Why Do We Join The Wrong Bands

[wilberthenry]

+ 1 to Soulman's comment above. I am playing with 3 groups and the least musical one (imo) has the most gigs and is getting popular locally. I am way older (20 + years) than the rest of the guys and would never envision this as how I would want a band I am in to sound, but "wrong" is a little harsh. At some point I will move on, but it has been fun and playing a style I normally don't (and with no drummer) has been a learning exerience.

In my experience, not playing with other folks for a long time can definitely get you in the mindset of joining a band that isn't a good fit.

[RandalPinkFloyd]

It just goes to show how bands and dating are almost identical.

Most people prefer to play with others and bands provide that opportunity. And because there are so few good bands, we tend to take what we can get and hope for the best.

Same thing with a chic. The girl may have some red flags that tell you she's not worth your time. But that rack she has is looking pretty damn good and sex with a girl is better than sex with only yourself.

Then after you leave your band for whatever reason, you think you'll easily find a better band. One that is more talented, motivated, cooler, and easier to get along with. You think of all the other great opportunities you are missing out on and that things will soon be better. But if you don't one and find yourself playing alone for a long period of time, you end up jumping into bed with the wrong band due to desperation.

Then after you break up with your girl, you think about all the other girls you'll get to sleep with that are way hotter. But if you don't one and find yourself playing with yourself for a long period of time, you end up jumping in bed with a dragon or sea donkey due to desperation.

[the explode man]

Rehearsals in excess of twice a week is an issue??? Man, if I had the time, it would be 7 days a week! And then from there, I'd still get a couple solo practices here and there.

Real life sucks.

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by LiquidMidnight

At the end of the day, I've come to the conclusion that there's no such thing as a perfect band. You have to delineate your deal-breakers and then decide what are some of the things you're willing to comprimise. If you don't have a list of the former, you'll forever be frustrated playing in projects that waste your time and talent. If you don't have a list of the latter, you'll forever be playing by yourself in your bedroom.

+1 Exactly what I've been saying in many of my posts, for whatever reason it's usually taken out of context. You have articulated the issue a lot better than me.

I struggle with the "perfect band syndrome".

Thanksgiving Eve we didn't follow our set lists and it bugs the hell out of me. We have songs that are our " show stoppers" that were passed over for songs we struggle with.

However, it's still a band with good people and good consistent bookings.

Blue



Attachment 301594

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by wilberthenry

In my experience, not playing with other folks for a long time can definitely get you in the mindset of joining a band that isn't a good fit.

Am I the only one that can't do the whole not playing in band for any length of time. I mean what would I do, go fishing?

A lot of guys can do this, I don't get it and I can't. But, understand I don't have family or a life. ( by choice)

Blue

Attachment 301595

[blindrabbit]

Originally Posted by RandalPinkFloyd

Then after you break up with your girl, you think about all the other girls you'll get to sleep with that are way hotter. But if you don't one and find yourself playing with yourself for a long period of time, you end up jumping in bed with a dragon or sea donkey due to desperation.

That's gotta be sig worthy...

[BayStateBass]

I think this question is different for each person depending on a lot of things.

Sometimes you "hafta" join a few wrong bands because it's what's available to you.

I think of my situation....being a "weekend warrior", and having been in two FAILED bands that imploded quickly, I didn't exactly have a resume that made me desirable. What I did have is years of lessons, living room time, and professional training. But virtually NO stage experience. Almost NO gigging. So when I went looking to audition, I was brutally honest and got quite a few "eh...we want someone more experienced" lines. Then I found the band I'm with now and they were willing to take a chance on a greenhorn who could tell them every scale and mode, lay out key signatures, and talk at length about music theory but could not bring any REAL WORLD experience to the group. They played primarily Country music and I didn't know ANY of the standards (my last bands were rock and blues).

But, they liked my audition and I was offered the spot even though they auditioned other bassists. They said they liked my attitude, how fast I adapted to what they were playing, and they felt my personality was a good fit with all of theirs.

Luckily, I've found a real great band with awesome people and we are getting regular gigs so I'm building up my resume quickly.

In my case, I had to join (or be part of) a few bad bands just to get enough experience to even have the confidence to try out for a mediocre cover band.

For those of you who are more experienced, you can be more picky, but when you're trying to get into the business and get recognized, sometimes you have to take what you can get.

And I look at it that each band is a learning experience. When my first band imploded I was heartbroken. I had tried to start it and made so many mistakes and it spiraled out of control almost instantly. Then I talked to my bass instructor and he laughed out loud. He said "This was your first band. Did you really think that these would be the guys you'd play with forever? It takes a lot of time, experience, and mistakes to find 'the one' that lasts."

So with each "bad band", I think you get closer to the "right one".

[theduke1]

Originally Posted by bluewine

The most interesting and honest response so far was from the tber that said he's in the wrong band because the alternative was no band.

A testimony to how powerful music can be.

Blue

I would agree sometimes I tire of playing to tracks in my music room

[hdracer]

Originally Posted by theduke1

I would agree sometimes I tire of playing to tracks in my music room

I think you do not get much better ether.
Two months playing with good musicians = 2 years playing to a backing track

[klaus486]

My last band was musically fantastic. It was the douchebaggery involved with certain member's personality that destroyed the band. It's the one thing you can't be certain about when you join any band and everyone is on their best behavior.

[spade2you]

I make my money with my day job. Little desire to be in the wrong band. I've filled in on occasion in the past, but that's about the extent of it. I have odd tastes in music and have other means of entertaining myself with practice, riding my bike, brewing beer, family time, etc.

[hrodbert696]

A couple thoughts...

There's a big difference between joining a band when you're a new guy trying to find a niche out there, and being an old veteran who's been around the scene forever. A veteran is going to be in more of a position to pick and choose what he wants. The newbie HAS to take chances.

A lot of blue's "proven track record" etc etc etc criteria are fine for him, but it's part of his "never waste time on a startup" philosophy. Well, guess what... if there were no startups, there would be no established bands to join. SOMEBODY has to stick their neck out, take the risks, and do the extra hard work to make a startup survive and succeed and become established, so that people with "no startups" philosophy can join their band and make money without having to take any of the risks...

Those of us who are not so risk-averse, or who are new to the scene and have no choice but to take some risks (because we're asking others to take a chance on us, after all), join or start bands that aren't such a sure thing. Sometimes they pan out and sometimes they don't. I've joined groups that seemed very promising at an audition. It's only after a few months that you start to realize that the guitarist who seemed so talented really never bothers learning new music or that the singer who seemed so charming at first impression is really a d-bag once you get to know him or that nobody is going to actually pound the pavement to get gigs, no matter how big they talk. Like someone else said, it's no mystery why someone would join the wrong band - it didn't seem like the wrong band at the time. The question is why people would STAY in the wrong band.

And sometimes what the members themselves want changes over time. My first band, I just wanted some guys to jam with. After six months, the drummer and I were itching to get out and gig... and the guitarist really didn't want to do more than an occasional open mic. So we moved on.

[ChrisB2]

Originally Posted by MatticusMania

"Why Do We Join The Wrong Bands?"


For the same reasons we date the wrong girls... you dont always know theyre the wrong girl/band until you've been through some.

...

Never settle.

Problem with that is, you'll never truly know if a girl/band is right until you try her/it out. Be careful: if you take the "never settle" concept to its extreme you run the real risk of being a lifelong bachelor (a friend of mine found this out the hard and lonely way). Or lifelong bedroom jammer.

Originally Posted by DwaynieAD

although in my case what I thought was the wrong band turned out to be absolutely the right band for me.

there may be a lesson in here somewhere.

Good point. Doesn't mean we shouldn't be prudent. Yes, some bands should be avoided for whatever reason(s). But any band is a gamble and as others said, we take our chances so we can play with others. I also believe there is no perfect band.

The lesson is: life is about compromise and working together toward a common goal, whether that's a happy marriage or a fun band, and sometimes that magic happens unexpectedly which makes it impossble to always be successful in prequalifying a situation.

Or, in other words, find the best match you can in the time you can allow for the search and dive in. If it doesn't work out, quit!! (or dump her!)

[hernameisrio]

When I first started working in film, I worked on a lot of horrible films with horrible people, horrible hours, and horrible pay, just to get experience under my belt. So maybe one reason would be, to get experience?

I also recently/finally ended a relationship which started out okay and went bad and kept looking like it would shape up but obviously didn't. So maybe another reason would be, because you thought it would turn out okay and you kept thinking that if you just behaved differently, you could magically change things to make them okay?

Or maybe you didn't know any better?

Like everyone else has said, being in a band can be so similar to other situations in life...relationships, careers, anything which involves connecting with others and taking a risk. It's a really unique and often precarious relationship, in some ways deeper than relationships, because it's so much harder to get 3-5 people to all get along, let alone a couple. It's also harder than a job, in some ways, because of the fact that so much of it boils down to "love of the game" and a degree of personal sacrifice which might be unthinkable in most jobs. At the least, there's no Human Resources department!

And like everything else, we eventually learn which bands and situations to avoid. After all, what's the definition of insanity? :P

Last winter I was in a startup band that was disguised as a "rebirth" with a "new lineup." It was fun at first because I felt there was good chemistry and I was excited to be more involved with the songwriting/production process. But it wore thin when tension arose between the bandleader and me (he...had a thing for me, I just wanted to be friends, story of my life), and then when we both started to feel at odds with the drummer, and we lost our guitarist, and....pretty soon it just wasn't worth it, especially when I started a new job and had to really work hard to manage my time without going crazy.

After I quit, I realized how much it bothered me to be in a startup project because I felt sort of strung along and like the logistics/scheduling end of things could've been handled so much better...yet I couldn't do anything about it, because it wasn't my band. I could make suggestions, but all that did was make me more responsible for something that I suddenly wasn't sure I wanted to be a part of. So, yeah. I took a big step back and realized that maybe I had to think harder about what sort of direction I want to go in a musician.

I dunno. Things change...people change...that's about it. All we can do is learn from it all!

[JumboJack]

Originally Posted by hrodbert696

A couple thoughts...

There's a big difference between joining a band when you're a new guy trying to find a niche out there, and being an old veteran who's been around the scene forever. A veteran is going to be in more of a position to pick and choose what he wants. The newbie HAS to take chances.

A lot of blue's "proven track record" etc etc etc criteria are fine for him, but it's part of his "never waste time on a startup" philosophy. Well, guess what... if there were no startups, there would be no established bands to join. SOMEBODY has to stick their neck out, take the risks, and do the extra hard work to make a startup survive and succeed and become established, so that people with "no startups" philosophy can join their band and make money without having to take any of the risks...

Those of us who are not so risk-averse, or who are new to the scene and have no choice but to take some risks (because we're asking others to take a chance on us, after all), join or start bands that aren't such a sure thing. Sometimes they pan out and sometimes they don't. I've joined groups that seemed very promising at an audition. It's only after a few months that you start to realize that the guitarist who seemed so talented really never bothers learning new music or that the singer who seemed so charming at first impression is really a d-bag once you get to know him or that nobody is going to actually pound the pavement to get gigs, no matter how big they talk. Like someone else said, it's no mystery why someone would join the wrong band - it didn't seem like the wrong band at the time. The question is why people would STAY in the wrong band.

And sometimes what the members themselves want changes over time. My first band, I just wanted some guys to jam with. After six months, the drummer and I were itching to get out and gig... and the guitarist really didn't want to do more than an occasional open mic. So we moved on.

Bingo!

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by BayStateBass

I think of my situation....being a "weekend warrior", and having been in two FAILED bands that imploded quickly, I didn't exactly have a resume that made me desirable. What I did have is years of lessons, living room time, and professional training. But virtually NO stage experience. Almost NO gigging. So when I went looking to audition, I was brutally honest and got quite a few "eh...we want someone more experienced" lines. .

Great story with a happy ending.

I hope tbers that are looking for opportunities see that their is a consequence for building up a resume thats a hodge podge of short lived start up projects that went nowhere and that nobody has ever heard of.It's a reality that for the good opportunities to get that audition it might take more than how good you are. Ultimately prior to the audition someone will ask you about your band and gigging experience.

It must make it difficult when that good opportunity comes up but your experience prevents you from getting the chance to audition.

However, I think the lesson here is one that we all have to learn on our own.

blue

[JumboJack]

Originally Posted by bluewine

Good point, however I'm not sure it's a reason for joining a "bad" band.
It's a tough call, but I think I'd wait it out until something good came along.

Blue

Originally Posted by El Barbero

Like for 30 odd years

Originally Posted by bluewine

Well yeah, the wait time for the right band could be long especially if your not willing to be flexible to some degree. For example, when I was looking genre outside of "metal" didn't matter to me.


Blue

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by hrodbert696

A couple thoughts...

There's a big difference between joining a band when you're a new guy trying to find a niche out there, and being an old veteran who's been around the scene forever. A veteran is going to be in more of a position to pick and choose what he wants. The newbie HAS to take chances.

A lot of blue's "proven track record" etc etc etc criteria are fine for him, but it's part of his "never waste time on a startup" philosophy. Well, guess what... if there were no startups, there would be no established bands to join. SOMEBODY has to stick their neck out, take the risks, and do the extra hard work to make a startup survive and succeed and become established, so that people with "no startups" philosophy can join their band and make money without having to take any of the risks...

Hi Rodbert,

I agree with your "There's a big difference between joining a band when you're a new guy trying to find a niche out there, and being an old veteran who's been around the scene forever."

However, to my defense regarding my "never waste time on a startup" philosophy." I have advised many new guys on TB that they should try auditioning for start ups or originals projects because their more open to bringing on guys with little to no real band or gigging experience.

Respect & regards

Blue

[bluewine]

Originally Posted by JumboJack

Hi JumboJack,

I think I could have been a better wordsmith with my,

Originally Posted by bluewine
Well yeah, the wait time for the right band could be long especially if your not willing to be flexible to some degree. For example, when I was looking genre outside of "metal" didn't matter to me.

What I meant was, genre is not a deal breaker for me( when I'm looking for a band) except for "metal bands". Basically because it's one of the few genres I simply don't understand and have no connection to.

I hope that makes sense.

Regards

Blue

[JumboJack]

I think El Barbero was making a funny regarding THIS post.