When the relationship ends, so does the band

[Raymeous]

The only time I've ever seen a romantically involved band, or act if you prefer, work was with a husband and wife Christian duo that did the coffee shop scene.

They were already married with two munchkins and went from playing at their church doing traditionals to writing their own stuff and playing out and releasing CD's. They're doing great.

It can work, but it is prone to failure.

[busmandan]

Originally Posted by longfinger

On the other hand, there are many married couples who form the core of a band with rotating sidemen/sidewomen who come and go, and those groups do fine as the years and decades pass. When it works, it can work great.

For them, maybe - it doesn't work out so well for the rotating sidemen/sidewomen. I did this once and will never do it again.

[ForSix]

Originally Posted by mixtapelove

I feel like I've wasted two years of my life learning 40 songs...

You're kidding, right?

[mixtapelove]

OK, I need to be more clear, obviously.

I did not take two years to learn 40 songs.

I learned 40 songs, in between a few rehearsals, and the effort was wasted, because the band did nothing for two years. I fixed the original post to hopefully make that more clear.

[viper4000]

Originally Posted by erigod23

I had the opposite happen. The band was keeping them together. When it ended (amicably), the couple broke up.

Oddly enough I've been in that situation...



I was one of the ones in the relationship


even though it ended well as friends, I will never do it again!!

[guy n. cognito]

Originally Posted by mellowinman

Well, my wife and I formed our band together, and I can honestly say we're every bit as happy, loving and stable in the band as we are in our real lives.

Well, but how many drummers have you had? What about guitarists?

Never, ever, ever join a band where a "couple" is involved. Husband/wife....boyfriend/girlfriend.....boyfriend/boyfriend......doesn't matter. At best, they form a voting block that won't be broken. At worst, their collective crazy infects and pollutes the band.

[mellowinman]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

Well, but how many drummers have you had? What about guitarists?

Never, ever, ever join a band where a "couple" is involved. Husband/wife....boyfriend/girlfriend.....boyfriend/boyfriend......doesn't matter. At best, they form a voting block that won't be broken. At worst, their collective crazy infects and pollutes the band.

We've had one guitarist for four years, and briefly had a different one, just as we were getting the band started.

We've had quite a few drummers, but our current one has been with us two years already.

My wife and I are a voting bloc that is frequently broken. You're all about "never" or "always."

I am not.

It's no picnic playing with us, but there are some rewards that you probably don't get in the bands you've joined.

It's all a matter of personal taste. Some people like beer. Others prefer hamburger.

[guy n. cognito]

Originally Posted by mellowinman

We've had one guitarist for four years, and briefly had a different one, just as we were getting the band started.

We've had quite a few drummers, but our current one has been with us two years already.

My wife and I are a voting bloc that is frequently broken. You're all about "never" or "always."

I am not.

It's no picnic playing with us, but there are some rewards that you probably don't get in the bands you've joined.

It's all a matter of personal taste. Some people like beer. Others prefer hamburger.

Hasn't it been 6 drummers? Weren't you just looking for a drummer earlier this year? How has the current one been with you for two years?

We talk about Drummers some more

[mellowinman]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

Hasn't it been 6 drummers? Weren't you just looking for a drummer earlier this year? How has the current one been with you for two years?

We talk about Drummers some more

You're scary.

If you're going to go looking for the holes in peoples' story on the internet, you might want to read the whole thread.

Drummer #4 came back.

"Drummer #6" was a fill in. He never said he'd join; he was already in two bands. He is a band whore. And he's a singing drummer, who is very good at playing drums.

I doubt he'd have been happy with us.

And remember, Drummer #5 had to wear shades sometimes, because he would take to punching himself in the eyes. He beat his girlfriend and threatened my wife.

I believe you would call that "a whole lotta drama."

[guy n. cognito]

Originally Posted by mellowinman

You're scary.

If you're going to go looking for the holes in peoples' story on the internet, you might want to read the whole thread.

Drummer #4 came back.

"Drummer #6" was a fill in. He never said he'd join; he was already in two bands. He is a band whore. And he's a singing drummer, who is very good at playing drums.

I doubt he'd have been happy with us.

And remember, Drummer #5 had to wear shades sometimes, because he would take to punching himself in the eyes. He beat his girlfriend and threatened my wife.

I believe you would call that "a whole lotta drama."

Just a good memory. Wanna hear scary? I once had a guy on these boards get mad at me in a thread, then make a sad attempt to discover my address and work history, in order to prove he could get to me.

Yes, I would call it a whole lotta drama. In my experience, it is the drama that comes from most band with a husband/wife team.

Bands have enough drama as it is; no need to add an emotional relationship into the mix.

[busmandan]

Originally Posted by guy n. cognito

Never, ever, ever join a band where a "couple" is involved. Husband/wife....boyfriend/girlfriend.....boyfriend/boyfriend......doesn't matter. At best, they form a voting block that won't be broken. At worst, their collective crazy infects and pollutes the band.

And in my experience, one of the pair also doubles as the weakest talent in the band - leaving everyone else to either put up with it or leave. This causes the "rotating sidemen/sidewomen" syndrome mentioned earlier.

[sedan_dad]

From a business perspective, I will not work in a band with a female in it for just such reasons. At some point SOMEONE will mix and pleasure. The drama is most always more elevated in such arrangements. I've been doing this for 40 years and it's just what I have observed. I'm sure there are exceptions but at some level it will complicate things.

[sedan_dad]

This subject ran through my head when I ran across the "I back a hot babe singer" thread. No thank you.

[Proraptor]

It wasnt a waste of time at all, you managed to learn 40 new songs which im sure helped you learn to play the bass being new and all to the instrument.

Playing in bands is the easiest way to learn how to play imo

[powmetalbassist]

Good point. not a total waste, but definately not the outcome you were looking for I'm sure.

[SBassman]

Don't feel too bad about it. Stuff happens.
Bands are like new businesses - unfortunately, Most fail.

I sometimes wonder how I Ever had runs of successful gigging with all the psychos out there.

Persist. It's worth it.

As someone else mentioned, it's a good reminder about asking lots of questions - and also listening to your heart when you are finding bandmates. I am known to ask tons of questions, and I have found myself bailing early on a project when the questions didn't give me all the answers, and I needed the rest from time and observation.