Turning Down the Gig Offer?

LiquidMidnight · #1 08-23-2010, 04:15 PM

Hey all,

After putting down the bass for about six months after gigging steady in the same band for about seven years, I'm looking for a new project. I have the ads up. My musician friends and contacts know I'm looking, so they're passing the word.

I have a pretty good idea of what I'm looking for, so I screen out a lot of offers from the onset before I learn material, burn gas, and spend a couple of hours to audition for something I wouldn't want to do anyway. When something seems promising, I go and check it out.

After playing with some musicians, however, it can be apparent that it is in fact not what I'm looking for. It's one thing if the general vibe amongst everyone is that things don't click. The difficult part - at least for me - comes with the other people digging what was going on, but I knowing that it's not something I want to pursue. I find that aspect of the process very awakward - it's almost like rejecting someone on the romantic front.

How do you all handle turning down a project after you've jammed and realized it's not for you? I'm used to playing with some pretty good players; I'm to the point that if I don't like the guitar player's tone or if I'm not 100% on the drummer's pocket or if the singer is technically proficient, but doesn't have that extra quality that separates pro vocalists from really good kareoke singers, I'm just not interested. The thing is that I'm not going to be a jerk and tell the band what I feel are its deficiencies. I don't want to burn bridges with individual members who I dug and may want to work with in the future. Plus, it's just a douchey thing to do.

I know I could just say something abstract like, "I just don't feel the chemistry." A lot of people want further clarification, though. Also, I could say, "It was fun jamming, but there are some other projects I'd like to check out before I make a final committment to anything." That's usually true, but I like to repost my ads online once the original posts get old. Saying I'm still considering other projects and then reposting ads just seems jerky if they see I'm doing that. Emailing or calling after an audition and saying that it isn't my thing seems wussy and unprofessional.

I've had enough communications and conflict resolutions stuff in college and grad school that this should be easy for me.

Thoughts?

newwavefrank · #2 08-23-2010, 04:40 PM

i dissagree about it being unproffessional to call after. I never give an answer on the spot at an audition. I never hire an employee on the spot. I think about it, review all options, then let them know. that is not unproffessional

LiquidMidnight · #3 08-23-2010, 05:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by newwavefrank

i dissagree about it being unproffessional to call after. I never give an answer on the spot at an audition. I never hire an employee on the spot. I think about it, review all options, then let them know. that is not unproffessional

I guess what I was getting at is that, unless I definitely have some other projects I want to check out before making a committment, not saying anything after the audition and then calling or emailing a day later saying I really wasn't into it seems like the easy way of telling someone thanks but no thanks.

Rudreax · #4 08-23-2010, 07:14 PM

Just be up front and say it. Although a lot of people don't admit, it's usually better if you state things as clearly and as soon as possible. And of course don't lie.

Jim Campbell · #5 08-23-2010, 09:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiquidMidnight

Hey all,

After putting down the bass for about six months after gigging steady in the same band for about seven years, I'm looking for a new project. I have the ads up. My musician friends and contacts know I'm looking, so they're passing the word.

I have a pretty good idea of what I'm looking for, so I screen out a lot of offers from the onset before I learn material, burn gas, and spend a couple of hours to audition for something I wouldn't want to do anyway. When something seems promising, I go and check it out.

After playing with some musicians, however, it can be apparent that it is in fact not what I'm looking for. It's one thing if the general vibe amongst everyone is that things don't click. The difficult part - at least for me - comes with the other people digging what was going on, but I knowing that it's not something I want to pursue. I find that aspect of the process very awakward - it's almost like rejecting someone on the romantic front.

How do you all handle turning down a project after you've jammed and realized it's not for you? I'm used to playing with some pretty good players; I'm to the point that if I don't like the guitar player's tone or if I'm not 100% on the drummer's pocket or if the singer is technically proficient, but doesn't have that extra quality that separates pro vocalists from really good kareoke singers, I'm just not interested. The thing is that I'm not going to be a jerk and tell the band what I feel are its deficiencies. I don't want to burn bridges with individual members who I dug and may want to work with in the future. Plus, it's just a douchey thing to do.

I know I could just say something abstract like, "I just don't feel the chemistry." A lot of people want further clarification, though. Also, I could say, "It was fun jamming, but there are some other projects I'd like to check out before I make a final committment to anything." That's usually true, but I like to repost my ads online once the original posts get old. Saying I'm still considering other projects and then reposting ads just seems jerky if they see I'm doing that. Emailing or calling after an audition and saying that it isn't my thing seems wussy and unprofessional.

I've had enough communications and conflict resolutions stuff in college and grad school that this should be easy for me.

Thoughts?

it's easy.....just use something like..."i like what you guys are doing,but i am looking for something in particular.....it's kinda hard to describe,but i'll know it when i hear it"....it's honest,ambiguous,and doesn't make anyone feel bad.....

picklebarrel · #6 08-23-2010, 09:46 PM

Just be honest. I've been turned down by bands before and I've turned down bands before. I've come up with white lies in the past but in the end I don't think people really care. The main point is that people want to know these things as soon as possible so that they can start searching for a new member!

Thunderthumbs73 · #7 08-23-2010, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LiquidMidnight

How do you all handle turning down a project after you've jammed and realized it's not for you? I'm used to playing with some pretty good players; I'm to the point that if I don't like the guitar player's tone or if I'm not 100% on the drummer's pocket or if the singer is technically proficient, but doesn't have that extra quality that separates pro vocalists from really good kareoke singers, I'm just not interested. The thing is that I'm not going to be a jerk and tell the band what I feel are its deficiencies. I don't want to burn bridges with individual members who I dug and may want to work with in the future. Plus, it's just a douchey thing to do.

I know I could just say something abstract like, "I just don't feel the chemistry." A lot of people want further clarification, though. Emailing or calling after an audition and saying that it isn't my thing seems wussy and unprofessional.

I've had enough communications and conflict resolutions stuff in college and grad school that this should be easy for me.

Thoughts?

It seems you want a really, truly pro band in every sense of the word. And that's ok to want that. I'd think about finding ways (or better ways) to determine pro status/capability if you can before any jamming or music occurs, so you don't have to back out of something in a strange way to decline. This can occur by your writing an ad where it is unequivocably clear EXACTLY who you are looking for, and be when you are looking, only answering ads, viewing band sites or inquiring about bands that REALLY have their s__ together. Or you can even start your own band, and focus our energies and preferences to make the best band that fits your idea of what a band should be. Just a few suggestions that come to mind.

If I was a band (or even a person auditioning), I'd want it to be very clear why they declined my band, or why they declined me joining theirs. I think that's fair. If you keep this in the forefront of your mind, and also that you don't want to speak in "abstractions" so as to not piss off the people in a group, then it seems maybe the best way to avoid that conundrum is to be more selective about which bands you respond to, period.

As to what is "wussy and unprofessional", not communicating (at all or...) to the best of your ability as a rational adult is wussy and unprofessional. If that is best done through email, or through a call, or in in-person meet/discussion, then MAN UP, and do that. You owe it to those people, and to yourself... ...and that doesn't mean that you can't be tactful and diplomatic while you're at it...

...IMO...

thudfromafar · #8 08-23-2010, 09:49 PM

Yeah you don't have to gush your heart out. Just tell them they're good, but it's not exactly what you're looking for.

Nagrom · #9 08-23-2010, 09:59 PM

"I don't think I'm the guy you're looking for"

FletcherML · #10 08-23-2010, 10:06 PM

"Guys, good jams. You're good dudes, I just don't see this being the project for me right now. I want to stay in touch. Maybe something will work out later."

I'd say something like that. Pretty straight forward, but not really dickish

Axtman · #11 08-23-2010, 11:32 PM

Whatever you do, don't leave them hanging.....or lead them on.

Good for you for knowing what you want and not playing with anyone.

Munjibunga · #12 08-23-2010, 11:33 PM

"I want to be in a band that sucks less."

MysticMichael · #13 08-24-2010, 08:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jim Campbell

it's easy.....just use something like..."i like what you guys are doing,but i am looking for something in particular.....it's kinda hard to describe,but i'll know it when i hear it"....it's honest,ambiguous,and doesn't make anyone feel bad.....

+1

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thunderthumbs73

As to what is "wussy and unprofessional", not communicating (at all or...) to the best of your ability as a rational adult is wussy and unprofessional. If that is best done through email, or through a call, or in in-person meet/discussion, then MAN UP, and do that. You owe it to those people, and to yourself... ...and that doesn't mean that you can't be tactful and diplomatic while you're at it...

+2

The key thing to keep in mind when you turn down an offer, is that it's not personal - so it's really not comparable to a romantic relationship.

You don't have to get into any long-winded, complex explanations about how "you're just not The One" or "it's not you - it's me". Just tell them straight out that you appreciate their interest in you, but you don't feel it's a good fit for you. Avoid getting into any criticism of their musicianship, keep it positive, then quickly and politely duck out of the situation.

Done.

MM

Tampabass · #14 08-24-2010, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Munjibunga

"I want to be in a band that sucks less."

+1 billion ha!

Tampabass · #15 08-24-2010, 08:49 AM

This question is probably related (apologies if this is a thread derail; feel free to ignore): When starting up a band, if you don't "feel the magic" with a certain group of players the first time you play together, do you tend to try it again? Curious about the consensus on this.

As in the situation of: The guys are basically good players with some similar musical interests and ideas about putting together a band but the connection/feeling just isn't that special the first time ... and there's a possibility that it might just have been an off night.

LiquidMidnight · #16 08-24-2010, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thunderthumbs73

It seems you want a really, truly pro band in every sense of the word. And that's ok to want that. I'd think about finding ways (or better ways) to determine pro status/capability if you can before any jamming or music occurs, so you don't have to back out of something in a strange way to decline. This can occur by your writing an ad where it is unequivocably clear EXACTLY who you are looking for, and be when you are looking, only answering ads, viewing band sites or inquiring about bands that REALLY have their s__ together.

I definitely agree. And I do quite a bit of pre-screening. You are right: I'm looking for something that's pretty professional. I'm not looking to go on the road and "try to make it." I am looking for a band that's interested in being one of the top regional acts around. With that said, an industry person once told me that sometimes it's best to not get too specific with an advertisement, because you may screen out some potentially good stuff. It's better to get the response then decide whether it's worth pursuing. If this were corporate recruiting with a huge labor supply and low demand, more stringent screening before the selection stage would be highly beneficial. However, I'm not in an area bustling with killer musicians, so I don't want to inadverently scare away something good.

Quote:

Or you can even start your own band, and focus our energies and preferences to make the best band that fits your idea of what a band should be.

It's definitely something I've been considering. However, in my experience, the people who put out an ad stating, "Looking for guitarist, keyboardist, bassist, singer, drummer, and kazoo player to start band" don't get real far. It's easier when you have one or two other people already on board and are just looking to finish the puzzle. Unfortunately, my "soul mate" guitarist is currently in a project.

Thanks for the replies, everyone.