Should I Leave?
 

I'm in two bands currently. One which I have been in for almost two years that plays pretty generic radio rock. And another that I front and started a few months ago that plays art punk a "anything goes as long as we all think it sounds good" band.

I've been contemplating leaving the first band for a while for a variety of reasons mostly disrespect. I'm starting to think I might need thicker skin, but it's the accumulation of such events that's gotten to me.

Stuff that bothers me:
1. They make fun of any music I show them that is outside of their narrow niche.
Math Rock = Stupid
Dance Punk = Stupid
Noise Rock = Weird and stupid.

2. Any suggestion I make on a song being a bit more creative is ignored.
Like if I suggest a dynamic shift like no drums in one section or the vocals being whispered "lolno"

3. They don't understand that their friends don't count as fans.

4. They dismiss any suggestion I have of moving forward.

Guys lets make a bandcamp
Guys lets make a presskit
Guys lets make a twitter
Guys lets send in the EP to music review websites
Guys lets write a few more songs before we pick 10 out of 15 songs to make an album
Guys having a "hidden track" at the end of the last song in 2013 is pointless and annoying
Etc.

5. Disrespect on stage. And this is what made me seriously consider leaving.

Yet despite all this I still care about leaving leaving on good terms.
Advice?

yes

Leave the first one you will be happy but "math rock" what in the world is that?

It's a genre of music that is primarily based around rhythmic shifts. Lot of crazy time signatures and transitions between them. Here.


http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xOgq2fPEO4k

Hella

Why do you even need the TB membership to sound off on this? You've stated your case against the first band. And in the process you included ZERO positives regarding that project.

So what's stopping you?

What are these guys 12?

If they are not grown up enough (I'm not talking age here) to take you seriously it is probably time to split. If nothing else think of the time you will gain for YOUR band. Disrespect on stage is a game over thing for me. That's the sort of thing that should fall under the "reprimand in private, parise in public" thing to me. This is supposed to be fun at some point isn't it?

The fact that me and the drummer are fairly close. And I know if I quit then they're likely to let the band dissolve. I know it shouldn't be my problem, but I would just feel bad about the situation. Their terrible bandmates but their not bad people.

Sounds like a pretty closed minded group of individuals. For this reason it's a band that will never musically progress and you'd do better to concentrate your efforts on the other project.

It wasn't even a mistake thing. Singer made a crack about me liking Pixies and how terrible Tame is.

You sound unhappy with no reason to stay. So don't. Just tell them it's not working out. Tell them you'll play any gigs you've already committed to and then do so. Then thank them and leave.

So then, in essence, you are carrying a group that wouldnt exist without your participation. Is that what you want for yourself?

Your singer is stupid.

I'm a huge Pixie fan that jerk!!!!! :)

I just realised you have the same nickname as my drummer..eerie. And well, I don't know that's just my speculation, i doubt they will be able to find another bass player that isn't root notes and metalcore around the area. Ideally they would and I could leave on good terms.

Cool I just learned something now I can be cool when I ask someone if they like it?

You should definitely leave the first band. You have some great ideas and some vision which is apparent that they either don't have or don't share.

What irks me the most about your bandmates is the show of disrespect on stage. Mick and Keith have huge fights and fallouts and they've held it together for maybe too long but they are the Stones and they've earned that...I suppose. I don't think you should be victim to any disrespect whatsoever - not at this time or any time be it 2years or 20years in. To heck with these guys, they'll be fine. You do your thing and give them enough notice to find a replacement but otherwise you owe them NOTHING!

Follow your bliss and nothing but the best to you!

“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” - Albert Einstein.

Yes. But if you want to be REALLY COOL, show them a band that incorporates elements of math rock into their music.


http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=w2qm8-urk5c

Snowing.

Its not a common nickname, for sure. But its something that stuck, and differentiated me from the other 27 Matts I know.

Anyways, what I was getting at is that your band doesnt seem to be very motivated in progressing much, as all your suggestions to take your band to the next level are being turned down. Maybe they wouldnt break up, but they'd probably all be better off for it, by the picture youre painting here. Dont be the reason they stay together.

Thanks for that insight. I guess I'm leaving then. I want to leave before they decide to record the album, there a few songs I composed and sing lead on, but I don't really care enough to take them with me. Should I play the gigs they have lined up before taking my leave?

First off a little harmless jibe on-stage is not disrespect, you need to lighten up on that one. Given that and how you initially represented it, I wonder if the other parts you complain about are really as bad?

If they are, it's a no-brainer, leave them. Do it on good terms, having finished out currently booked gigs. You can even blame your newer project, saying you want to focus on it more, which is understandable since your the leader in that band. That will make departure smoother than telling them their faults as you walk out the door.

OR- if it's not quite that bad, maybe just push on them a bit harder. Just put them up on bandcamp, see what happens?

It's not that they don't want to be successful and are happy being mediocre, it's that they're expecting to fall ass backwards into fame and splendour,whereas with me I see the goal of recording an album I can say I am truly proud as the biggest success. I understand they want to make music for commercial and social success and that's fine there is no right reason to play and create music, what irks me is that they think they're great and that noone is noticing instead of trying to improve and trying to reach people with their music.