Your Best Comebacks for Hecklers

[mrpackerguy]

I like the other heckler thread and didn't mean to hi-jack, so though I'd start my own list of heckler combacks. C'mon - let's hear 'em.

[tmax]

"I don't show up where you work and tell you how to run the Fry-alator"

[fishsticks]

if you can do better come on up and show us how....

[5StringBlues]

Neil Young had a good comeback-

He was playing an all acoustic show here in Houston at our Verizon Wireless Theater,a small venue that holds around 3,500.The venue is set up with bars ( serving alcohol type bars ) in the hallways and wings of the theater,but you can't bring your drink into the actual seating area.


About halfway thru the show,Neil reaches down into a bucket of ice,pulls out a beer,pops the top and takes a big drink.

Some loudmouth down front yells out, "Hey Neil,where's my beer?

About half a second went by and then Neil pointed to the hallway and said, "Out there!"

The crowd erupted.

[Kenner]

Many years ago, while in a traveling 80's cover band, a drunk dude in the crowd in Wyoming yelled up to us, "You guys SUCK!". I answered over the mic...."Yeah, you SWALLOW!".......

good times.......

[5StringBlues]

Heckler: FREEBIRD!!!!

Whole band: Extends middle fingers and yells, "No charge!"

[Phalex]

Just stop playing and yell into the microphone while pointing at the offending individual: "Will someone please kick that guys ass!?".

[Russell foulkes]

"why are you being nasty now?you were so gentle with us all in the toilets before we came on"

[finalrequiem]

Right cross...

[leadfingers]

For those wonderful male hecklers,
"Come on - you're going to have to get louder then that if you want to be a loud as your old lady the other night."

And because some aren't male, for the female hecklers,
"Wow... you're noisy. And here your old man said you were "never" loud."

Just a couple that came to mind.

[Kuchar]

Originally Posted by Kenner

Many years ago, while in a traveling 80's cover band, a drunk dude in the crowd in Wyoming yelled up to us, "You guys SUCK!". I answered over the mic...."Yeah, you SWALLOW!".......

good times.......

Definitely going to use that one.

[steveksux]

Why are you coming to my job and trying to tell me how to play music? I don't come to your job and try to give you tips on how to manage your gag reflex...

Randy

[Stumbo]

"Best thing you can do right now is be quiet so no one confuses your I.Q. with your shoe size."

[txbasschik]

"Larry, this guy is being an a$$-hat. Please have him removed."

Cherie

[txbasschik]

Originally Posted by 5StringBlues

Heckler: FREEBIRD!!!!

Whole band: Extends middle fingers and yells, "No charge!"

That's beautiful.

Cherie

[phatbass]

It's o.k. buddy; I remember the first time MY mom let me have a beer...

[dalkowski]

"Your mom told me the same thing when I was shaving her back."

[MatticusMania]

Why would you ever be shaving some woman's back?

[MNAirHead]

I"m not one for acknowledging this stuff OR stage banter...

BEST single response I've seen was by a hard core band.. they were very old school .. very tight.. very true to the form.

Without saying anything to band mates next song was NAILED "Secret Lovers --- yes the suckwad adult contemporary ballad"

Lead singer went out in the audience and did the "sing to the girl" put the guy on his knee.. kissed him.. and on and on..

Ended it up by asking the guy to buy him (lead singer) a drink so he could loosen up a bit.

Man I miss true punk.

[etoncrow]

We have an agreement with (fill in the blank) where we won't do any of their songs if they don't do any of ours; They have been really good about it; so I'm sorry but we can't do that request.