should i stay or should i go? (long!)

[dreadheadbass]

for the past year i've been playing with a band from manchester and i've stuck through them through thick n thin
when the original singer left i found a replacement
when our drummer nearly dropped dead with meningitis i gave everyone lifts to the hospital and back
when our guitarist was diagnosed with M.E i helped him in any way i could

now as i say we've been together a year and in total we only have 7 songs its not that we lack songwriting ability (between me and the guitarist we must have at least 20 riffs) its that things dont seem to get done our new singer has been with us for 6 months but still hasnt written lyrics for a few songs so me and the drummer wrote a couple (one is actually dedicated to a friend of mine who was murdered)
but it seems to be a case of if he hasnt wrote the lyrics he doesnt want to sing em and the 2 songs in question he still doesnt know the words for despite having copies of both the lyrics and the music
he's now getting very full of himself and we have to do practice his way i asked tonight if we could run through a song called "lay this hate to rest"
his answer "f*ck that lets do gods of self destruction"
to which my answer was "i'm sick of that song"
his answer "i dont give a sh*t"
and now he's taken to the "rock n roll" thing of losing his temper and launching his mic accross the room and if he breaks it its us that will have to pay for it (the studio we use provides p.a and mics) on top of that he's forever bumming money of us he didnt bring any cash with him tonight despite the fact he knew we had practice instead he spends his cash on booze and his new girlfriend

now then the dilemma
i love the band and i love the music we play its just the singer is such a tosser and its getting to the point where i dont wanna practice for just that reason
our singer despite his faults is a very good singer so the band will be unwilling to sack him and although my basslines are a little fancy and full of runs the band would work just as well with a half arsed bassist banging on the root notes so i cant give the the ultimatum of "he leaves or i do" because i'll lose despite the fact i get us gigs and do work outside the band while he sits on his backside doing nothing

what do i do?
i love this band but i feel like my crys are falling on deaf ears i work my ass off while the singer walks on water i've put a lot of time and effort in and me and the 2 guitarists have become good friends which means its hard to throw it all away any ideas?

[DaftCat]

"now he's taken to the "rock n roll" thing of losing his temper and launching his mic accross the room and if he breaks it its us that will have to pay for it"

Do you really need us to tear into this post? The above quote is enough. I think you know what you gotta do.

DCat

[lexxmexx]

Have you actually spoken to the rest of the band about this douchebag of a singer? He might be good but the rest of the boys might share the same sentiments as you.

[Tin Man]

as a non working musician, havent actually even played in years, but just took it back up bass player..

ill give you my two cents worth as a person..

iif the guy is as much of a ... ... (um ... sorry cant think of a clean word.). lets try 'pain' as you say... .. than if the others in the group would rather choose him and root notes over a bass grove that actually works you probably dont want to work with them anymore either..

give them the choice but try not to be confrontational. just tell them .. this guy isnt working out for me I cant deal with it anymore I hope you guys feel the same but I just cant do it anymore.. and see where the chips fall

[slaerts]

I'd be outta there in a flash, life's too short for that kinda junk

[TheDarkReaver]

You could fire the singer?

[dreadheadbass]

Originally Posted by DaftCat

"now he's taken to the "rock n roll" thing of losing his temper and launching his mic accross the room and if he breaks it its us that will have to pay for it"

Do you really need us to tear into this post? The above quote is enough. I think you know what you gotta do.

DCat

Originally Posted by lexxmexx

Have you actually spoken to the rest of the band about this douchebag of a singer? He might be good but the rest of the boys might share the same sentiments as you.

yeah i suppose but i like the band apart from the singer its the best band i've been in not only in terms of freedom of movment on the bass (their rule is i'm the bass player i can do what i want on the bass)
but the rest of the band are a great bunch of guys and a great laugh as well

spoke to the lead guitarist last night he says he's annoyed with the singers attitude but he's also a passive vegetarian who hates confrontation so he's not likely to say anything!
which just leaves the rhythm guitarist who doesnt want the hassle of finding a singer again

i'm stuck i dont wanna stay but i dont wanna leave either

[TheDarkReaver]

Originally Posted by dreadheadbass

yeah i suppose but i like the band apart from the singer its the best band i've been in not only in terms of freedom of movment on the bass (their rule is i'm the bass player i can do what i want on the bass)
but the rest of the band are a great bunch of guys and a great laugh as well

spoke to the lead guitarist last night he says he's annoyed with the singers attitude but he's also a passive vegetarian who hates confrontation so he's not likely to say anything!
which just leaves the rhythm guitarist who doesnt want the hassle of finding a singer again

i'm stuck i dont wanna stay but i dont wanna leave either

Find another singer yourself and then replace the current one?

[dreadheadbass]

Originally Posted by TheDarkReaver

Find another singer yourself and then replace the current one?

that might be an option the problem is it needs to be a singer who's better than the current one (for all his faults he is a very good singer)
and singers are rare round my area but there just might be a chance looks like i'll be browsing forming bands

[chrisisnotevil]

i'd reccomend having a quiet chat with the rest of the band members individually and seeing how they feel, cos if you have a good thing going there's no reason to let the pillock of a singer spoil it for everybody. if they don't wanna get rid of him though, forget them. there are plenty of opportunities for bass players in manchester and nobody needs an egomaniac in the band. except whitesnake.

oh yeah, and i just listened to your band on myspace, and they wouldn't work anything like as well with a unimaginative root note player!

[bassforce]

Fire the "singer" , he's not a singer, he's a dick. He only holds you back!

[Rickett Customs]

I've left bands for lesser evils. sounds like your singer suffers from LSD (lead singer disease), there is no cure.

[Derek_L]

Surprised the thread has got this far without a quote from a certain song by The Clash.

[Joe Nerve]

Originally Posted by dreadheadbass

he's also a passive vegetarian who hates confrontation so he's not likely to say anything!

What does being a vegetarian have to do with it?

Anyhow - I say stick with it as long as you want to be miserable. When you get tired enough of playing the same 7 songs, not playing what you want, and hating playing with this guy you'll move on to something better and hopefully not have wasted all that much time. People stay in all kinds of bad relationships because they're afraid they won't find anything better. Sounds to me like just about any band situation would be better than the one described. No reason you can't stay friends with the other guys, and 9 out of 10 bands will tell you "You're the bass player. Do your thing." At the very least I'd be auditioning for other bands while playing with this one, although that guys attitude would have me out of the band in a heartbeat.

Last note - in all honesty I sense a lack of confidence on your part. If you were confident in your abilities as a bass player I don't think you'd struggle at all with a decision. If that IS the case, and you really love playing I'd suggest woodshedding your ass off until you know you're worthy of something better. Anytime I ever took any kind of a hit (and I've taken lots) or had any kind of musical letdown, it fueled me to shack up and learn as much as possibly could. It's paid off too.

[invader3k]

Life is too short to deal with this kind of person. I've played with flakes, people with substance problems, people who were total amateurs in their skill level, but I absolutely won't tolerate someone with a "I'm better than the band" kind of prima donna ego. Just imagine what this guy will be like if your band actually gets out and does a gig...

[eotpr]

I would start looking for both a new singer and a new band. See what opportunities are out there and see what singers are out there. Being in a band with this type of id10t will suck the fun right out of it. I hope you have a day job because as it sits right now I am not sure that you will ever have enough material for a set. Heck there might be better options for both. If you don't look you will never know.

[bassmonkeee]

You have two options--quit, or get the rest of the band to fire the singer. Period. Pick one, and move on. It's pretty simple, really. "Yeah, buts" only get you so far in life.

Or, you could just pop the singer in the back of the head with a headstock the next time he acts like a prick.

Okay, so you have three options.

He might be a great singer, but you aren't exactly playing the Royal Albert Hall with this amazing talent, are you? You're playing 7 songs after a year--that's pathetic. Who cares how good a singer he is if he isn't bringing anything to the table? And, do you really think his attitude is going to get better if you start to get success? If you think he's an ******* now, just wait....

[Rickett Customs]

Originally Posted by bassmonkeee

"Yeah, buts" only get you so far in life.

+1000,
This is very true, besides.

Utilizing the "yeah.....but" reaction just signals that you're not ready to move on.

The "yeah, but" phrase in the corporate world (i've been forced to go to seminars about such psychology), loosely defines as: "I didn't hear a word you've said, I'm doing it my way.The search for opinions is in vain.

If i'm wrong or this is offensive to anyone, that's just me being blunt about it.

[vinny]

If they're attached to him..."pack yo' s**t & git."
Otherwise there's a punch in the face coming up for someone...it's up to y'all to decide whom. Either way this can't turn out favorably for all involved.

Disclaimer- I'm feeling a little intolerant this morning.

[kesslari]

Life is too short to play music with jerks.

Even talented jerks. Because there are plenty of talented people out there who are reasonable, likeable human beings.
Even singers.