Why Do We Join The Wrong Bands

[bluewine]

You guys probably saw this one coming. This does not need to be a long thread.

There have been more than one threads recently about guys quitting bands and frustrated about the experience after a year or so.

So, why does this happen. I don't think all the reasons things didn't work out were not evident initially before joining. Things like:

The band had no history of success or stability.

Lengthy distance for travel to rehearse.

Rehearsals in excess of twice a week for no reason.

Limited and questionable material.

No history of gigs or a market for gigs.


I say it's because we join out if emotion and we don't define our requirements or what we want out of a band before joining.

I have joined bands that were not a match for me so I will start this thread off.

Blue



Attachment 301303

[bluewine]

I joined an originals pop rock band and it was not a good experience. Few gigs, way to much rehearsal and a very uninformed poor band leader.

I joined because I fell in live with the material and I forgot about everything I wanted out of a band.

I learned from my mistake after I quit.

I'm in a successful cover band now.

I defined my requirements and researched everything I could on the band before joining.

Blue

[jaywa]

Can't say I've ever joined a band I shouldn't have... but I've taken gigs on a sub or one-off basis that I wish I hadn't. Usually that happens either:

1) When I haven't been playing a lot and basically will do anything to get onto a stage and making some money, or

2) Because someone else is on the gig (or may be in the audience) who I want to impress so I'll take the gig as a networking move. Those have rarely if ever paid off.

I suppose you could scale these reasons up to a band level too.

[nortonrider]

Wait...... What...... bluewine is in a cover band ??????

[plankspanker13]

Everyone has to go through a similar experience, it would seem. One of my earliest bands was a "bowling night" band, since we rarely played out, but rehearsed regularly and rigorously.

These days, I gig more than I rehearse, and I owe that to the "unplugged" trend of the 90's that opened up the door for acoustic (or in my main band's case, "lite" electric) performances. Our "lite" gigs amount to paid rehearsals for our full band/higher-profile gigs.

[Ric5]

Why Do We Join The Wrong Bands

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Because there are very few good bands out there

[deepBassie]

Originally Posted by bluewine

I say it's because we join out if emotion and we don't define our requirements or what we want out of a band before joining.Attachment 301303

^ This has been my deal for the most part. Not being able to accurately predict what the future holds doesn't help either.

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by nortonrider

Wait...... What...... bluewine is in a cover band ??????

Yes, for over a year.

Again defined what makes me happy and what I wanted out of a band experience.
Which would not happen for me in an originals band.

Blue

Attachment 301304

[ma4rk]

It's about not knowing how to pick your battles... the question to me is: Why Do We STAY In The Wrong Bands.

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by Ric5

Why Do We Join The Wrong Bands

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because there are very few good bands out there

Good point, however I'm not sure it's a reason for joining a "bad" band.

It's a tough call, but I think I'd wait it out until something good came along.

Blue

[Kmonk]

The main reason is that if you worried about joining the wrong band you would never join any band. You never know if the band is wrong for you unless you join.

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by ma4rk

It's about not knowing how to pick your battles... the question to me is: Why Do We STAY In The Wrong Bands.

Yes, another great question.

For me , I stayed because I thought the material is so great this band will catch on eventually.

We didn't catch on and where I learned that "smokin" material doesn't aways mean anything.

blue

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by Kmonk

The main reason is that if you worried about joining the wrong band you would never join any band. You never know if the band is wrong for you unless you join.

I can't agree with you, I think there are signs that a band is not right for you prior to joining. For some reasons that will come up in this thread, we ignore those signs.

blue

[Kmonk]

Originally Posted by bluewine

I can't agree with you, I think there are signs that a band is not right for you prior to joining. For some reasons that will come up in this thread, we ignore those signs.

blue

That's true but in most cases we never really know what we are getting into until we join. People will say just aboout anything to get a quality musician to join them. Sometimes we realize that the situation is not a good fit right away but more often than not we join and find out later that things are not what we thought.

[MatticusMania]

"Why Do We Join The Wrong Bands?"


For the same reasons we date the wrong girls... you dont always know theyre the wrong girl/band until you've been through some.

IME, every girl Ive dated has been better than the one previous. Why? Because I learned something more about myself, what I want, and what Im willing to tolerate in a relationship. Since Ive lived through the negative Im now more capable of identifying those traits before getting involved with someone new. Being that a band is a multi-personel relationship, I think it holds just as true with bands.

Never settle.

[Bass_Pounder]

If it was "that easy" to determine the right fit before joining a band, then it should also hold true to other areas of life.

Just think, no more changing jobs, no more divorce, etc.

Problem is, it is not so simple.

[Thick McRunfast]

I read this long ago and it made me think -- The one constant in all your dysfunctional relationships is you.

[MatticusMania]

Originally Posted by bluewine

I don't think all the reasons things didn't work out were not evident initially before joining.

IMO, its less so that those things were not evident before joining, and more so that we didnt know how to identify them before joining.

All the things you listed could be identified before joining a band:

-The band had no history of success or stability. This can be found out by looking the band up online and asking the members about it.

-Lengthy distance for travel to rehearse. Ask where they rehearse before accepting a position in the band

-Rehearsals in excess of twice a week for no reason.Ask how often and how long they practice before joining/auditioning

-Limited and questionable material. Ask how many songs are in their repertoire and what they are before joining/auditioning

-No history of gigs or a market for gigs. Ask how many gigs they have played, and check the bands market out before joining/auditioning

Originally Posted by bluewine

I say it's because we join out if emotion and we don't define our requirements or what we want out of a band before joining.

I would agree with that, and add that sometimes, especially earlier on, we dont know exactly what our requirements are or what we want out of a band. Those things need to be learned over time.

Originally Posted by ma4rk

the question to me is: Why Do We STAY In The Wrong Bands.

Foolishness or hope.

If we're in the wrong band, we have to identify why its the wrong band, otherwise we may be doomed to join another.

Originally Posted by Kmonk

You never know if the band is wrong for you unless you join.

You can know that some bands are not right for you before joining, otherwise we'd have to join every band to figure that out.

[jaywa]

All of this points out the EXTREME desirability (to me anyway), whenever possible, to have some sort of pre-existing "in" with the band you are joining.

Honestly, at this point in my life I would have to be exceedingly desperate to answer a CL ad or music store flyer and participate in a "blind" audition with 3 or 4 other people I have never met nor played with before. Before I accept any project these days, I pretty much have to:

1) know/have played with at least one of the other people involved (so I can get the straight skinny on the situation and know we'll be a good musical fit, and/or

2) have seen them play live - so I know what kind of material they're doing, what kind of places they're playing, what kind of crowds they're pulling and if their overall presentation is up to snuff.

As you can deduce, these criteria also pretty much eliminate me from any sort of "start-up" situation, for which I lost the time, energy and patience quite a few years ago. Having only anecdotal evidence to draw on but I would suspect at least 75% of the factors that cause people to be frustrated with their band situations are directly or indirectly part of the territory with a start-up band as opposed to joining an established, regularly gigging outfit.

[fdeck]

I think it's partly because we're eternal optimists, and partly because they've got something we want, which is a position in a band, so we overlook the negatives.