What would you do?

JonahP1 · #1 11-02-2012, 09:02 PM

So I've been playing in a band for about a year now and things are looking very good in general. It is extremely hard for me to work with the other members of the band due to a lack of music theory knowledge on their part. Also, I joined this band after they were "established" an they seem to look down on me and my ideas because of
that. Also, the guitarist seems to think he is the greatest musician in the band even though I have more knowledge about music, which is only a little bit compared to some but is a pretty decent amount for my age. I have missed 2 band practices already purely because I didn't want to go and deal with them. They are closed minded about modern music and insist on playing stuff that sounds like its from the 70s (not necessarily a bad thing but it is not the best way to appeal to people of our generation). So if you were in my place what would you do? Quit? Stay in?
Also they are my friend so if I quit it might add some more tension then their already is in our relationship.

Ps
Thanks for reading this all the way. I tried to be brief so that's why it may sound a little choppy.

**mjac28** · #2 11-02-2012, 09:06 PM

It's obvious you aren't happy and probably won't be in the future the things you listed look pretty significant to overlook and I think you would be happy with a band closer to your needs and who knows they might be trying to find a nice way to ask you to leave.

fdeck · #3 11-02-2012, 09:12 PM

70s is modern.

I suggest using the band to keep improving your musicianship and ensemble skills by playing at your best and thinking about how you could do it better. But at the same time, bassists tend to be in somewhat shorter supply than other instruments, and you might find yourself getting recruited by another band if you just keep your eyes open.

Duckwater · #4 11-02-2012, 09:13 PM

I don't think any band should worry about sounding a certain way or appealing to people, unless you're doing it for money or attention. Do you make good music with these people? That's all you need to know. I'm the only person in my band that knows any theory but it doesn't make a difference when we're playing.

Winfred · #5 11-02-2012, 09:16 PM

If I were really miserable in a band, I would quit, and have done so in the past.

You need to decide what you're looking for in a band, and then pursue that.

You are in a situation that everyone finds themselves in eventually. You have three choices:

1. Try to get people to change
2. Accept things as they are and live with it
3. Leave

**Stumbo** · #6 11-02-2012, 09:42 PM

Since you're 15, I suggest you not get hung up on the drama within the band and whether the band is appealing to certain groups of people.

I suggest you listen to fdeck and use the band to improve your musicianship.

And, if your friends won't be your friends if you're not in the band, they're not really your friends. As far as tension in the band goes, possibly your attitude is showing and you're the one creating the tension. Just relax, have fun, get better. You'll be in lots more bands in the future.

Good luck.

NorthwestNate · #7 11-02-2012, 10:08 PM

Hey man, the second it stops being FUN, quit. Bassists can be choosers. There aren't many of us. If they start bossing you around, don't put up with it you're not having FUN.

That's just my 2 cents.

I've been in similar positions before. I've quit bands because they wanted to make music that was not interesting to me, and the guitarists lived in a fantasy land where the bass player is a weaker musician than the guitarists.

bluewine · #8 11-02-2012, 11:00 PM

If your fifteen, again forget about all the adolescent drama, however I don't know how you could do that since you are an adolescent.

Unless you were brought into the band to teach the other members music theory you might want to apply your vast musical knowledge to your own playing and leave it there.

Stay in the band

Blue

Ifriff · #9 11-03-2012, 05:28 AM

If you're not happy. Quit. Not to be a quitter but to stop waisting time. I waisted tons of time in bands I wasn't happy with. It's got to be fun! Spend the time searching for a new band or the right people to build a new band. Or you could stay, and follow the ideas of the band while getting another project started on the side. Nothing wrong with being in two bands. Your present band, who you play bass for, and your new band, your band, where you can create and enjoy your own ideas. If your friends can't understand that then maybe they're not real friends. I've been through a lot of friends too. Good people are hard to come by. Good luck!

Kmonk · #10 11-03-2012, 06:07 AM

At age 15 this is most likely your first experience dealing with band drama. My advice is to get used to it. As a good friend once said to me when speaking about a member of his band, "why is it someone can be the nicest person you've ever met and then they pick up an instrument and become the biggest jerk in the world"?

You have already missed 2 practices because you didn't want to deal with them. If you are that unhappy you should find another band. Otherwise things are only going to get worse.

Waster · #11 11-03-2012, 06:19 AM

I'm only a year older than you, and I went through this experience a couple of months ago. Just quit. Try to do it amicably, but don't worry about it if they fall out with you. Just focus on becoming an amazing bassist until you find some people with a similar vision as you. Personally, since leaving my band, I have enjoyed playing as a sideman or fill in for various friends. I find that much more enjoyable as you get to avoid all the drama of teenagers in a band.

Connor

ChrisB2 · #12 11-03-2012, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluewine

If your fifteen, again forget about all the adolescent drama, however I don't know how you could do that since you are an adolescent.

Unless you were brought into the band to teach the other members music theory you might want to apply your vast musical knowledge to your own playing and leave it there.

Stay in the band

Blue

+1, best response to this thread so far based on the age of the OP.

If OP were older and experienced in dealing with band dynamics... yeah, quit and find the band that makes you happy. But he shouldn't leave and look for another band without first gaining the ability to interact properly with bandmates... the problem will only follow him to the next band.

Considering the age and experience level of this band, my input is: stop being music teacher, and stop flaking on practices, and get some more larnin' on how to coexist in a band, young'un.

5 string tapper · #13 11-03-2012, 11:29 AM

Some good advice on here. Band dynamics are hard to deal with especially ego centric psychology (not naming instruments...). Being young is part of that and I would just use it as a platform to become the best you possibly can be so when another band sees you play live they might want to recruit you because your talent is undeniable. If it really is making you more depressed to play with them then by yourself then it might be best to walk, but the experience of dealing with these issues is timeless and will help immensely down the road when you find musicians more in line with your vision.

sobie18 · #14 11-03-2012, 02:26 PM

When it's not fun anymore and becomes WORK, then it's time to hit the trail...

skychief · #15 11-03-2012, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ifriff

If you're not happy. Quit. Not to be a quitter but to stop waisting (sic) time.

+1

livinitup0 · #16 11-03-2012, 03:03 PM

I'm not really sold on the idea of putting up with a bunch of crap just for the experience of doing it. Not when there's no other benefit that comes out of it. At 15 you're not really going to be in a band other than "the fun of it". So... If it's not fun then what's the point? Learning about band drama? I think that should be the last thing you worry about at this point.

I'd just woodshed if I were in your shoes.. Maybe look at opportunities at school to play, find seasoned, working musicians to emulate and learn from.... Start making those networking connections now so in a few years you can be gigging and making money while the other guys complain that there's no good players on CL anymore

ddnidd1 · #17 11-03-2012, 03:21 PM

Well if you don't like the people, the material or the level of musicianship, what's the point of staying?????

Find a situation where you at least enjoy playing. Finding the right combination of personalities and material is difficult at any age.

Locating the right playing situation takes persistence and luck, as well as some musical ability. And always in a successful band situation, you must be willing to make 'reasonable' compromises.

UrsaMinor · #18 11-03-2012, 03:45 PM

I had a similar situation happen to me, so my advice may be biased. Well here it goes:

I had a few friends who wanted me to join their band(metal), start paying money, and touring full time. On the other hand, they were ignorant and closed minded. Like a lot of gitards out there, the only good ideas, were their ideas. I started to practice with them, and things took a turn for the worse. It was all bizness, and none of it was fun. It seems that, nowadays, kids just want to start bands because they wanna get signed. They see/hear their favorite bands live, on tv or the radio, and want to follow their footsteps. Is that a bad thing? No. But it just punts the passion/fun right out the window. So, yes, I do agree with the sentiments above about it being FUN. It needs to be something you wanna do, and not what these people expect you to do. Unless you're a professional musician, this isn't a job. You could find other bands, I guarantee it. So! Take it from me, and many others here on TB, and just practice more. It's not worth the stress. I hope that wasn't toooo long

QORC · #19 11-07-2012, 05:27 AM

I'm not going to pass judgment on the importance of knowing music theory or not in a band, but it just doesn't sound like a fit for you. Based on that, I would walk.

tZer · #20 11-08-2012, 02:20 PM

As others have said, if you are not happy you should probably move on.

But this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by JonahP1

I have missed 2 band practices already purely because I didn't want to go and deal with them.

Keep that up and you probably won't have to decide. Missing practices "just because" is a nice way to get shown the door.