Well, my band just imploded!!!

DWBass · #1 06-26-2008, 06:12 AM

See below the e-mail I received last night from the band leader.

Quote:

I've been really giving the band alot of thoughts. Here is my final conclusion:

1. Eric-I understand that you don't give a damn about Christopher Jay's idea utilizing sequencer. I was hoping that you would be happy using it knowing that you can't play horns and other sounds that you are not playing. Your equipment is totally out dated, you take many hours just setting it up and still can't get it together. You want to change the course of this band, you can't sing because your voice is so "WEAK"!!, but nobody has the guts to tell you. I was just trying to please everyone so I don't change band members everytime, but now I don't give a f%$# anymore co's I'm sick and tired of you and David clashing all the time.

2. David- I've known you for a very long time, but you will never, ever change your attitude too. You are not very professional when you f*&^%$ scream out on stage saying, "WE ARE TOO LOUD"! Nilo is so sick of your seriousness on stage. I understand that you don't like Eric singing and playing rock co's all you want to f*&^%$' do is play jazz, funk and other good s&^%. I like to them all, but you really complain alot that Nilo will no longer want to play with you. You and Eric are both a-holes at times. I f*&^%$#' bent over backwards to help you out, but you don't appreciate all the good things I've done for you. I am over you two so go ahead and start a new beginning with your other projects. I will get this band going again when Ernie gets back. I will survive co's I never give up. I apologize for the foul language, but you both are not truly committed anymore in this band. You both know where I live. You got any problem I'll be waiting patiently. I have so much issues in my life right at this moment and will not take s&^% from anybody anymore. Good luck & hope you have a good life.

By the way, I'm David!

Honestly, this band has been a constant problem anyway and at the last gig, the guitarist, Nilo, in the midst of a 'long and unnecessarily extended solo, turned up to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't quite yell that 'we were loud' but I did yell at him to get his attention! The thing is we gig with a full PA. Not a cheap vocals only setup but a very expensive PA and I just could not get these guys to realize that we do not have to be so loud onstage all the time. It defeats the whole purpose of having a PA. Constant vocal monitor feedback and the leader of the band constantly messing with the board! Ugh! Moving forward, we were supposed to be getting ready for another gig and I needed a break and blew off one measly rehearsal (I already know all the songs anyway) and basically told him I had commitments with another band (which I do). We still had plenty of time to prepare for a 7/19 gig! I guess after having some issues with his daughter (I cannot disclose but some very serious issues), things came to a head last night and he sent out the above e-mail.

I did respond to him very calmly and told him that I respect his decision but that he didn't have to go off the deep end in his communications. I have to admit that he is a manic depressive and also has adult ADHD and I fear that he may do something stupid. I hope not but he is quick to make threats when he gets angry. This was my second go 'round with this band and I should have stayed away but oh well. I'm kinda relieved my association with the band is done. The good side is I can now save some gas as I no longer have to drive 40 miles each way to rehearsals!

Phalex · #2 06-26-2008, 06:19 AM

"WE ARE TOO LOUD!!"

If I had a nickel for every time someone in my band (Myself included) yelled that statement on stage, I'd probably have close to $20.00 by now! Things have gotten a whole lot better for me in my situation, and I believe that things just got a whole lot better for you too. Go out and play music at reasonable volumes, and don't lose your hearing. It's really a win win situation.

BillMason · #3 06-26-2008, 06:33 AM

What's the problem? Sounds like you weren't enjoying yourself very much.

fenderhutz · #4 06-26-2008, 06:47 AM

DWBass · #5 06-26-2008, 06:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BillMason

What's the problem? Sounds like you weren't enjoying yourself very much.

No problem at all. I'm happy I'm done with the band actually! Just kinda shocked at the e-mail. In all of my 30+ years of playing and being in bands, I've never had a communication such as this.

jgroh · #6 06-26-2008, 06:57 AM

I love the fact that you can be dismissed from bands now via email (well by "now" I mean that because I had taken a long hiatus from playing with bands and back when I was playing seriously, there was no widespread email usage). Hell, it was cowardly to fire someone over the phone back then, now all you got to do is type up an email and poof.

Email...the cowardly band leaders best friend.

Frankjohnson · #7 06-26-2008, 07:00 AM

Been in a similar boat.

Don't consider it time lot or wasted. You learned aome music, some technique, and important life lessons with them.

To prove that to yourself, take a quick breather, prep yourself, go out and play with a better calss of people and don't make the same mistake.

I fell into a situation about 6 months after mine, that is basically "Friggin Great". It works well for me, I have learned scads more, progressed more quickly than I could imaging, have MUCH BETTER self esteem, and my wife, family coul out to see me without being embarrassed.

Its a notch on the back of your bass.......a quartar in the dues bucket.......whatever you want to call it.

QORC · #8 06-26-2008, 07:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jgroh

I love the fact that you can be dismissed from bands now via email (well by "now" I mean that because I had taken a long hiatus from playing with bands and back when I was playing seriously, there was no widespread email usage). Hell, it was cowardly to fire someone over the phone back then, now all you got to do is type up an email and poof.

Email...the cowardly band leaders best friend.

been done to me. The jackass never EVER told me he had any concerns of any kind. He just worked behind my back against me...found someone else and secretly worked with him behind my back...then emailed me that the band had replaced me.

I would love to think that what goes around comes around. but that's a lot to hope for sometimes.

Madness · #9 06-26-2008, 07:06 AM

Good riddance. Sounds like a bad situation all around, and now it's over. On the plus side, at least you know where you stand with the band. I was let go from a band (in high school so what else should I expect?) and they never told me that they were doing something else, I just kept asking, "when are we practicing?" and never got a solid response out of one of them.

jmcgliss · #10 06-26-2008, 07:37 AM

What I've noticed is that forum readers may acquire a good sense of proper behavior vicariously, so our radar goes off while other musicians keep on breaking the "rules" unknowingly, such as high stage volume or wanking between songs. That may be your leader's reference to "being serious on stage", but you wouldn't be in that role if every band member was well read in "issues that tick people off", or if the leader had enough stones to manage "you're doing it wrong" issues.

Life is short, so move on to find people who understand how to rehearse, perform, and communicate.

txbasschik · #11 06-26-2008, 07:38 AM

Sounds like that guy is on drama overload!

Like me, you are better off, now. Second go-round with a band you weren't entirely happy with...c'est la vie, I suppose.

One thing I have learned recently...when people are undergoing their own drama, even if they *created* that drama, they will strike out at the nearest convenient perceived target. Looks like you were that target.

I'll bet he regrets it later. But you will have moved on by then, and be playing with someone much better, and better-suited!!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm sorry you were done that way. E-mail is truly the coward's way out, when it comes to band problems. It was *lethal* to the Vista Chix...I learned from them to state my problems in person. (Not that it did me any good in this last band...LOL!)

He ought to have spoken to you all personally, up-front. Why can't people be up-front with their problems? It works out so much better that way, in the long run.

I guess the correct-but-difficult road is just too scary for some people. Sigh.

Cherie

DWBass · #12 06-26-2008, 08:04 AM

He probably would have called me but his situation with his daughter most likely sent him over the edge and the 'minor' issues became 'major' issues and he reacted! I guess, in an effort to avoid a confrontation, he decided to e-mail Eric and I. I don't have a problem with e-mail. I am an extensive user of it! I'll e-mail you before I call you! LOL!

I just spoke with Eric and he seems to be relieved to no longer be a part of the band as am I! He had traveling issues as well since we live in the same city! We are going to continue working the local area! It's all good! I'm not upset at all. Only a bit concerned about the language in the e-mail as it shows a lot of anger! I hope he doesn't go over the edge!

makaky · #13 06-26-2008, 08:17 AM

What did you do to his daugther ?

You almost made your band leader a grand pa ??

CapnSev · #14 06-26-2008, 08:22 AM

That's a pretty nasty e-mail. I have to admit that I've done the nasty e-mail to a band in a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing, but it wasn't quite to that level.

Bands can be pretty rough sometimes eh? It's like being married to a bunch of different people at the same time!

Is it me, or does everyone else notice that it's almost like a requirement to have at least one person that is "off" in a band?

scottbass · #15 06-26-2008, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

Ah, band drama! Life can be so gosh darn ENTERTAINING!!!

varunkapahi · #16 06-26-2008, 08:24 AM

hey DWBass, this might sound weird but i need to ask, did you mean "Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder" when you said ADHD in your first post above??

txbasschik · #17 06-26-2008, 08:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DWBass

He probably would have called me but his situation with his daughter most likely sent him over the edge and the 'minor' issues became 'major' issues and he reacted! I guess, in an effort to avoid a confrontation, he decided to e-mail Eric and I. I don't have a problem with e-mail. I am an extensive user of it! I'll e-mail you before I call you! LOL!

I just spoke with Eric and he seems to be relieved to no longer be a part of the band as am I! He had traveling issues as well since we live in the same city! We are going to continue working the local area! It's all good! I'm not upset at all. Only a bit concerned about the language in the e-mail as it shows a lot of anger! I hope he doesn't go over the edge!

Oh, good!!! You and Eric can keep working, and create a situation that is better for you both. Perfect!

Yeah, that dude has a lot of anger. But, you know, if he can focus on something else, he can cool down and move on, too. If he doesn't...do you have all of your equipment back from him? If you do, you can just avoid him and let him figure out how to cool his own temper.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[HUGS!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Cherie

Phalex · #18 06-26-2008, 08:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by varunkapahi

hey DWBass, this might sound weird but i need to ask, did you mean "Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder" when you said ADHD in your first post above??

Attachment 95383

DWBass · #19 06-26-2008, 08:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by varunkapahi

hey DWBass, this might sound weird but i need to ask, did you mean "Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder" when you said ADHD in your first post above??

Yes! He shows every sign of it. He takes meds for that and depression! But............I don't think he takes them all the time.

DWBass · #20 06-26-2008, 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by makaky

What did you do to his daugther ?

You almost made your band leader a grand pa ??

I've got nothing to do with his daughter's issues! Without going into much detail, she is 16 and is basically a juvenile delinquent and is causing one hellova ruckus within the family! He's almost at the point where he wants to go out and find the folks she is associating with and do 'bad things'!!