wife won't let me gig??

Bjazzman · #1 12-02-2007, 12:30 PM

im just venting because i started a new band that will play out often. my wife doesen't like the idea that i will be gone for most of the satuday nights. im trying to save money so we can take a trip next winter to the phillipines to see her family. am i being selfish that i won't stay home with her?

fenderhutz · #2 12-02-2007, 12:34 PM

Point out people need hobbies and encourage her to branch out to her own. If the time is all she is worried about that would be my response.

If you are spending a ton of money on this and if it affects her seeing her family she has a point.

Family ALWAYS first. Music comes and goes.

ogrossman · #3 12-02-2007, 12:45 PM

Hey neighbor, I went through the same thing when I was your age. I got into a band shortly after we were married and started out playing once a month or so. But it started to pick up after 6 months and before I knew it we were booked for 6 straight weekends. My wife doesn't like sitting in smokey bars (thankfully that's no longer an issue in Minnesota these days) so she never came out to see us play. It got to be a real sore spot for our marriage so in the end I gave it up. I settled for jamming with friends now and then and picked up other hobbies that kept me at home. Now, after about 25 years the kids are out of the house and I'm back in a band. Funny thing is this band is about to ramp up from playing once a month to something more like 3 or 4 times a month. We'll see if anything has changed in 25 years

.

theshadow2001 · #4 12-02-2007, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fenderhutz

Family ALWAYS first. Music comes and goes.

Unfortunately in this day and age so do wives.

Whats up with the wife anyway? Is she jealous that you might get other female attention. Or is this the only time that she gets to spend with you. Did you even make use of the time (family time or whatever) that you will be missing when you weren't in a band? Does she realise that this will benefit you both? I take it gig money is going for the trip to see her family. Will your being in the band make a significant difference to the household income?

I don't think your being unreasonable. You have to do things that your passionate about, that you enjoy, that gets you out of the house for a few hours. These things are very important and your wife should be doing them too. These are things that will stop you from going insane.

dave64o · #5 12-02-2007, 12:53 PM

Will your net earnings (gig money minus expenses like gear and transportation) help pay for that trip to see her family?

Mike Shevlin · #6 12-02-2007, 12:54 PM

I had a similar problem that had a surprise ending. When my lady (btw, also Filipina) saw me onstage (I make a point to play the solo of my life when she was there) she took a different view. After the first gig she couldn't wait to tell all her friends that I was a rock star & would invite all of her friends to our gigs. maybe it will work out.

Turock · #7 12-02-2007, 12:55 PM

"wife won't let me" indicates the need to grow a set.

Caca de Kick · #8 12-02-2007, 12:56 PM

Explain a couple of things to her...
1) you are and always have been a musician, music is part of your life, it balances you out. And not playing music wipes out a big part of your personality, that you would be a miserable bunghole to be around with that big void in your lifestyle.
2) you are also using this as a part-time job. It pays, and like you say, it's money that you're saving to pay for vacations.

theshadow2001 · #9 12-02-2007, 12:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Turock

"wife won't let me" indicates the need to grow a set.

+1

jady · #10 12-02-2007, 01:03 PM

She is now a "band widow". Thats the phrase that drummer friends wife told my wife at our wedding.

She knew who I was and what i did when we met. I gigged all through our dating. Gigging is my 2nd job, withtout it i would be delivering pizzas or working another PT job and she wouod see me even less for the same amount of dough.

Being married to a gigging musician can be very lonely sometimes. It also can have it's perks (going to cool events, having backstage access to events, meeting famous folks).

She needs to get used to it unfortunately, it is your duty to let her know you understand and appreciate how hard it is for her and pass up a gig once in a while to go out with her instead.

Good Luck!!

dcr · #11 12-02-2007, 01:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Turock

"wife won't let me" indicates the need to grow a set.

Ahh, spoken like a true single!

dcr

**Freddels** · #12 12-02-2007, 01:14 PM

It's cheaper than a girlfriend.

Akami · #13 12-02-2007, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Turock

"wife won't let me" indicates the need to grow a set.

Cold but true.

A marriage ain't about one person letting the other do anything; it's about deciding things together, for the good of both.

Basshole · #14 12-02-2007, 01:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Turock

"wife won't let me" indicates the need to grow a set.

+1

Dude, you blow this, and you can just hand in your man card.

theshadow2001 · #15 12-02-2007, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dcr

Ahh, spoken like a true single!
dcr

Ah the typical line of someone who believes its ok to let a woman control every aspect of their life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akami

Cold but true.

A marriage ain't about one person letting the other do anything; it's about deciding things together, for the good of both.

+1 there doesn't appear to be much going on here.

Akami · #16 12-02-2007, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Basshole

+1

Dude, you blow this, and you can just hand in your man card.

He's right; do you need more space in your wallet?

I'd use that for my quote line if I didn't already have one I want to keep for a while!

danroche · #17 12-02-2007, 01:30 PM

To the guys giving him grief for even considering this an issue, please WAIT until you are married and working to support your marriage before taking shots. Unless you're a devoted full-time professional musician, keeping marital harmony should always take precedence over your gigging schedule. Finding a new band is about a million times easier and less stressful than restoring a strained marriage.

I'm not saying that you should unilaterally give up something you love, but this is hardly a "man up and do what you want to do" kind of situation.

theshadow2001 · #18 12-02-2007, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by danroche

To the guys giving him grief for even considering this an issue, please WAIT until you are married and working to support your marriage before taking shots. Unless you're a devoted full-time professional musician, keeping marital harmony should always take precedence over your gigging schedule. Finding a new band is about a million times easier and less stressful than restoring a strained marriage.

I'm not saying that you should unilaterally give up something you love, but this is hardly a "man up and do what you want to do" kind of situation.

Personally if I discovered a woman was that controlling it would never get to the stage of marriage. Ever.

There's nothing worse than having to constantly jump through hoops to deal with a woman's irrationalitys.

Bass Hero · #19 12-02-2007, 01:32 PM

get her voice lessons and make her a back up singer.

lump · #20 12-02-2007, 01:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Akami

Cold but true.

A marriage ain't about one person letting the other do anything; it's about deciding things together, for the good of both.

+1. I've never understood the "he/she won't let me" thing. How exactly does that work? Do you get grounded if you fail to comply? I don't get it.

Off to rehearsal...