Should I do this thing?

[txbasschik]

Hubby and I are attending the wedding of two of our friends in a couple of weeks. The Couple from my old band is providing the music...doing acoustic duo-type stuff.

The groom tells me that there will be an acoustic jam at the lakeside, informal reception...led by The Couple from my old band.

He would like me to bring my bass and play with them. The bride says they've said good things about me. "Like what?", I asked. "Well, they really miss you."

Uh-huh. They are losing yet another bassist soon, so, yeah, I'll bet they miss me. I was loyal as a golden retriever. Since then, they can't keep anyone. Go figure.

It seems to mean a lot to the couple, groom in particular, for me to come prepared to play with those people. But, if the old band missed me so much, they've never e-mailed or called to say so. They are anything *but* friendly to me. I think they just don't have a bass player, and are sucking up so I'll play.

I don't like them. I don't particularly want to spend time with them, much less play with them. But if I don't, I'll disappoint the newly-married couple, and look like a douche-y diva.

Advice?

Cherie

[RCCollins]

do it just once for your friends getting hitched. but get them a cheap, crappy wedding present to balance out the favor

[bluewine]

You could play with them , but de-tune your bass and act like you can't hear their instuments.

[buzzbass]

Originally Posted by RCCollins

do it just once for your friends getting hitched. but get them a cheap, crappy wedding present to balance out the favor

most excellent advice, right there.

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by RCCollins

do it just once for your friends getting hitched. but get them a cheap, crappy wedding present to balance out the favor

Already bought it...a bottle of premium vodka. The bride is an expert bartender, and vodka's her fave. Her hubby-to-be likes to drink her inventions.

She came up with a red vodka drink that tastes exactly like cherry koolaid. We call it A.J.'s Jonestown Koolaid. (She lives in Jonestown, TX...too funny to pass up!)

Maybe I should just get her to make me a buncha koolaid, to ease the pain? LOL!

Cherie

[smogg]

I've done fill work with players I don't care for much when the money was right. It's just business. If it's a paying gig handle it as standard fill in job. If it is not a paying gig then no thanks. Just tell the bride and groom what ever they need to hear so as not to hurt their feelings. Who cares what the old band thinks.

[b_carville]

Play a few tunes & smile but don't play the entire reception.

Just do a few tunes or half a set.

I got suckered into something similar a year or so ago.I wound up playing & singing the whole damn night with people I DID NOT like!

Turns out the band was getting paid & their bass player could only do one set. I was duped(not by the bride & groom who I'm friendly with) by this bandleader.I was supposed to be a guest.

This band leader is a well known S.O.B!

I sent him an invoice. When he didn't pay I turned it over to a buddy of mine who works for a collection agency.

Remember,you are supposed to be a guest!

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by smogg

I've done fill work with players I don't care for much when the money was right. It's just business. If it's a paying gig handle it as standard fill in job. If it is not a paying gig then no thanks. Just tell the bride and groom what ever they need to hear so as not to hurt their feelings. Who cares what the old band thinks.

Nope, no money. They're getting paid for the music during the ceremony, but not for the jam, so I won't, either.

I don't care what the old band thinks. Its our friends' opinions...the couple's and the rest of the people attending...that I care about.

I think I will ask the bride for a pitcher of Jonestown Koolaid to be placed nearby, for the convenience and medication of the bassist, during the jam. LOL!

Cherie

[cassanova]

Originally Posted by txbasschik

Nope, no money. They're getting paid for the music during the ceremony, but not for the jam, so I won't, either.

I don't care what the old band thinks. Its our friends' opinions...the couple's and the rest of the people attending...that I care about.

I think I will ask the bride for a pitcher of Jonestown Koolaid to be placed nearby, for the convenience and medication of the bassist, during the jam. LOL!

Cherie

If its just a jam especially an unpaid one and I truly didn't like the people that I'd be playing with then no I wouldn't do it. I'm sure your friends would understand your situation and not expect or want you to compromise your integrity.

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by b_carville

Play a few tunes & smile but don't play the entire reception.

Just do a few tunes or half a set.

I got suckered into something similar a year or so ago.I wound up playing & singing the whole damn night with people I DID NOT like!

Turns out the band was getting paid & their bass player could only do one set. I was duped(not by the bride & groom who I'm friendly with) by this bandleader.I was supposed to be a guest.

This band leader is a well known S.O.B!

I sent him an invoice. When he didn't pay I turned it over to a buddy of mine who works for a collection agency.

Remember,you are supposed to be a guest!

That's a great idea! I'd like to be able to have fun at the reception, not play the whole thing for free with these jerky players. Only a few songs...perfect!

Groom wants me to bring my electric and play so loud that the old band can't be heard. Ha. No...that's not how I work.

I like your idea...come in, play beautifully for a few songs, then leave them to their duo thingie.

Cherie

[tycobb73]

Does your love for your friends override your dislkike for the old band? If it were me I'd do it and be very cordial with the band out of respect for my friends.

[madmic]

Play along with the first tree songs, then unplug.

You wil notice 3 things after you're done:

The band crying to eachother "I told you we was stupid"
The audience crying out "where on earth did the groove went to?"
The bride in tears realizing that she should have married you instead.

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by tycobb73

Does your love for your friends override your dislkike for the old band? If it were me I'd do it and be very cordial with the band out of respect for my friends.

Oh, I'll be nice. The bride has noted that, when I am around someone who is making me angry or annoyed, I simply remove them from my company by walking away at an opportune moment. She likes that. She knows if things can't stay nice, I'll walk away, quietly, from the trouble.

I think it was nice of the wedding couple to ask me to do this...they like to hear me play, and we enjoy hanging out together. Its just going to be really difficult to be around the old band all day long, much less play with 'em. The few times I've seen my old band since the breakup, they have either been ice-cold, or outright nasty to me. I don't expect that they will make it easy on me.

Cherie

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by madmic

Play along with the first tree songs, then unplug.

You wil notice 3 things after you're done:

The band crying to eachother "I told you we was stupid"
The audience crying out "where on earth did the groove went to?"
The bride in tears realizing that she should have married you instead.

Dude, there's a funk tune in your words, there really is!

"Where on earth did the groove went to"...has its very own rhythm.

Hey, straight or not, I'd just about marry the bride for her extremely high level of inventiveness with mixed drinks. She's a genius behind a bar, man!

Cherie

[funkmangriff]

id do it with an unhappy bass face!

na, id do it anyways as a favour to mates, but i wouldn't do what everyone else seems to have suggested. dont hold grudges and be ass to them forever,just don't play with them again. thats what i would do!

[elpezpr]

Originally Posted by txbasschik

The few times I've seen my old band since the breakup, they have either been ice-cold, or outright nasty to me. I don't expect that they will make it easy on me.

Cherie

Nothing good will come from this...

[agreatheight]

Originally Posted by b_carville

Play a few tunes & smile but don't play the entire reception.

Just do a few tunes or half a set.

Remember,you are supposed to be a guest!

+1 on this.

[Vakmere]

follow your heart ........your call hon.

[Rick Auricchio]

In that situation, I'd respectfully decline.

1. It's a jam with people you don't like, who have been deliberately rude to you in the past. If they were at all involved in making the "please play" request, they don't deserve you to play.

2. It isn't like you're going to play well-rehearsed songs. If these players aren't really good at impromptu jams, it'll be a train wreck. They'll end up playing something they always play together---something you've never played. That just gives them a reason to claim you're not a good player. Why condone that?

3. You're invited to enjoy the celebration; you weren't hired to entertain. You can do one or the other.

4. You're going to the event dressed for a party, not dressed to lug equipment and play.


You don't like those players for good reason. So don't do it. Apologize to your hosts and tell them that you don't get along, so it won't work for you. You play music because you love music and your fellow musicians.

PS: There's a rule of thumb: "If you need to talk about it, you probably shouldn't do it."

[madmic]

Originally Posted by txbasschik

Dude, there's a funk tune in your words, there really is!

"Where on earth did the groove went to"...has its very own rhythm.

Hey, straight or not, I'd just about marry the bride for her extremely high level of inventiveness with mixed drinks. She's a genius behind a bar, man!

Cherie

Oops sorry 'bout that.