Typical Yoko sort of story....

TimmyDX · #1 12-01-2008, 02:11 AM

Our band just went through our second vocalist and its getting harder every single time it happens

Our first singer was a great friend who just didn't have confidence in his voice, he was a fantastic singer but he could only do the odd cover, so we stayed friends and ended whilst tensions were low

Our new singer was another friend who was just downright awesome, we wrote well with him, he managed to give our guitarist a sense of rhythm, he did lyrics and contributed to the music, wasn't cocky and could go from beutiful clean vocals to a primal pantera esque scream......

But he cant play with us anymore, due to his added workload he apparently can't spend a lot of time with his fiance' who didn't really like the fact that he was in a band anyway. The yoko comments probably a little harsh, because he loves her to bits and we just couldn't tell him to choose the band, that would be way overboard.....

Just had to tell someone...

This blows

Moe Monsarrat · #2 12-01-2008, 07:55 AM

Yoko.....too bad the guy missed her!

Toshiro · #3 12-01-2008, 08:12 AM

We had Mrs. Drummer in a previous band. We'd rehearse for two hours or so every Wednesday and almost precisely at 9pm, the drummer would get a call from Yoko wondering
when he'd be home. She also told our singer, who was booking the gigs, that we couldn't play too far from his home.

Band eventually exploded, which is too bad, because our singer was really talented. Well, technically, she still IS talented, just not in any of the bands I've played in recently.

txbasschik · #4 12-04-2008, 11:11 AM

Sigh.

Why do people do that? Get involved with a musician, and then get upset when he or she goes out to play music? If she is going to marry a musician, she needs to know that she's got to have her own activities to enjoy when they can't be together, and she's got to know that they just won't always be able to be together.

If he were a firefighter or a police officer or a paramedic, would she stop him working in those fields, too? Those guys are *never* home!!! I see my husband far more often now, working as a musician, than I did when he was a firefighter.

When my husband plays down on the coast, I would love to go with him, but I can't always, because I have responsibilities at home. When I played the ROT Rally the past two years, and he had to work, he was unhappy, but only because he wished he could be there, too. That's just the way it is. You enjoy your time together, and you trust one another when you are apart, or it just ain't gonna work.

I couldn't be with someone who had a problem with me playing. Maybe its just easy for me to say...I'm an auld married lady, been with the same guy for 17 years. She's just a young lady who is engaged. But, still...she needs to know what she's in for. If he's a true musician at heart, she won't be able to keep him from his music forever and have him be a happy person. My ex-husband tried to keep me from singing or playing at all. "Ex" is the key word here.

Cherie

MatticusMania · #5 12-04-2008, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by txbasschik

Sigh.

Why do people do that? Get involved with a musician, and then get upset when he or she goes out to play music? If she is going to marry a musician, she needs to know that she's got to have her own activities to enjoy when they can't be together, and she's got to know that they just won't always be able to be together.

If he were a firefighter or a police officer or a paramedic, would she stop him working in those fields, too? Those guys are *never* home!!! I see my husband far more often now, working as a musician, than I did when he was a firefighter.

When my husband plays down on the coast, I would love to go with him, but I can't always, because I have responsibilities at home. When I played the ROT Rally the past two years, and he had to work, he was unhappy, but only because he wished he could be there, too. That's just the way it is. You enjoy your time together, and you trust one another when you are apart, or it just ain't gonna work.

I couldn't be with someone who had a problem with me playing. Maybe its just easy for me to say...I'm an auld married lady, been with the same guy for 17 years. She's just a young lady who is engaged. But, still...she needs to know what she's in for. If he's a true musician at heart, she won't be able to keep him from his music forever and have him be a happy person. My ex-husband tried to keep me from singing or playing at all. "Ex" is the key word here.

Cherie

Yeah, my ex wife didnt like the fact that I wanted to play more. I was in a band rehearsing once a week, playing once or twice a month and I needed more. She couldnt respect that, I hardly ever even got practice time to myself at home. Ex is a good key word.

JimmyM · #6 12-04-2008, 11:54 AM

I told my wife early on that this is what I do and there's no changing it. Took her about a year to adjust but adjust she has. Just gotta be a man

Marksb_2000 · #7 12-06-2008, 02:18 PM

I guess I am lucky.

I have a very supportive wife.

She even bought me a Fender american Standard 5 string Precision for my birthday

Ivs · #8 12-06-2008, 02:49 PM

My imaginary girlfriend goes with me to practice, but she doesn't get between me and my music

Rickett Customs · #9 12-06-2008, 03:02 PM

I feel fortunate in this aspect,
My wife already knew I had playing the bass in my heart, from the beginning.
She's very supportive, even now, she's 5 months pregnant and only asked that I don't play any gigs for a few weeks when our son is born, I can definitely do that for her that at the least, she been a real good sport about me gigging, but she also knows i'm gonna start building a short scale bass for him. As soon as he's able to hold one, god willing, I'll try my best to make a good bassist out of him, although my wife insists he'll be a drummer

...Although she won't buy me a bass, she tells me I have enough, so I'll build the rest of mine.

Smallmouth_Bass · #10 12-06-2008, 03:08 PM

My wife is also very supportive of my music. She knows I love it and it makes me happy and therefore she's happy to leave me to it.

Risen · #11 08-01-2009, 07:32 AM

My wife.. Nah just kidding. Im just 14. I'm not really old enough to relate to anything in this thread, but yeah relationships can be pretty problematic. This may be one of the reasons I'm not getting a girlfriend yet :P

Moe Monsarrat · #12 08-01-2009, 11:18 AM

My ex wife wanted me to sell insurance or anything besides play. That was after she married me while I was perpetually on the road. Didn't she understand who I was? Apparently not. Now my girlfriend owns a nightclub & I play there quite a bit(as you might imagine). Yoko sucks!

shadowtippy · #13 08-01-2009, 02:09 PM

My ex hated to see me enjoying myself (I guess that's why she closed her eyes when we made love) and was totally unsupportive of my playing. My Guitard's ex treated him the same way. We were both away from playing for years because of them. His current wife and my gf both love to here us play. It's amazing what support can do.

Bluesy Soul · #14 08-02-2009, 08:26 PM

Every couple has to find their own keys to relationship longevity. You can't help but wonder, however, why limiting the happiness of a significant other sometimes seems to be a necessary part of it.

Mrs. Bluesy and I have been married for 38 years. We met in college and she spent most weekends watching and listening to me play in some ballroom, club, frat house, barn party, wedding reception, etc. About five years ago, when the last little soul learned to drive, I told Mrs. Bluesy I planned to return to playing regularly in bands on weekends again. While our children were growing, I practiced a lot on my own (gotta keep those chops up), played at blues jams amd open mics, did occasional fill-in work, etc. She smiled and said, in effect: "That's great, honey. I know how you've always loved it and have missed gigging over the past several years. You have my blessing and ongoing support. But there's only one thing: Do NOT expect me to sit through through every gig and half of your practices again. I've been there. I've done that. I own several of the t-shirts and don't need any more."

Since then I've had a ball practicing and playing regularly again. It has seriously eroded whatever golfing and flyfishing skills I used to have, but the fun is well worth it. The guys in my blues band have replaced the guys in my foursome. Some weekend nights when we don't gig, one or two other guys in the band and I will go out on our own and check out new bands and new venues to play. Mrs. Bluesy blesses this as well. On her own when I'm gigging or out, she often has dinner with my in-laws, has girlfriends over for a glass of wine and a DVD, goes shopping with our daughter or her sister, or just takes a long, leisurely bath before relaxing and reading in bed. Once in a while, she even comes to the gig to watch and hear the band. We still spend part of every day together and we strongly believe that our satisfaction from our separate time enhances our time together. After all, the vows say "...for better or for worse" not "...for everything, including lunch !"

I realize that I am a blessed man and I truly feel sorry for those whose wives, girlfriends, husbands and boyfriends feel differently.

Bluesy Soul

TBrett · #15 08-03-2009, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bluesy Soul

Every couple has to find their own keys to relationship longevity. You can't help but wonder, however, why limiting the happiness of a significant other sometimes seems to be a necessary part of it.

+1 - great story, Bluesy Soul. I generally go to most of my bassist bf's gigs as I love to dance, but his young daughter lives with us during the week. Occasionally, he'll have a gig on a weeknight and we won't always have a sitter lined up or be able to afford one. This means I sometimes have to stay home (we're both musicians so there is never a question of him not doing the gig). This was a bit tough for me to accept at first because I'm the one who chose not to have kids earlier in life so that I'd be free pursue my artistic career. But when I realized how guilty my bf was feeling on those occasions, I felt terrible and took pains to try and reassure him that although it's disappointing when I can't go with him, I'm happy to stay home with my step-daughter every now and then so that he can have his creative and artistic expression. You just gotta do stuff like this for your spouse sometimes, and I know he'd do the same for me if the situation were reversed.

As another poster stated in this thread, I also find it amazing when someone gets involved with a musician and then expects that person to give up their music. I wish more folks would take responsibility for their own emotional needs and not try and hold someone else accountable.

Ubersheist · #16 08-03-2009, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ivs

My imaginary girlfriend goes with me to practice, but she doesn't get between me and my music

Ug... DON'T bring your girlfriend to practice, when you get a real one. No good can come of it, usually.

The best case scenario is that they love to hang out with someone not in the band (i.e. the non-musician spouse of someone else in the band). The next best situation is that they're supportive, but they'll probably just be bored senseless at a practice. More then likely, it'll be more detrimental then either of the two previously suggested situations.

If you know what's good for you, you'll keep the significant other away from practices!

Shaun_Bass0 · #17 08-04-2009, 07:08 AM

Just make sure is doesn't get to the stage where your drummer brings his gf on stage at a festival and has her sit onstage on an amp for the whole set looking miserable as hell!

(Honestly, this actually happened to me once!)