What to do?

[RHCP250]

So I started a band with my best friend last summer. He's the drummer and we've been playing together for 4 years now, but only doing the band thing for a little bit. During our search high and low for a guitarist and singer we got both in one package, our good friend from highschool.

Started out great, we all get along, and we're just doing are thing and having fun. Well as time goes on we really start to see the faults in our friend. He is lazy and unmotivated. He was never really a lead guy from the start, but hes barely made improvement in soloing from the day he joined. He always plays out of key, because he doesn't practice, and has no feel. He's got decent rhythm, but try and get him to use not-so-standard chords and its a nightmare. That could be fixed with a lead guitarist, and he's even suggested that himself so no biggie.

The other problem is the singing. He has an astounding voice, but is too lazy to do any kind of training. Sometimes he falls out of key rather often. He's also pretty bad at remembering our lyrics.

Another thing is that he is very musically ignorant. He can't pick up on a natural feel of when a measure ends sometimes, and can't switch styles quickly. We have one song that goes from a slow swing beat into a latin feel, that he made up, but can't get that change.

The last thing, and biggest issue, is that this summer he turned into quite the pot-head. Not only has it hurt him musically, but outside of that too. He litterally cares about nothing but getting high, and banging his girlfriend (who caused this problem), but despite what all of us tell him a bout the situation he won't change. Last week I got a call from Next Big Thing touring agency, who wanted us to play a battle of the bands, winner gets studio time and a cash prize. Regardless of whether or not we won, it was at a great venue for us, and a big crowd. Me and my drummer were away that weekend, so we asked him if he could go to a meeting to represent us for the show. Well, that turned out to be a big problem for his life because all he had to do that saturday was "pick up" and didn't know when that would go down. First time I've ever heard of drug dealers having specific hours, as if it's more important anyway. I told him to figure out what was more important and to give me a call back, cause if he couldn't make the hour drive I'd spend 7 of my life in a car to do it. Well he calls me 50 minutes before the meeting starts, and informs me that the town is an hour and 20 away, not an hour and that it wouldn't be worth going at that point. I agreed and told him that I didn't care about the band either.

This sucks because any other band would have kicked his ass out early on when they discovered that he was a lazy, unmotivated, and relatively unskilled musician, but we kept him cause he was our friend, and people love his stage persona, hes a great frontman. Now he pulls that garbage which tells me that he's more or less done, but I don't know how to go about ending this.

I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I don't want people in the band that don't care at all about it. I don't know how to approach this situation, and if he does leave, I don't know what to do about our songs, because we all worked on them together for the most part.

Edit: Wow long post, sorry for the rant just needed to vent I suppose. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[puddin tame]

you don't want to ruin the friendship?
why do you want to be this guy's friend exactly? sounds like a bit of a loser tbh

i've known people who only care about getting high, not worth having around at all

[M0ses]

Get rid of him immediately. And don't be overly concerned with remaining friends.

[JohnMCA72]

If he allows himself & his behavior to ruin your band, what kind of friend is he, really?

[Jim Campbell]

Originally Posted by RHCP250

So I started a band with my best friend last summer. He's the drummer and we've been playing together for 4 years now, but only doing the band thing for a little bit. During our search high and low for a guitarist and singer we got both in one package, our good friend from highschool.

Started out great, we all get along, and we're just doing are thing and having fun. Well as time goes on we really start to see the faults in our friend. He is lazy and unmotivated. He was never really a lead guy from the start, but hes barely made improvement in soloing from the day he joined. He always plays out of key, because he doesn't practice, and has no feel. He's got decent rhythm, but try and get him to use not-so-standard chords and its a nightmare. That could be fixed with a lead guitarist, and he's even suggested that himself so no biggie.

The other problem is the singing. He has an astounding voice, but is too lazy to do any kind of training. Sometimes he falls out of key rather often. He's also pretty bad at remembering our lyrics.

Another thing is that he is very musically ignorant. He can't pick up on a natural feel of when a measure ends sometimes, and can't switch styles quickly. We have one song that goes from a slow swing beat into a latin feel, that he made up, but can't get that change.

The last thing, and biggest issue, is that this summer he turned into quite the pot-head. Not only has it hurt him musically, but outside of that too. He litterally cares about nothing but getting high, and banging his girlfriend (who caused this problem), but despite what all of us tell him a bout the situation he won't change. Last week I got a call from Next Big Thing touring agency, who wanted us to play a battle of the bands, winner gets studio time and a cash prize. Regardless of whether or not we won, it was at a great venue for us, and a big crowd. Me and my drummer were away that weekend, so we asked him if he could go to a meeting to represent us for the show. Well, that turned out to be a big problem for his life because all he had to do that saturday was "pick up" and didn't know when that would go down. First time I've ever heard of drug dealers having specific hours, as if it's more important anyway. I told him to figure out what was more important and to give me a call back, cause if he couldn't make the hour drive I'd spend 7 of my life in a car to do it. Well he calls me 50 minutes before the meeting starts, and informs me that the town is an hour and 20 away, not an hour and that it wouldn't be worth going at that point. I agreed and told him that I didn't care about the band either.

This sucks because any other band would have kicked his ass out early on when they discovered that he was a lazy, unmotivated, and relatively unskilled musician, but we kept him cause he was our friend, and people love his stage persona, hes a great frontman. Now he pulls that garbage which tells me that he's more or less done, but I don't know how to go about ending this.

I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I don't want people in the band that don't care at all about it. I don't know how to approach this situation, and if he does leave, I don't know what to do about our songs, because we all worked on them together for the most part.

Edit: Wow long post, sorry for the rant just needed to vent I suppose. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

sounds like the problem solved itself.....you already agreed that neither of you care about this band,so you really don't need to go over it again.....just get the other guys on board for a new project with a different drummer....if he changes his mind or acts all hurt,just remind him that he did say he didn't care,but you still want to play....sometimes bands self destruct just as they start playing out,when one or more guys realize that this is what they will be doing most weekends,which is way different than hangin' in the practice room....the idea of being in a band is a lot more appealing than the reality to many....

[Tehrin Cole]

Originally Posted by RHCP250

So I started a band with my best friend last summer. He's the drummer and we've been playing together for 4 years now, but only doing the band thing for a little bit. During our search high and low for a guitarist and singer we got both in one package, our good friend from highschool.

Started out great, we all get along, and we're just doing are thing and having fun. Well as time goes on we really start to see the faults in our friend. He is lazy and unmotivated. He was never really a lead guy from the start, but hes barely made improvement in soloing from the day he joined. He always plays out of key, because he doesn't practice, and has no feel. He's got decent rhythm, but try and get him to use not-so-standard chords and its a nightmare. That could be fixed with a lead guitarist, and he's even suggested that himself so no biggie.

The other problem is the singing. He has an astounding voice, but is too lazy to do any kind of training. Sometimes he falls out of key rather often. He's also pretty bad at remembering our lyrics.

Another thing is that he is very musically ignorant. He can't pick up on a natural feel of when a measure ends sometimes, and can't switch styles quickly. We have one song that goes from a slow swing beat into a latin feel, that he made up, but can't get that change.

The last thing, and biggest issue, is that this summer he turned into quite the pot-head. Not only has it hurt him musically, but outside of that too. He litterally cares about nothing but getting high, and banging his girlfriend (who caused this problem), but despite what all of us tell him a bout the situation he won't change. Last week I got a call from Next Big Thing touring agency, who wanted us to play a battle of the bands, winner gets studio time and a cash prize. Regardless of whether or not we won, it was at a great venue for us, and a big crowd. Me and my drummer were away that weekend, so we asked him if he could go to a meeting to represent us for the show. Well, that turned out to be a big problem for his life because all he had to do that saturday was "pick up" and didn't know when that would go down. First time I've ever heard of drug dealers having specific hours, as if it's more important anyway. I told him to figure out what was more important and to give me a call back, cause if he couldn't make the hour drive I'd spend 7 of my life in a car to do it. Well he calls me 50 minutes before the meeting starts, and informs me that the town is an hour and 20 away, not an hour and that it wouldn't be worth going at that point. I agreed and told him that I didn't care about the band either.

This sucks because any other band would have kicked his ass out early on when they discovered that he was a lazy, unmotivated, and relatively unskilled musician, but we kept him cause he was our friend, and people love his stage persona, hes a great frontman. Now he pulls that garbage which tells me that he's more or less done, but I don't know how to go about ending this.

I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I don't want people in the band that don't care at all about it. I don't know how to approach this situation, and if he does leave, I don't know what to do about our songs, because we all worked on them together for the most part.

Edit: Wow long post, sorry for the rant just needed to vent I suppose. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sometimes,you have to love your friends(family,in some cases)from a distance.
What I'm hearing you say is that you're hurt,BECAUSE he's your friend,which has to make you pretty angry.
I can tell you this much,...your friend has had a problem long before he joined your band,...probably longer than you may know,or think!
You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped(he more than likely doesn't think,or even know that he has a problem).The best thing you can do for him is to let him go,...cut your losses!
As far your songs go? Well,...I have a feeling that's going to work itself out.
In the meantime,let him go,...you don't need the drama,....TRUST me!

Love your friend from a distance!

[IbanezBass69]

I would say get him out of the band. If you really want to be friends with this guy, then help him through his BS pot smoking and get him out of his rut. The band and friendships have to be separate in this situation I believe. Good luck to you my friend.

[eSmith]

Well, if the other band member still wants to go forward, just look for another drummer. Tell the drummer he is out because he isn't putting in the effort, tell him you feel the pot is causing these issues.

Then, get a laywer and fight for the royalities on any songs that went gold and just forget the rest.......

-eSmith.

[RHCP250]

Thanks for the words guys. The guitar player/singer is the one who is messing up, not the drummer. We talked to it over and think we're gonna have a chat with him at practice tomorrow and see how it goes. He's a good kid and was a great band member till the summer. The drummer is well versed in the adverse effects of habitual pot smoking, so maybe science can help hahah. In any case, we can find another guitar player.

[Rudreax]

Anyone else find it funny that everyone kinda just assumed it was the drummer causing the problems?

[BardoBass]

Originally Posted by RHCP250

Thanks for the words guys. The guitar player/singer is the one who is messing up, not the drummer. We talked to it over and think we're gonna have a chat with him at practice tomorrow and see how it goes. He's a good kid and was a great band member till the summer. The drummer is well versed in the adverse effects of habitual pot smoking, so maybe science can help hahah. In any case, we can find another guitar player.

That might be the best angle, from a friend perspective. Remember that there are two main strains of marijuana, there is not just one "pot" with the same effect. When the Beatles were doing some of their best work, with a lot of marijuana around, those were equatorial strains known for creative, uplifting, active and even spiritual accents. But being equatorial, it has a long flowering time and is not popular amongst "commercial" growers. They favor the non-equatorial strains that have much different effects - stony, couchlock, sometimes lack of focus.
I'm an advocate of cannabis use, but one has to be aware of its effects. And its not right to be in a completely different mental space than your bandmates. It's a very different thing if everyone shares a good, creative herb, than isolating oneself in a stony haze.

Whatever the case, good luck in reforming.

[lousybassplayer]

Originally Posted by BardoBass

That might be the best angle, from a friend perspective. Remember that there are two main strains of marijuana, there is not just one "pot" with the same effect. When the Beatles were doing some of their best work, with a lot of marijuana around, those were equatorial strains known for creative, uplifting, active and even spiritual accents.

Two strains? Dunno bout that, I'd say a few hundred. And best work is subjective. Call me a blasphemer if you want, but rambling nonsense about eggmen and unusually colored submersibles may be entertaining, but hardly genuis. Furthermore, the pot your smoking itself has a lot less to do with any spiritual effects than the person using it. A plains Indian doing peyote is a lot different than a college kid doing the same peyote.

Back OT, how old is this guitar player? Just wants to get high and bang his ol' lady? Sounds pretty normal for a kid. If he's over 21, loser begins to apply, but if he is a kid, well, I'm not terribly surprised. Either way, there is no reason to work with him if he is a pain. Frankly, I'd drop a guy for lesser problems than that.

[codycaz]

Yo,I just recently had the same problem.You know what,your guitarist/singer is not in love what his singing and his guitar man.He's doing this without any passion,but you know what?Maybe he wants out but don't know how to tell you guys.He's abusing you and the drummer.You're gonna have to replace him,cause you're going nowhere with that guy.

[staindbass]

sounds like you answered your own questions in the first 2 paragraphs... better to have 1/2 a band progressing than a full band at a standstill.. . johnny a> /staind

[JMac4strngr]

I had High school friends a lot like Yours. Moderatly talented musicians who dont practice the material, and have no ambitions to get past the practice room door frame. At this point in Your friends life, all He is probably worried about is getting stoned and hanging with his girl. Who knows he may turn the corner per say in a couple of years but, who knows? The best piece of advice I can give You, is for You and the drummer to move on and find some other musicians who share Your same level of commitment to music/ being in a band. This guy may come around, but do You really want to waste Your time and energy flogging a lame horse?
From My experiences with these kind of people, They usually dont end up leading very productive lives. Be it music, work or family they will typically put forth the same amount of effort that Your guy puts into the band. So as hard as it is, move on before this guy and his lack of motivation for all things besides weed or women ruins You and drummers aspirations to be good musicians.

[RHCP250]

Thanks for the advice guys. Pretty sure its hopeless for him, so I'm thinking it's just time to move on.

[EddiePlaysBass]

Originally Posted by Rudreax

Anyone else find it funny that everyone kinda just assumed it was the drummer causing the problems?

I still say fire the drummer!