be ok. Worse comes to worse learn the basics of the songs and then add in the fills etc later once you can spend a bit of time with them.

I just finished learning 36 songs in less then a month for a new band I have joined. All classic rock. We will have our 4th rehearsal this Wednesday and are gigging on the weekend.

gus1894 · #4 11-09-2009, 12:02 PM

+1 to your +1, Geddyfleeharris! Exactly the situation of my current band. We are pretty serious, but we have to work it out around crazy schedules. My guitarist can never stick around after practice (early work, 3 kids and the rest) so at first I had noticed a similar bit with discussions minus him where we'd be making choices w/o him. After a while I started leaving a few minutes behind him, so it was harder for those after-practice decision making situations to occur. I started bringing up stuff at the beginning of rehearsal, half way through. So it helped out (we have resorted to brief discussions at practice (like defining an outline) and then fleshing it out over emails during the week. There is always a solution if all are willing!

AlembicPlayer · #5 11-09-2009, 12:03 PM

email the band this thread

ChrisB2 · #6 11-09-2009, 12:56 PM

If it's "Your Band" and you are the clear, defined leader, then yes. But if not, it doesn't sound like there's too much in your story to be concerned about, except the fact that someone is emerging as a leader, and maybe that doesn't suit you.

The band I'm in has a clear leader, although we all speak our minds and decisions are collective. Sometimes these decisions are made without everyone's input, depending on who's around at the time.

Democracy bands can't operate this way, because every decision has to be approved by the entire committee, which is also why these bands have such difficulty moving forward.

In my case, decisions like what you describe are no big deal, since none of them are ever earth-shattering anyway, and I understand the set-up and I'm fine with it. It makes life a lot simpler.

It seems like your frustration is because you had a hand in starting the band, and you don't like someone else stepping forward in a seeming leader-type role. Probably time for a sit-down to figure out and define the organizational structure of this band. Edit: Or, you could just go with the flow and enjoy letting the other guy have all the responsibilities!

Hope it goes your way!

Marley's Ghost · #7 11-09-2009, 01:10 PM

I have no problem not being the leader. It is a quasi democracy, as any player has veto power on songs. Since the singer sings most of the songs and has recruited most of the band, he has more say.

What bugs me is that he waited 3 days to send the email with the new songs. He supposedly "forgot" but it was inconsiderate imo. Sorta feel like my chain is being jerked.

ThunderLizard · #8 11-09-2009, 01:18 PM

Marley- For a paying gigging band you might want to bring it up. For a basement band, I don't think it's worth your time or aggrivation. Learn the songs at your own pace after you get the update. That will remind them to notify everyone about new songs. They can only jerk your chain if you let them.

gus1894 · #9 11-09-2009, 01:24 PM

+1 about the jerking your chain part. But just lay it out for them. This is how you feel about the situation, and let them know that some consideration is in order. Just b/c you can't hang around all night doesn't mean you aren't in the band and part of the process.

electracoyote · #10 11-09-2009, 01:28 PM

My part-time band sounds very much like yours Marley, and we don't have meetings behind anyone's back and make decisions without everyone's input. Sometimes I think the "leader" will go with his initial desire, but certainly not without even giving the appearance of soliciting everyone's input. I think you have every right to expect at least that courtesy. And, ideally, as a founding member who was there from the start, your opinion should have some weight.

Doing things behind your back = not cool.

Crazyeelboy · #11 11-09-2009, 02:56 PM

Marley's Ghost:

Here's an idea - don't make a big deal of it (the band is supposed to be fun, after all). Just ask to bring up business and new song stuff at the start of rehearsal rather than at the end so that you're there.

Marley's Ghost · #12 11-09-2009, 03:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crazyeelboy

Marley's Ghost:

Here's an idea - don't make a big deal of it (the band is supposed to be fun, after all). Just ask to bring up business and new song stuff at the start of rehearsal rather than at the end so that you're there.

Quite a sane rational idea for a crazy guy!

Actually, we did spend about 30 mins brainstorming song ideas after rehearsal, and came up with about 4.

So it's not like I bolted out the door right after the last note was played.

two fingers · #13 11-09-2009, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marley's Ghost

I have no problem not being the leader. It is a quasi democracy, as any player has veto power on songs. Since the singer sings most of the songs and has recruited most of the band, he has more say.

What bugs me is that he waited 3 days to send the email with the new songs. He supposedly "forgot" but it was inconsiderate imo. Sorta feel like my chain is being jerked.

Meh. Just tell them you might not get them all learned with such short notice. End of story. If they get ANGRY, that's a totally different story alltogether. Bail while you can.

As far as making decisions after you leave, just TELL them if that bothers you. AFTER they react to your concerns you will know what to do either way. Worrying about it BEFORE hand is useless. It may not be a big deal to them at all. They just might say "Oh geez! Sorry about that dude! That was pretty stupid of us!" Not likely, but it could happen. If it does, let it go and move on. If they say "FU dude! If you're gonna leave early, you gotta deal with what we come up with!" then just punch at least one of them and walk out (you know I'm just kidding, right?). Seriously, you can't worry about what to do UNTIL you have voiced your concerns and they react to them. Best of luck!

Marley's Ghost · #14 11-09-2009, 03:29 PM

I actually did learn all 3 songs. But I am tempted to tell them i didn't have a chance just to see what kind of reaction i get.

**jmattbassplaya** · #15 11-09-2009, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marley's Ghost

I have no problem not being the leader. It is a quasi democracy, as any player has veto power on songs. Since the singer sings most of the songs and has recruited most of the band, he has more say.

What bugs me is that he waited 3 days to send the email with the new songs. He supposedly "forgot" but it was inconsiderate imo. Sorta feel like my chain is being jerked.

I know the exact feeling.

The band I was in over last summer was mainly led by the guitarist/drummer and they would discuss which songs to perform by our next rehearsal via email. Early on this was no problem because I was always informed the day a decision was made on what songs to have down by the next get-together. By the end of the summer, however, I often wouldn`t even be told what songs we were doing until the day of rehearsal

Normally this wouldn`t be a problem in most cover bands, but it`s different when you`re doing Rush, Dream Theater, and Yes cover songs

JohnMCA72 · #16 11-09-2009, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marley's Ghost

I have no problem not being the leader. It is a quasi democracy, as any player has veto power on songs. Since the singer sings most of the songs and has recruited most of the band, he has more say.

What bugs me is that he waited 3 days to send the email with the new songs. He supposedly "forgot" but it was inconsiderate imo. Sorta feel like my chain is being jerked.

Could just be simply the result of him not being a leader, or a reluctant one that's been put on the spot himself. Might have been an innocent case of not knowing what to do, or how to do it. Everybody may have been expecting somebody else to notify you. Not everybody can be a good leader, & some who can't get thrust into that role sometimes anyway.

JM

steveksux · #17 11-09-2009, 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Marley's Ghost

I actually did learn all 3 songs. But I am tempted to tell them i didn't have a chance just to see what kind of reaction i get.

Don't do that. You would be mad if they were playing games. Don't you play games to try to get "even". You're really not even sure there's anything to get even for yet.

Better of telling them they were lucky you got the tunes down on the short notice. Not even sure I'd do that, he said he forgot, why not take him at his word? If this was going on all the time, there's a problem. If its a one time only thing, it'an accident, its not a problem.

Randy

Kenner · #18 11-09-2009, 10:18 PM

How's about just roll in and pay the learned tunes and say nothing.............

and have some self pride that you could do it. If you can't make the time next time, so be it........unless your band is scheduled to save world hunger or something........

be you, and let the talkers not be you...............

**Stumbo** · #19 11-10-2009, 01:57 AM

Time for a band meeting to discuss how future decisions will be made. Is the singer now the leader? With the father/son and singer/keyboard player, it seems that you may be the odd man out. Ask them what's up. Maybe they want to change the rules of the game. Be proactive about it. You may need to find another group.

Marley's Ghost · #20 11-10-2009, 04:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JohnMCA72

Could just be simply the result of him not being a leader, or a reluctant one that's been put on the spot himself. Might have been an innocent case of not knowing what to do, or how to do it. Everybody may have been expecting somebody else to notify you. Not everybody can be a good leader, & some who can't get thrust into that role sometimes anyway.

JM

I think JohnMC hits it on the head.

Rehearsal was last night. As you probably could have predicted, Myself and the vocalist were the only ones who knew the 3 songs (and he had a lyrics sheet).

In fact I think I am the only one who has memorized the whole songlist.

Everything was peace and love, peace and love.