Weighing Down the Ship

Haysoochreesto · #1 08-01-2010, 10:00 AM

Without going into gruesome detail, here's the deal. Come Fall my schedule is going to be insane. I work here and there when I can but have decided to make a career change and now go to school full time. I'm also a single dad who has his daughter about 80% of the time.

I've been telling the guys how nuts my schedule is going to be and that if we wanted to do a bunch of gigs, we better do them in August because I'm likely not going to be good for much more than 1 gig a month after that.

We now have gigs booked in September, October, and November. So I sent out a message on Facebook reminding them of my situation.

Even at one gig a month it's going to stress my schedule but I don't want to give up... yet I have to maintain my priorities. What to do? We've done really well with this project and all we all get along great. It's as ideal of a situation as I could find myself in. But it's become apparent that my availability is becoming limited.

And the thing is, come winter and spring, my schedule is going to be just as vile; and same with Fall after that.

I don't want to quit playing but my personal obligations are too serious to not consider it. I'm 40 and in mid career change with an 11 year old daughter to consider. At the same time I have an obligation to four other people who I really like and respect.

Is it really fair to ask them to not gig because of me? I don't think it is. None of us do this for a living, it's all about having fun. But man...

Jim Nazium · #2 08-01-2010, 10:17 AM

I would tell them what your situation is, that you can only play 1 gig a month, and they are welcome to bring in a substitute bassist if they want to do more gigs. With luck, you can work that out with the understanding that you are still the "permanent" bassist if & when your situation changes. I think asking the rest of the band not to play out goes a little too far. IMHO, YMMV, etc.

Good luck bro, you have a lot on your plate.

RustyAxe · #3 08-01-2010, 12:44 PM

I think you know what your priorities are, but don't like it very much. Tell the band what the situation is, and let them decide what needs to be done. Bottom line, you may lose your spot. There are seasons in everyone's life, we can't really have it all ... all the time.

N.F.A. · #4 08-01-2010, 12:51 PM

Maybe line up a suitable sub and just play the gigs that you are okay doing?

skwee · #5 08-01-2010, 12:59 PM

You can't expect your mates to stop gigging, since that isn't particularly fair to them. What might feel unfair to you is having them continue without you. I'd say find a sub.

singlemalt · #6 08-01-2010, 01:31 PM

You are making changes, you did the math, move on.

Sounds like you already told them twice.

If the things you are trying to do work out, you'll be back playing music with some room to breath. Taking a break isn't quitting.

Rockingbird · #7 08-01-2010, 01:36 PM

Sub bassist? And make sure he understands that he's a temp.

phatbass · #8 08-01-2010, 01:41 PM

The bottom line is you have a kid. She must be priority number one.

Anybody who thinks this is unreasonable or cops a "band first" attitude has something wrong with 'em.

mulchor · #9 08-01-2010, 06:24 PM

Music will always be there, waitin for you, and won't be hurt if you're on the sidelines.

Daughter = different story.

Full-time school, 80% parent . . . from where I sit, telling the band to find another bassist is the only responsible answer.

Haysoochreesto · #10 08-01-2010, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mulchor

Music will always be there, waitin for you, and won't be hurt if you're on the sidelines.

Daughter = different story.

Full-time school, 80% parent . . . from where I sit, telling the band to find another bassist is the only responsible answer.

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses. But this one ^ probably sums it up the best. I think I might tell them come Tuesday that I can do the gigs we booked but that after that I'm through for a few years.

I'd never ask them to not gig because of me. I'll tell them what I can do and how long it's going to be that way for me and then they'll have to decide what to do. I certainly won't resent them for wanting to move on with a different bass player.

So now the question is, before or after practice? I don't want to send out a mass email. It's something I'd rather do in person.

Rick Auricchio · #11 08-01-2010, 08:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mulchor

Full-time school, 80% parent . . . from where I sit, telling the band to find another bassist is the only responsible answer.

+1

You're not doing yourself a favor by trying to remain in the band at this point in your life. Make a clean break with the band and work to get everything else right.

If work or parenting suffers because of the band, you may not be able to reverse the damage.

Dekker · #12 08-02-2010, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Haysoochreesto

So now the question is, before or after practice? I don't want to send out a mass email. It's something I'd rather do in person.

Congrats on picking the correct priorities

But as for your new question, I'd do it at the beginning of practice once everyone gets there. You want to do it in person, you want to make sure everyone is there (and hasn't left early) and it's still a practice/rehearsal/fun. If they have trouble with your decision, you can leave, but if they're anything near decent, they'll accept your decision and have a great last jam.

Coop Soup · #13 08-02-2010, 01:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Haysoochreesto

Without going into gruesome detail, here's the deal. Come Fall my schedule is going to be insane. I work here and there when I can but have decided to make a career change and now go to school full time. I'm also a single dad who has his daughter about 80% of the time.

I've been telling the guys how nuts my schedule is going to be and that if we wanted to do a bunch of gigs, we better do them in August because I'm likely not going to be good for much more than 1 gig a month after that.

We now have gigs booked in September, October, and November. So I sent out a message on Facebook reminding them of my situation.

Even at one gig a month it's going to stress my schedule but I don't want to give up... yet I have to maintain my priorities. What to do? We've done really well with this project and all we all get along great. It's as ideal of a situation as I could find myself in. But it's become apparent that my availability is becoming limited.

And the thing is, come winter and spring, my schedule is going to be just as vile; and same with Fall after that.

I don't want to quit playing but my personal obligations are too serious to not consider it. I'm 40 and in mid career change with an 11 year old daughter to consider. At the same time I have an obligation to four other people who I really like and respect.

Is it really fair to ask them to not gig because of me? I don't think it is. None of us do this for a living, it's all about having fun. But man...

I had a similar situation when my wife and I had kid number 2. I ended up having to resign from the band. I loved my time playing with them, but it wasn't fair to them or my family.

OmnitzGarima · #14 08-02-2010, 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dekker

Congrats on picking the correct priorities

But as for your new question, I'd do it at the beginning of practice once everyone gets there. You want to do it in person, you want to make sure everyone is there (and hasn't left early) and it's still a practice/rehearsal/fun. If they have trouble with your decision, you can leave, but if they're anything near decent, they'll accept your decision and have a great last jam.

+10 to all of this.

tycobb73 · #15 08-03-2010, 08:51 AM

find a new bassist. Make sure you understand YOU are now the sub.

MNAirHead · #16 08-03-2010, 10:02 AM

A great band always has an alternate line up.