Why are bassists passive agressive with other band members?

[jive1]

From reading a bunch of threads about dealing with band members, band problems, etc. there's always an abundance of passive aggressive solutions going around.

For example:
The issue of "problem with my guitarist" will usually result in folks proposing solutions like "form another band without him behind his back", or "audition other guitarists when he's not around", or "steal his equipment", etc.
Or "singer's ego is too big" is proceeded with advice like "find some way to embarass them in public", or "give him/her the cold shoulder at rehearsal".
Or "drummer is too loud" is proceeded with advice like "hide his sticks", or "detune his drums" .

Is it a problem with us bassists that we just can't talk to the people in our band about an issue? Why so many underhanded, passive-aggressive measures? One it's not professional, two it's counterproductive, three it's just poor character.

My $.02:
If you can't communicate with your band members in a productive manner, how do you expect to deal with booking agents, club owners, record labels, media, soundmen, promoters, etc. that may advance your band?
The best way to get further in the music business is to build your relationship skills. Start within your band.

[NJL]

I think because alot of people that post here are just kids...

BTW, screw you, Qintar!

[seventai]

i always took those kind of suggestions as just sarcastic remarks more than anything.

i agree with you whole heartedly about learning to deal with ppl in a professional manner though.

in general i have found the best solution to dealing with problems with other muscians is to b!tch slap them. that is a nice agressive/agressive responce

[niftydog]

Many people here aren't the slightest bit interested in music as a business, jive1. Why waste your time with idiots when you just wanna have fun playing cool music?

+1 on what NJL said. Kids learn how to behave by watching their peers... and sadly, by watching TV. Don't blame them for being taught bad habits!

I dunno... kids these days...

Jebus I'm old!

[seventai]

were our high school bands any less retarded acting though. maybe yours were, but i remember a time when everyone in my band felt betrayed and wouldn't talk to me because i started jamming with a funk band that they didn't like. i remember drummers from rival bands getting in fist fights at a coffeehouse because someone said something about someone's ****.

ahh high school drama

[cheezewiz]

Originally Posted by NJL

I think because alot of people that post here are just kids...

BTW, screw you, Qintar!

I agree. Most of those posting these threads are the kiddies.
The one's that aren't, well....they should take Jive's advice. (And I hate agreeing with Bears fans).

NJL...unfortunately, you force me to back up Jong once again, when I say, BRAD COOK IS THE QINTAR.

[NJL]

both brad and jive are the qintar. this is fact. we all have the IP addresses.

[Bottom Feeder]

Well I for one am not a kid but have had many problems with band members. I have posted a few trials and tribulations regarding problems with other band members. While I don't resort to passive aggressive behavior, I do become very frustrated with the fact that other band members my age cannot find it within themselves to carry though with whats been said, or listen to anything objectively, or carry on with any kind of civil discourse without throwing a tantrum. I don't hide sticks or de-tune guitars or turn down PA's when they're out of the room. I do try many different ways of dealing with a situation from cool and calm to joking around to firm and in control to getting pissed. I try to discuss the problems. I will confront them on issues that were discussed previously and are not being followed through with. Is it built into a musicians psyche that they will refuse to work well with others? I wonder sometimes how they interact with coworkers in their day job.
Yeah sure, look for another band. After awhile you have moved through everybody and a lot of people start reappearing at auditions. You try to deal with it as long as you possibly can because you just want to play and have some fun. And no, not everyone here is trying to make a profession out of music, but many still would like to deal with others on a civil and adult level.

[cheezewiz]

I have to admit, in my younger days, I was in a band that had a keyboard player that thought he could sing. Unfortunately, he could not. We had one guy that always ran sound for us, and we had an understanding with him. He ran the keyboard player's vocals through the monitors, so he thought he was singing, but not through the mains, so no one else did!
I guess that's semi passive aggressive!

[seventai]

oh i dunno that just seems like good band management to me.

[brothernewt]

for the same reasons guitar players are histrionic, singers are flakey, and drummers are cavemen. Being a bass player doesn't cause it... being passive aggressive causes us to play bass.

[Aussiephoenix]

Honestly, I cant stand being in a band where people are "afraid" to hurt somebody else's feelings by saying what they really mean straight up...

It doesnt work people.

if anyone is secretly holding something in, that something will never get fixed.

SAY what you mean. theres 2 options.

1) your <<insert band member here>> will understand and try to change whats wrong for the good of the band

2) he'll get pissy and eventually leave the band, which shows immaturity or an over-inflated Ego, which is something that will never work FOR the band...

Either way, Its best for the band...

Also remember, Guitarrists are very easy to find, that isnt the case with Singers ,Drummers or Bassists...

[morf]

Havt to agree with this thread, too many posts about how one dislikes another, how they can't solve problems on their own, etc. People ask strangers what they should do in a situation where only themselves can know whats best to do seeing as they know the person with whom they are in conflict better.

Can't keep relying on this forum to solve your band problems. Jive1 has a point when he says it'll be tough for some to deal with the music industry vultures.

[bassbully43]

I dont play this role at all. I am the fourth member in the band and almost in one year the three before me one the founding member is at 25 yrs and the others at 2-4 years each a new guitarist has been in and out for a few months. I have just forced the guitarist back in the band set up all our gigs working on getting us our demo finally done got our buisness cards done and even started our website. If i waited for these guys we would still be in the basement...I have owned several buisness and know how to promote myself from years in competing with others where you had to stay one step ahead to get the spots.I am aggressive and my bandmates tell me so and say it can be bad sometimes...but i find it works out in the end. My job now is to train these guys to become more like me and get out there and get busy working for the band and it is starting to happen ...slowly but we got a bid on shirts and banner for the band last week and a few gig leads...my work is still ahead of me.

[jive1]

I agree that not everyone here is looking to do music as a profession , but relationship skills are useful for your marriage, family, dating, work, etc. The passive-aggressive stuff not only breaks up bands, but marriages, families, and careers as well.

[NJL]

Originally Posted by jive1

I agree that not everyone here is looking to do music as a profession , but relationship skills are useful for your marriage, family, dating, work, etc. The passive-aggressive stuff not only breaks up bands, but marriages, families, and careers as well.

Try dealing with trumpet players.

[Thunder Lizard]

It's as true in bands as it is anywhere else in life... you have to communicate honestly, efficiently, and without being antagonistic.
I've always strived to maintain an environment where anything that is said in that way is listened to and considered that way. Sometimes it means someone has a hurt feeling or two for a bit....but if it means that the band sounds better as a result, it won't last long. Or it shouldn't. Oh, here we go..... it might....dang, best of luck. Speak honestly, know what you're talking about, and listen sincerely. If that doesn't work, then the thing is doomed from the get go.

Originally Posted by NJL

Try dealing with trumpet players.

+1


[psst, check out online trumpet forums, and see what I mean]

[ric1312]

I've been in bands for years. The reason people don't communicate, is usually one or all band members have very fragile eqo's.

Any little comment it taken as a personal attack and causes a, "FU what the hell do you know anyway," argument.

Years ago I had a guitar player with a horrendous tone, but who could play awesome, I had to just straight out tell him. "your tone sucks, we can't play with that," sure enough he quit, and we were the better for it.

Years later I had to tell my current guitar player that although her tone didn't outright suck, it was severly lacking. She also my wife, this resulted in a her getting mad and writing a song called, "stick it." .......you can guess where.

but, after recording she knew what I was talking about.

We also got back with a drummer we dumped years ago, for playing to busy, fluctuation, and having a crap kit. But, he's the only drummer I know who is a no drama guy, and is a team player. so we just told him straight out, "you need to buy a new kit, and learn how to count, and cut out the overplaying, basically form yourself to us." As he always wanted to play with us he's turned out to be a great drummer over the past couple of months. all because we just said it how it is.

So, I've learned that as long as you can be tactful and not sound like a tyrant you just have to say it how it is, otherwise you are just going to build up a lot inside and it's gonna eventually come out in a blow up.

And whatever you do, don't bring griped/complaints up in front of an audience at practice or girlfriends, that just engages the ego sensitivity right away.

I always try to start off with saying, "the whole band needs to work on this or that," that way it isn't directed right at the person. It is a team effort after all. But, if the guy has any brains he'll know exactly what your talking about when it's specific to what he's playing.

[nobes]

Originally Posted by brothernewt

for the same reasons guitar players are histrionic, singers are flakey, and drummers are cavemen. Being a bass player doesn't cause it... being passive aggressive causes us to play bass.

+1
I like that analysis.