Trying to get a shy guitarist into the band

[Invisible_Kid]

Alright, so, I'm in this band, right? And I play bass + vocals, we have a keyboard + vocalist, a lead guitarist + vocalist, and a drummer. So we need a rhythm guitar, right? And we're just a 13-15 year old member band. So there's this girl at my school's guitar club, right? And she's phenomenal, but the problem is, she's too shy to plug in. Says she has stage fright. I ask her to be in my band, and that's the only reason she can't be in there. But you know, we're friends, not real close, but still friends.

So, TalkBass, I ask you, how would you convince her to be in my band?

And I know that it might be to the point where she just can't bring herself to do it, but advice would be appreciated.

inb4 insults about my age
inb4 insults about my attempted coerciveness

[T.A.P Bass]

All I can suggest is that you leave the door open... It's her life and even though she may be shy, it's still her call.

You could ask her to just come over to just jam with you since the two of you are friends. See if she responds, maybe she will make the jump to play with the rest of the group. Introverted people take time and being struck with stage fright can only make that worse.

[AltGrendel]

IMO, stage fright comes from two things. Fear of failure and lack of familiarity with being up on stage.

If the other guys can be mature about it, just ask her over to jam. Maybe she'll find it's not that bad.

[Invisible_Kid]

Originally Posted by AltGrendel

Fear of failure

I'm almost sure that's it, because she won't even play in front of me. I did get her to play one of my chord progressions once, though.

Originally Posted by T.A.P Bass

You could ask her to just come over to just jam

This seems to be a problem in my band, because of constraints from school. We can't really get together to jam very often at all, so we usually exchange riffs / song ideas through e-mail. Any solutions to this?

[MisterFabulous]

Ask her to band practice. Forget about her performing in front of people for the time being.

If this does not work, is there some combination of band members (maybe just you, or you + drummer) she's willing to play in front of?

Maybe she's just too shy and won't play in front of any group of people, your band included.

[lowfreq33]

At your age you're kind of still in the building/learning stage of things. Maybe she'll come around, maybe she won't. There will be lots more bands in your future. Ultimately you can encourage her, but she has to make the leap herself.

[Invisible_Kid]

Originally Posted by MisterFabulous

Ask her to band practice. Forget about her performing in front of people for the time being.

If this does not work, is there some combination of band members (maybe just you, or you + drummer) she's willing to play in front of?

Maybe she's just too shy and won't play in front of any group of people, your band included.

I have a theory.



Playing in front of just one person with nobody around is awkward.
With two and three people, there's more pressure to play.
With more, you just get nervous.

So I'm thinking about inviting her to band practice with me and the keyboardist.

[CnB77]

How are you sure that she's phenomenal if she won't play in front of you?

[Invisible_Kid]

Originally Posted by CnB77

How are you sure that she's phenomenal if she won't play in front of you?

Originally Posted by Invisible_Kid

I did get her to play one of my chord progressions once, though.

Also, when it gets quiet at Guitar Club, you can hear her unplugged.

[Jim Campbell]

Originally Posted by Invisible_Kid

Alright, so, I'm in this band, right? And I play bass + vocals, we have a keyboard + vocalist, a lead guitarist + vocalist, and a drummer. So we need a rhythm guitar, right? And we're just a 13-15 year old member band. So there's this girl at my school's guitar club, right? And she's phenomenal, but the problem is, she's too shy to plug in. Says she has stage fright. I ask her to be in my band, and that's the only reason she can't be in there. But you know, we're friends, not real close, but still friends.

So, TalkBass, I ask you, how would you convince her to be in my band?

And I know that it might be to the point where she just can't bring herself to do it, but advice would be appreciated.

inb4 insults about my age
inb4 insults about my attempted coerciveness

it's a really difficult problem for some,and you never really know what went on in someone's life to cause shyness....i've heard bozos in audiences yell really nasty stuff like the ever popular "you suck" to world class players,and if she ever gets on stage she's gonna hear stuff like that no matter how good she gets....ask her to help your band work on some stuff,give her lots of encouragement and see how it goes.....if she starts to gain some confidence cool,if not,you may have to just let her find her own way

[CnB77]

Originally Posted by Invisible_Kid

Also, when it gets quiet at Guitar Club, you can hear her unplugged.

Fair. I'm gonna go with leaving the door open for her and encouraging her. Too much pressure is bad, so just make sure she knows she's welcome if she wants.