Tension with band mate

joho1701 · #1 02-08-2013, 01:34 PM

A friend and I formed a band in the last couple of years. She's on bass and vocals and I'm guitar, vocals and songwriting.
In the past year we brought in a friend who plays guitar and also writes songs. Mostly he plays leads on my songs, but I have encouraged the idea that we should work on his original material as well.
All of the gear in the studio is mine. I also pay the rent on the studio.
My friend the bassist is new to music, in fact I taught her how to play.
The rent is supposed to be split 3 ways. At first our newest member would bring his own guitar and pay his third of the rent.
We even recorded a DIY EP. After a few months this guy stopped bringing his guitar and began using my second guitar, an axe that I had to trade a few pieces of gear for as well as use cash and credit. I sweated to get that guitar. Also I have a high cc debt for all the investments I have made to create my band. Over the past few months this new band member has not been paying his share of the rent.
Despite my repeated attempts to ask for his share he still does not pay and does not bring his own guitar. We also have been giving him a lot of creative space by practicing his songs. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy playing on other people's songs, but I have now become so resentful of his refusal to contribute financially and to be responsible for his own gear. I have been thinking for some time about cutting him loose from the band. The biggest problem is that my original partner the bass player enjoys playing with him. I don't have anything personal against the guy but his actions have made me resentful and hostile about having him around. My partner wants me to have a talk with him but it is my belief he knows full well what's going on. I know that despite his contributions he is bringing my band energy and my enthusiasm down.
A fan even mentioned she felt his energy was pulling away from original focus of the band. Now even though my partner understands this situation she is new to music and bands and is just enamoured with playing someone else along with me. If I keep him in I get hurt, if I let him go she gets hurt. Thoughts and advice would be most welcomed.
Thanks

joho1701 · #2 02-08-2013, 01:35 PM

A friend and I formed a band in the last couple of years. She's on bass and vocals and I'm guitar, vocals and songwriting.
In the past year we brought in a friend who plays guitar and also writes songs. Mostly he plays leads on my songs, but I have encouraged the idea that we should work on his original material as well.
All of the gear in the studio is mine. I also pay the rent on the studio.
My friend the bassist is new to music, in fact I taught her how to play.
The rent is supposed to be split 3 ways. At first our newest member would bring his own guitar and pay his third of the rent.
We even recorded a DIY EP. After a few months this guy stopped bringing his guitar and began using my second guitar, an axe that I had to trade a few pieces of gear for as well as use cash and credit. I sweated to get that guitar. Also I have a high cc debt for all the investments I have made to create my band. Over the past few months this new band member has not been paying his share of the rent.
Despite my repeated attempts to ask for his share he still does not pay and does not bring his own guitar. We also have been giving him a lot of creative space by practicing his songs. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy playing on other people's songs, but I have now become so resentful of his refusal to contribute financially and to be responsible for his own gear. I have been thinking for some time about cutting him loose from the band. The biggest problem is that my original partner the bass player enjoys playing with him. I don't have anything personal against the guy but his actions have made me resentful and hostile about having him around. My partner wants me to have a talk with him but it is my belief he knows full well what's going on. I know that despite his contributions he is bringing my band energy and my enthusiasm down.
A fan even mentioned she felt his energy was pulling away from original focus of the band. Now even though my partner understands this situation she is new to music and bands and is just enamoured with playing someone else along with me. If I keep him in I get hurt, if I let him go she gets hurt. Thoughts and advice would be most welcomed.
Thanks

ibateur · #3 02-08-2013, 01:43 PM

All three of you need to have a chat. This is foot in the sand stuff. Sounds like the guy has financial problems. He needs to level with you both. You need to make the tough decision if it comes to that.

Chances are he's sold his gear to pay for whatever problem he has... Watch your stuff.

Hobobob · #4 02-08-2013, 01:44 PM

Bandmate doesn't pull their weight, bandmate has to find a new gig. If the dude has shown a pattern of taking advantage of you and not giving a crap about it, then get rid of him. Make sure you get his studio key then and there too, I've heard a lot of horror stories about recently fired members just helping themselves to band gear...

Rokoko · #5 02-08-2013, 01:46 PM

not a nice thought but i agree with ibateur, there have been a few "my band borrowed my gear at it mysteriously got "lost" somehow" threads...
Not to jump to conclusions but if said bandmate is somehow having substance abuse problems, you probably will need to address it as regular politeness almost never works. I have sadly participated in kicking several very good people an that account.

JakeF · #6 02-08-2013, 01:47 PM

Tell him what you just said. Make sure he understands that he is being a d*ck and taking advantage of you. Ask him "why is he taking advantage of you?" If he plays dumb, like most people will, just tell him he is uncool, selfish and bad for the scene.

If the girl you are playing with wants you to collect the rent than man up and do it. If she complains just tell her it had to be done. If she leaves over something that petty she isn't band material anyways.

JakeF · #7 02-08-2013, 01:49 PM

My thoughts from other thread.

Tell him what you just said. Make sure he understands that he is being a d*ck and taking advantage of you. Ask him "why is he taking advantage of you?" If he plays dumb, like most people will, just tell him he is uncool, selfish and bad for the scene.

If the girl you are playing with wants you to collect the rent than man up and do it. If she complains just tell her it had to be done. If she leaves over something that petty she isn't band material anyways.

Unrepresented · #8 02-08-2013, 01:50 PM

"I can't financially support the full costs of this band independently including rehearsal studio expenses."

rusanderson · #9 02-08-2013, 01:52 PM

I would assume you're doing this for enjoyment and the love of playing. Sounds like you aren't enjoying it right now.

Talk to the guy first, don't assume he will behave any specific way. Make sure he has the chance to make it right or you could be perceived as the difficult one.

If you don't think the guy will pony up and be a team player tell your friend you have two options, boot him or quit. Ask her which she would rather happen. Her answer may hurt (if she tells you to quit), but you can then move on to something you'll enjoy.

**mjac28** · #10 02-08-2013, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JakeF

Tell him what you just said. Make sure he understands that he is being a d*ck and taking advantage of you. Ask him "why is he taking advantage of you?" If he plays dumb, like most people will, just tell him he is uncool, selfish and bad for the scene.

If the girl you are playing with wants you to collect the rent than man up and do it. If she complains just tell her it had to be done. If she leaves over something that petty she isn't band material anyways.

+1 You folks sound young and I'm telling you the older you get the less real friends you have the new member could care less about your feelings and will "prey" on your good nature until you stop him. I would tell your female friend if she wants him to stay start paying his share of the rent or else he is out the door and if she doesn't like that show her the door also and they can go start a new band and live together in her basement.

pacojas · #11 02-08-2013, 01:55 PM

the answers you seek are within....

free your mind and your a$$ will follow...

the universe gives us this intelligence...

in other words, the solution is obvious!

Tx Basser · #12 02-08-2013, 01:57 PM

It is called the Music "Business" for a reason. The guy has been told that he owes for his share of rent. And he has not made good on what he owes. And he won't bring his own gear. Those are red flags that he will not be a professional or dependable member. Talented or not, time to cut him loose IMO.

I have played with a lot of pickers over the course of the last 40 years and almost every one of them like to use their own gear, unless they have a financial or substance abuse problem which causes them to use other band members gear. I've been in your same situation before and we let the guy go. We also changed the locks on the studio rental to make sure he had not made a duplicate key and could come and lift gear that didn't belong to him to support his "bad habits".

Good luck with this situation but watch your stuff.

joho1701 · #13 02-08-2013, 01:58 PM

Thank you for so much support so fast. Yes I guess in my heart I know what has to be done. Also, yes this is for the love of music, but we have accomplished a lot in a short time. Raised a substantial Kickstarter budget for a first studio album, created a DYI EP which got some nice reviews and have someone who would like to manage us (although that person is not yet at the place to be the one to directly deal with this situation at this time). All of the above was done with my blood sweat and tears, not my bandmates. Having my positive attitude undercut like this is knocking the wind out of me.

joho1701 · #14 02-08-2013, 02:16 PM

Thank you for so much support so fast. Yes I guess in my heart I know what has to be done. Also, yes this is for the love of music, but we have accomplished a lot in a short time. Raised a substantial Kickstarter budget for a first studio album, created a DYI EP which got some nice reviews and have someone who would like to manage us (although that person is not yet at the place to be the one to directly deal with this situation at this time). All of the above was done with my blood sweat and tears, not my bandmates. Having my positive attitude undercut like this is knocking the wind out of me.

MatticusMania · #15 02-08-2013, 02:47 PM

Throw rocks at the guitar player. Your bass player might be sleeping with your guitar player. Throw rocks at her too.

Peace Cee · #16 02-08-2013, 02:52 PM

As you may already realize, you have the drive and the intangibles that make for a successful and fruitful journey in music. Unfortunately, the path is riddled with those less motivated, talkers, freeloaders, and flakes. It is actually part of the deal. It can help to solidify your resolve and help you to chip away at wisdom with pickaxe knowledge and experience. Remember, the music is the best part. Band situations come and go, and all of the experiences help you to grow. If you keep at it, you will find those who are like-minded. I'm not necessarily saying that you should blow off your present situation; pay attention. Be there. But don't attach yourself to "difficult" situations due to loyality on your part that is not being reciprocated.

gidbass · #17 02-08-2013, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mjac28

+1 You folks sound young and I'm telling you the older you get the less real friends you have the new member could care less about your feelings and will "prey" on your good nature until you stop him. I would tell your female friend if she wants him to stay start paying his share of the rent or else he is out the door and if she doesn't like that show her the door also and they can go start a new band and live together in her basement.

Gotta agree...

Good Luck!

MatticusMania · #18 02-08-2013, 03:00 PM

Sell all your gear to the studio.

longfinger · #19 02-08-2013, 03:22 PM

Hi joho1701,

please ask a Mod to merge your two threads into one.

Thanks,

joho1701 · #20 02-08-2013, 03:23 PM

How can I do that?