Very depressed

pmaraziti · #1 09-07-2008, 10:10 AM

Yes, I am.

On Saturday night my new band (drummer, bass, guitar, singer) was supposed to debut.

It was a stressful last week to get the setlist tight, 4 to 5 hours a sleep per night having to also work long hours for my day job. We were ready and excited, only the wether forecast was getting in the way but they got it wrong and Saturday the sun started to shine early in the day. We even got a professional sound company (that was doing some disco after us) to give us for free lights, smoke machine and a great PA, before that, we were concerned our sound system wasn't powerful enough for this large open air venue...

So why am I depressed? We get a text message mid mornign from the guitarist, he's sick like hell.... we met him and the rest of the band for a last rehearsal the night beofre the gig, went drinking some light stuff together and then he and the drummer went to a concert (separetely to each other). My guitarist drinks but never in excess (maybe some light hangover the morning after), but this time he made a mistake. We were able to speak longer with him (over email) only today, he's still sick. He apologies and says he understands if we'd fire him. What he told us though is that some guy he didn't know at the concert (friends' friends) offered him and the other 2 people he was with a "special" drink... he thinks now there was some LSD in and he and the 2 friends of his went through allucinations, sickness etc... he smokes sometime but doesn't do drugs....

I don't know what to do... I wanted him fired until I heard the story. Should I believe it? And has this to be considered an accident? He was very clear he didn't want to affect us negatively and honestly he was very excited about the debut as we all were...

I still need to make my mind whether I want him in the band, he's a great player and we have very aligned musical tastes... but he hurt me big time, I'm very depressed today, I didn't touch the bass all day yesterday and today and I don't want to speak about the band, the future or whatsoever. We have a gig fixed now only for November, we were aout to work hard to get some more before then, but now I'm not sure it's worth. You know, I do this for fun, and this guy killed all the enthusiasm in a second.

Well, sorry for the rant, but this thread is the only form of communication on the topic I allowed myself to today.

Keep on rocking guys

Paolo

ryco · #2 09-07-2008, 10:37 AM

Crap like that happens. I lined up a show with a new band here in town a few years ago. It's was for the Seafood Music & Arts Fair and I was really excited about showing off my new project. Went to the small town newspapers and gave them press notices and circulated posters. day of the show I get the call the guitar player is sick. I know he has a drinking problem, but I never thought he'd let me down. we were all excited about the gig,

I should have pulled out of the project right then and there, but I didn't. Even went through a couple more incidents like this. I'm always the last to leave a band. Sometimes i'm not very practical.

If your guitarist was unknowingly dosed, then I would say forgive him and move on. Sounds like you guys have spent a lot of effort getting things together. There will be other gigs and maybe it'll will serve as a lesson.

If he has a problem, then lose him. Don't waste time and energy on someone who's not gonna change. Take it from me - I've seen this movie a few times with problem people, the ending never changes. Save yourself a bunch of grief!

Good luck to you and your band! Hope all works out for the best!

ps > unknowingly dosing someone is about as low as you can go! It's not funny and it's not cool. It's dangerous and cruel. Look what happened to Billy Cox. I don't think he ever fully recovered someone slippin' him some acid.

xlows · #3 09-07-2008, 10:49 AM

If it was really an accident on his part, try to forgive him and move on. If not, your depression is warranted (doubly because it would mean he also lied to you) and you'll have to figure out the best route.

::::BASSIST:::: · #4 09-07-2008, 10:50 AM

I'd give him *one* more chance. If he screws up again fire him, but everybody deserves a second chance. Especially, if there is some question as to fault. BUT if anything remotely similar to that comes up again, you have to let him go.

Fetusyolk · #5 09-07-2008, 11:04 AM

accepting being fired before your decision makes it seem pretty sincere, i'd say one more shot.

Mike Shevlin · #6 09-07-2008, 11:08 AM

If this story is true, I think the 'friend's friend' should be in a dark cold cell somewhere waiting to explain to a judge why he likes to slip people a dangerous drug without their knowledge.

Munjibunga · #7 09-07-2008, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fetusyolk

accepting being fired before your decision makes it seem pretty sincere, i'd say one more shot.

Accepting being fired makes it easy. Fire him. His story is bogus. This isn't the last time this will happen.

SpectorBass308 · #8 09-07-2008, 11:11 AM

To me it all depends on weather or not his story is true.

Sub5ound · #9 09-07-2008, 11:39 AM

Im guilty of something like that. My band was to play the staff party after mountain jam, and having attened mountain jam, i over indulged quite a bit the day before.....
needless to say i had to call in sick. lost the opportunity to meet and possibly jam with warren haynes. they found someone to fill in, but boy i felt...well, depressed. band was cool with it though. felt bad.

Stumbo · #10 09-08-2008, 11:34 AM

He should have gone for medical help once he knew he was "sick".

To be drugged as a prank or whatever it is, is a crime.

tZer · #11 09-08-2008, 11:40 AM

Unless you have reason to believe otherwise, I'd suggest you give him the benefit of the doubt. If he has no history of lying to you and you have no reason to suspect that he's lying now then you have to take him at his word. If he proves over time that his word is not good, you know what to do.

jomahu · #12 09-08-2008, 11:46 AM

sounds similar to a roofie. that stuff messes you up like nobody's business.

it's your call whether y'all want to fire him or not. if it's the first time or a one-time thing, then firing him sounds kinda harsh.
the only thing is that if you guys had to put out ANY moneys (for lighting and sound and all that), that's definitely a responsibility he should cover.

DudeistMonk · #13 09-08-2008, 12:44 PM

Slipping someone acid is a crime equivalent to manslaughter. It's also pretty dumb to be offered a "special drink" without asking "what makes it special?"

However whatever he took doesn't really sound like LSD...sick the next day? maybe mentally discombobulated and drained but never heard of anyone being physically sick...There are countless other things that could have been in there.

1954bassman · #14 09-08-2008, 12:57 PM

He needs to bring witnesses and proof, unless you all drink and do drugs.

Mark

tZer · #15 09-08-2008, 01:29 PM

If you don't fire him you should definitely lay down some ground rules about attendance. Days/Weeks notice - Sub policy - Emergency Illness clause, etc... Sometimes life is unpredictable and people can get sick for mysterious reasons.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1954bassman

He needs to bring witnesses and proof, unless you all drink and do drugs.

Mark

What does everyone else's drug/drinking habits have to do with it? Seems to me like he's not given any reason to suspect he's a liar and that his word is suspect - unless I missed something.

I certainly think if he ever pulled this sort of thing again that he'd be out and should be told so. But a first time fluke illness is not the most unheard of thing. Food poisoning, stomach viruses, there's a whole gambit of possible legitimate explanations - including he drank way too much and bought himself a killer, two-day hangover or got slipped something.

I know from one very unfortunate experience at a Rush concert in 1985 or so that it's very possible to acquire something from someone at a show who claims it's one thing but it turns out to be something quite different and find yourself violently ill on the bathroom floor an hour later.

LESSON: Drugging & Drinking are risky business - especially when you don't know the source or whose had access to it.

But short of some sort of record of this guy doing this sort of thing before, I don't see why you'd call his honesty into question.

You'd actually force him to prove he's being honest and not let his word be enough?

HugoM · #16 09-08-2008, 02:20 PM

His excuse rings false but if true that on the night before a gig he accepted a "special" drink from a stranger, it shows terrible judgement. Besides, I think that if he was well enough to send a text message, he was well enough to do the gig, even if from a wheelchair. Wheelchairs are not so bad -- a famous violinist (Itzhak Perlman) gigs from a wheelchair.

He will do it again.

Surprise Panda! · #17 09-08-2008, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ::::BASSIST::::

I'd give him *one* more chance. If he screws up again fire him, but everybody deserves a second chance. Especially, if there is some question as to fault. BUT if anything remotely similar to that comes up again, you have to let him go.

+1

tZer · #18 09-08-2008, 02:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HugoM

His excuse rings false but if true that on the night before a gig he accepted a "special" drink from a stranger, it shows terrible judgement. Besides, I think that if he was well enough to send a text message, he was well enough to do the gig, even if from a wheelchair. Wheelchairs are not so bad -- a famous violinist (Itzhak Perlman) gigs from a wheelchair.

He will do it again.

Your Perlman example is disregarded outright; irrelevant. Having a disability and being ill are quite different things.

Just curious - have you ever had the pleasure of a nice bout of salmonellae poisoning? Just because someone can peck out a short text message doesn't mean they can stand up for longer than five minutes.

Man - I wonder if anyone here who's all about firing has ever had unfortunate circumstances cause them to miss a gig or appointment...

Rough crowd.

Spinal Tapper · #19 09-08-2008, 02:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DudeistMonk

However whatever he took doesn't really sound like LSD...sick the next day? maybe mentally discombobulated and drained but never heard of anyone being physically sick...There are countless other things that could have been in there.

+1. I've done the acid a number of times and as f'd up of a drug as it is, I've never been too sick the next day for anything. Just tired from not sleeping the night before. My guess is, he knew what he was drinking when he was offered it, and maybe regretted it after he got a heavy dose of some bad sh** and tripped out all night long, thus being too exhausted to play a show the next day. Unless he was still tripping the day of the gig - that could make things very difficult. Still sounds like a load of bullcorn to me...somethin's fishy

Wouldn't fire him for it though, just ask him to tell you the truth and try and move on.

Slax · #20 09-08-2008, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tZer

Your Perlman example is disregarded outright; irrelevant. Having a disability and being ill are quite different things.

Just curious - have you ever had the pleasure of a nice bout of salmonellae poisoning? Just because someone can peck out a short text message doesn't mean they can stand up for longer than five minutes.

Man - I wonder if anyone here who's all about firing has ever had unfortunate circumstances cause them to miss a gig or appointment...

Rough crowd.

+1.

A similar thing happened to my sister's ex-boyfriend. Someone put something in his drink at a party and he ended up violently ill and hallucinating and going to the hospital. It's a terrible and f-'d up thing to do, but it does happen unfortunately...