What to do with lead singer?

Snakeman1066 · #1 08-28-2009, 12:30 PM

got this this morning from my singer after learning i booked a gig two months away...

whats this about another gig? - Please stop. -

I know that we are winning friends and influencing people, and striking while the fire is hot, but we need to focus on a plan. It's changing from "fun" to work. Don't get me wrong, I like to gig. I want to gig. But we're not 20 somethings trying to become rock stars and need to gig all the time. You are pulling in a direction I don't want to go. I love writing, recording and playing music. I enjoy gigging, but there is balance to be had.

We rehearse 1 day a week.
On weekends we gig: we don't rehearse. we don't write new stuff, we don't record.

I feel like we are getting out of balance.

You said sometime time back that you wanted us to say if you were becoming "that guy", well your becoming that guy

I don't know if you are or we just aren't communicating proprerly. I thought that when we spoke last weekend at rehearsal we were all clear and on the same page, but apparently we are not.

so what would you guys do with this? replace him asap? he is also my writing partner he is the Paul to my John meaning he keeps my quirky weird riffs and penchant to write 8 minute songs in check and adds a bit of friendly bits to the songs....

we agreed to do a minimum of one gig per month in our local market and all this fuss because I have booked a total of 6 shows between this weekend and thanksgiving....

we have been playing the same 10 originals since the first of the year and have three new ones in the cooking pot as it were

he wants to take time off to record and write and i want to do both?

to compound all this the drummer doesn't seem to care and keeps out of the band business...he just wants to show up and play

to give some background we are all older and have kids, jobs, wives, and lives outside music
well?

salcott · #2 08-28-2009, 12:34 PM

Bands play live or they're not bands.

amroach · #3 08-28-2009, 12:38 PM

tell him to man up its not hard to do both

MatticusMania · #4 08-28-2009, 12:38 PM

Whats wrong with 6 gigs between now and thanksgiving? Thats what, 2 shows a month? I guess thats more than the agreed upon 1 show a month?

Phalex · #5 08-28-2009, 12:39 PM

Like a wise man once told me: "If you aren't appearing, you're disappearing."

That being said, it sounds like he just wants to have fun, not take the band too seriously, and maybe get some yard work done on the weekends. I really can't fault the guy for that.

He's made his wants known, and you gotta respect that. How they correlate to your wants is something that you need to figure out.

If you feel the need to gig every weekend, yeah, you should probably look for a replacement.

Soloshchenko · #6 08-28-2009, 12:45 PM

Personally,I reckon he is being a bit of a girl but not ridiculously out of order. People in bands all want to do different things, it's just band ****.

Just compromise, say you'll cancel a couple of gigs but you need to keep up fairly regular performances. Plus you don't wanna record stuff you haven't played live yet.

The idea of sacking a song writing partner (and usually the hardest position fill) seems pretty stupid to me to be honest.

WookieeForLife · #7 08-28-2009, 12:48 PM

I wish our band had 6 gigs.

standupright · #8 08-28-2009, 12:54 PM

do you book the gigs and then tell everyone? or do you get potential gigs, discuss it as a group, and book the ones that everyone can commit to?

Snakeman1066 · #9 08-28-2009, 12:54 PM

We are new to the local market and have only played two shows....

we got those shows on the strength of a song i wrote that a signed indie act loved and they put os on their bill

the song has proven to be popular and even cult like in certain circles.....

i feel we need to capitalize on that....he feels we need to stop and concentrate on more material....

I'm honestly at a loss and with the drummer staing firmly in "switzerland" doesn't seem to help

Snakeman1066 · #10 08-28-2009, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by standupright

do you book the gigs and then tell everyone? or do you get potential gigs, discuss it as a group, and book the ones that everyone can commit to?

a little of both actually they are not always available at a moments notice when venues need a solid confirmation

i ask them when and where i can

but then again it was agreed that i would handle the business stuff and he would handle the technical side of things

we agreed on the three original shows, one got cancelled then re-scheduled (we accepted another in the mean time) and the other fell in my lap and it was too good to pass up as the headliner is a signed act

topper · #11 08-28-2009, 01:10 PM

Seems pretty clear that you're not sticking to what was agreed upon. If the band agreed on one gig a month and you've booked more than that he's got every right to call you out.

If you don't have the same goals, you have a conversation and see if you can reach a compromise that works for all, then stick to it.

If you can't reach a compromise, you go your separate ways.

Smurf-o-Deth · #12 08-28-2009, 01:19 PM

I've said it before, I'll say it again, this can only be solved by handling the situation the way any rational, reasonably intelligent adult would handle it: knife fight.

Phalex · #13 08-28-2009, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Smurf-o-Deth

I've said it before, I'll say it again, this can only be solved by handling the situation the way any rational, reasonably intelligent adult would handle it: knife fight.

xgator4u · #14 08-29-2009, 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phalex

Like a wise man once told me: "If you aren't appearing, you're disappearing."

That being said, it sounds like he just wants to have fun, not take the band too seriously, and maybe get some yard work done on the weekends. I really can't fault the guy for that.

He's made his wants known, and you gotta respect that. How they correlate to your wants is something that you need to figure out.

If you feel the need to gig every weekend, yeah, you should probably look for a replacement.

^ This. And the singer said it " strike while the iron is hot", also it can be said " make hay while the sun is shining".

BUT if you had previously agreed, and when I say agreed, that means that YOU also agreed to 1 gig per month, then if YOU go and book more without PRIOR approval=agreement from the band then YOU are in the wrong.

CDRhom · #15 08-29-2009, 12:27 PM

Remember your singer has a tug-o-war of his own going on if he's married. His wife and kids probably don't feel like they have signed on for the band lifestyle, and he may have been making promises about make up time and being there time that aren't compatable with schedule creep.

Take him out for a beer, just you two, and see if there is something else going on. He may really want to keep collaborating but may open to letting the band take on another part time singer.

Getaway Driver · #16 08-29-2009, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snakeman1066

You said sometime time back that you wanted us to say if you were becoming "that guy", well your becoming that guy

Makes him sound like a real jerk... Sounds like he was trying to push your buttons.

You gotta respect his pace, but he seems to be looking to rile something up.

Waterpilot · #17 08-29-2009, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snakeman1066

so what would you guys do with this? replace him asap? he is also my writing partner he is the Paul to my John meaning he keeps my quirky weird riffs and penchant to write 8 minute songs in check and adds a bit of friendly bits to the songs....

Honestly... How is are these two concepts even in the same paragraph? Replacing him seems a bit extreme doesn't it?

I don't see anything wrong with that e-mail... What's wrong with a plan? Especially if you guys have other things going on in your lives. It seems like an open and honest discussion. Sounds like he just wants you guys to spend some more time on writing...

Snakeman1066 · #18 08-29-2009, 03:39 PM

honestly i don't see the point of writing, recording, and throwing music up on a website if we ae not going to perform it in fromt of people on a regular basis

what is the point in paying for rehearsal space and investing in equipment if we are the only ones that are going to hear it...and i went back and checked it's actually only 5 shows between tonight and Thanksgiving

we already agreed to take time off in November and December to be with family and record and finish fleshing out the three or four new songs we have in the pot

so to e-mail me out of the blue and say hey stop.....was a bit well un-nerving to me

as far as the "that guy" comment i have a very aggressive personality and am a bit OCD when i do something i tend to do it 120% and if not kept in check i seem to be a madman to others around me...

i asked them that if i was being that guy to call me on it and apparently in his eyes i am and he did...

he is the techno geek of the band and is really into all the software and toys.....i just want to play and see people react to my music either positive or negative.....that requires a gig and an audience...

got this very early this morning after he had been out with members of the planning and festival group for our local town council...

In no way shape or form were the emails I passed on supposed to cause hurt feelings. I'm sorry if they came across that way.

My laundry list of points was in response to you asking for my opinion in black and white, nothing more and nothing less. I was just trying to be clear and non-ambiguous. It was my understanding of what the band's vision is, and where we were headed. It made no judgement calls. I had hoped it would encourage discussion (which it has) and even encourge other talking points to find our common ground. I only meant to clear up where my assumptions are coming from, and to see if those assumtions mesh with yours, ie common ground.

Your email illustrated to me, that there have been miscues- and that I have misunderstood things- for that I am truly sorry.

There has to be something lost in translation. I think some of my "funny" dosen't get through on internet form? There was no mean intent implied or written, to cause any malcontent.

I know that one of the things lost in all of our discussions is that the amount of work and results you are responsible for:
When we started with the gigging idea thing, I will be honest, I vastly underestimated the tenacity and zeal that you would attack this undertaking. The results far exeeded the expectations. It is awesome. The true meaning of awesome. (Scary good.)

I respect booking has taken on a life of its own and snowballed. I apologize for any knee-jerk reponses. The amount of bookings done in such a short time can be intimidating because of the amount of responsibilitles we are accountable for.

I have to put forth that we have a lack of communication on all our parts- AND when we do talk, none of us walk away with the same content.

I thought that it was because we do a lot of email correspondance, but after the discussions last week, in person, all three of us walked away on a different page, and here we are again.

When the other guitar player left, it was because he wanted us to be gigging, earning $, (enough so- that it would be our primary employment)- at which point we were all unified, and our vision was clear and defined. And, I was still working on that vision.

I feel if we play out or not- we're a band. I am committed to playing music with a couple of friends- for me that is a band.

I enjoy making music with you guys. Period.

I play for us. Period.

It's not about $, or a pat on the back. - Money gets spent and fans can be as disingenuous as they are fickle.

It's about looking around, feeling the flow- and the smiles we generate for each other. Period.

I am here for our band. No hard feelings. Just straight honesty.

I would like to see both of your laundry lists of vision and expectations. I know we have more common ground than our emails have been displaying. And most importantly, I really want to get to that common ground, because our vibe has been so good lately musically. It's re-kindled my flame and it's something I'm looking forward to working on.

Hope this helps clear some air, peace!

have not heard from the drummer as of yet....

will let you know how it goes after the gig tonight

JustDavid · #19 08-29-2009, 03:45 PM

If I'm reading this correctly, the band agreement was gigging monthly. And you booked gigs more frequently than that. With that, his email was NOT out of the blue.

To my view, you have a lot of very good reasons for 'pushing' the band agreement. However, you are pushing the agreement by booking more gigs than you agreed to.

bluewine · #20 08-29-2009, 03:52 PM

For me, I am all about gigging, we have been traveling out of town 1.5 hour drive for the last couple of gigs and I'm cool with it.

Gigging is what it's all about for me,I didn't get to do as much of it as I wanted when I was young.

I didn't like your singers letter. I would get another one that is into playing in front of people.