Dumb Craig's List Ads thread

[TortillaChip520]

Originally Posted by Tom Servo

So, let me see if I've got this right.

Judging from the ads I've seen, the respondent is expected to:[list]
[*]Have at least 20 years experience playing(And be 18-25 years old)
[*]At least one college degree (and not be allowed to deviate from the root note.)
[*]Have played for a nationally-known act (but not be a "pro")

Originally Posted by MichaelScott

2) They expect you to have "pro" or "Top of the line gear"- even though they won't give you any money. (and not be allowed to deviate from the root note.)

pretty much.

[QORC]

I saw one recently that said something like "WORKING BAND NEEDS YOU" and goes on to say that he was looking for bass, drums and a singer.....so how much of a working band are you when you have no pieces but you??

[Jonyak]

Originally Posted by TortillaChip520

pretty much.

I always see adds looking for pro bassists... but they never want these "pros" to play in other bands.

[bertbassplayer]

basically the translation of these ads are...

We want a guy who is endorsed by a bunch of companies and has played with some big name people to make us look better... but we only want the guy to play root notes or do whatever we tell him to. We want you to play our horrible songs and pretend you like them, even though they sound bad and our singer is always off key (but hey that's what auto tune is for right?).

All of your gear must be top notch, and be able to play a stadium... even though all we have is a 50 watt PA to sing through, and our guitarists use 15 watt practice amps and our drummer plays a set he pulled out of the dumpster. We want you to buy us gear, or get us l33t endorsements too.

You have to have a car/truck/van that can carry all our gear as well as all of us, because we all live at home and our moms won't let us take the car all the time.

[michael_atw]

Originally Posted by My name is Mudd

Given this...

...I hope that the ad is a joke, and not what sounds almost-kinda-sorta like a Klan statement.

It 100% is a joke. You can tell pretty easily.

[Lady Kayri]

Looking at Craigslist in "New Jersey Shore" and this showed up under "Classic Rock Cover Band" = sorta agree with the seniment, actually...

You clowns are a joke. Why is it you think the guitar has to play and sound exactly like the artists you try to cover ? Does your singer sound exactly like Freddie Mercury, Brad Delp, Robert Plant, Geddy Lee,Steve Perry, or Lou Gramm. Does the bass player play and sound exactly like the bands mentioned ? Does your drummer play exactly like the bands mentioned ? I would wager the answer is no to all of them. Why not put a link to some audio/video so all can see and hear your most talented band ?

[Lady Kayri]

omg - good day on southern nj cl! yet another - at least these guys know what they want - if ocean county wasn't so far up the road I'd be tempted to contact them for audition info...

Looking for bass player and lead guitarist.Possible key boardist.. (ocean county)

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Date: 2009-10-28, 8:50AM EDT
Reply to: comm-hqn5k-1441058056@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

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Okay here is the deal...

You must hate the following music and people... TAYLOR SWIFT-FALL OUT BOY- NEW RAP MUSIC-HIP HOP-EMO- 30 SECONDS TO MARS- ANY READY MADE ARTIST ON THE SCENE..

You must respect the following...CHEVELLE-MUDVANE-SLIPKNOT-RAGE-ATREYU-PANTERA-GODSMACK-TOOL-NIRVANA-ZEPLIN-LAMB OF GOD--5 FINGER DEATH PUNCH-E TOWN CONCRETE- SYSTEM OF A DOWN--AND EVERY OTHER BAND OUT THERE WHO HAS MADE THEIR MARK THROUGH HARD WORK DEDICATION A DETERMINATION!!!

We are looking for a bass player and guitarist possible keyboardist if you fit our criteria. You can be a guy/girl/sasquatch...We do not care about age race color...We care about the talent dedication, drive, brilliance, courage to speak your mind, skills!!!! Most of what we look for is loyalty...

We have fought a hard battle and found that most people are not loyal and have ZERO foresight...

I CALL YOU A BAND JUMPER!!!! Always looking for the greener grass..Usually people like you are jumping in and out of bands your whole life..WE ARE A BAND OF BROTHERS...Anyone who knows us, knows we are always watching each others back..When we walk in a room people know we are a tight unit and we are a band..

We are a no bull**** band looking for driven motivated players who are dedicated to making it. Who are dedicated to working their ass off and not afraid of hard work.

YOU MUST BE:

Creative-smart-politically motivated against the system-prepared-able to travel-able to sing (backing vocals a must!!! Lead vocals a plus)-not afraid to play in front of people-and the most important thing!!!!!!!!!

YOU MUST LOVE THE MUSIC!!!!

We are currently recording and you will be able to contribute to our next project..

If you decide to audition..PLEASE PLEASE COME PREPARED!!!

WHAT WE HAVE HEARD BEFORE???

I QUOTE......Oh I am a fast learner and can just jam with you guys-Yes I have all the songs learned( and they have half of one song learned)-Oh what tuning do you guys use? I can play but I just had a baby and I can't practice that much- I need to make a a lot of money- My girlfriend does not want me to be in a band-ETC ETC ETC!!!! Its all ******** and excuses....If this is you? Do not waste our time!!!! We are hard working serious and driven!!!

Here is a simple list for what we want and do not want.......

NO ****ING POSER WANNA-BE ROCK STARS!!
NO ****ING DRUG ADDICTS...(Don't lie we have been on the scene way to long and we can spot a user from a mile away)
NO ALCOHOLICS.......A(a few drinks? that is fine)
NO LAZY PEOPLE.
YOUR OWN EQUIPMENT.
ABLE TO TRAVEL.
IF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND? MAKE SURE THEY KEEP THEIR ****ING NOSEY ASS OUT OF BAND POLITICS!!!
DO NOT CALL US AND WASTE OUR TIME TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF!!! PROVE IT ON STAGE!!!
BE LOYAL!!!
DO NOT EXPECT A FINANCIAL GAIN IMMEDIATELY..
BE ABLE TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE BAND.
KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOOD AT AND KNOW HOW TO USE IT TO YOUR BEST ABILITY!!!

Oh and if you find insult to this ad? You are not the person we need!!!

We are a tight unit and we are playing out we took off this month to record...

WE CAN do this with or without you. So if you have foresight you will see the potential in all of this..

If you made it this far you may have what it takes....

E-mail us..Tell us what you like and what you have to offer. Send a link or an mp3 of you playing singing and doing what you do.

We will send you a link to our site if you catch our interest..

[The EH Man]

Thought this was pretty funny:

http://bloomington.craigslist.org/muc/1427599277.html

Re: Seeking drummer and bass player (Bloomington)
Date: 2009-10-18, 11:38PM EDT

Dear Eddy - Thank you so much for taking the time to notify me of my termination via your Craigslist ad. It's so much more professional to post an ad for a drummer needed online as opposed to a simple email/phone call/ personal visit. I truly appreciate the three and a half months we were able to work together on the same three sets of music, the dozens of unpaid, 80 mile roundtrips between Columbus and Bloomington, and the well paid three gigs I had the honor of sharing with you. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your future endeavors. I'll be sure and give your best to Randy (your fired bass player) when I speak to him next. Cheers!!!!

Sincerely,

David Daughrity

P.S. To any other musicians considering a response to the original post, don't. Feel free to contact me with further questions.

[michael_atw]

Originally Posted by The EH Man

Thought this was pretty funny:

http://bloomington.craigslist.org/muc/1427599277.html

Re: Seeking drummer and bass player (Bloomington)
Date: 2009-10-18, 11:38PM EDT

Dear Eddy - Thank you so much for taking the time to notify me of my termination via your Craigslist ad. It's so much more professional to post an ad for a drummer needed online as opposed to a simple email/phone call/ personal visit. I truly appreciate the three and a half months we were able to work together on the same three sets of music, the dozens of unpaid, 80 mile roundtrips between Columbus and Bloomington, and the well paid three gigs I had the honor of sharing with you. I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your future endeavors. I'll be sure and give your best to Randy (your fired bass player) when I speak to him next. Cheers!!!!

Sincerely,

David Daughrity

P.S. To any other musicians considering a response to the original post, don't. Feel free to contact me with further questions.

Best one so far. I wonder if it was legit. I'd say yes but I've been surprised with stranger things..

[NickInMesa]

Originally Posted by michael_atw

Best one so far. I wonder if it was legit. I'd say yes but I've been surprised with stranger things..

Almost the best one, the leathered trans-gendered "Jenny Cash" is still in my mind the best one but this one comes second close.

[pklima]

Originally Posted by Lady Kayri

You must hate the following music and people... TAYLOR SWIFT-FALL OUT BOY- NEW RAP MUSIC-HIP HOP-EMO- 30 SECONDS TO MARS- ANY READY MADE ARTIST ON THE SCENE..

Y'know, though insisting you hate certain kinds of music and people seems stupid, I think it servers a useful purpose for bands that aren't very good. I mean, if you're not very good and have problems with people ditching you for better bands, you're less likely to get ditched if they're only interested in playing a certain narrow range of styles which cuts down on the number of bands they'd be willing to ditch you for.

As a defense mechanism, that makes sense.

[Muyy]

I liked this one, even though N and D are nowhere near each other on the keyboard, the all caps was a nice touch

ORIGINAL ROCK / METAL BAND LOOKING FOR LONG TERM BASS PLAYER. MUST HAVE OWN EQUIPMENT AND TRANSPORTATION. WE HAVE ALL PRO GEAR AND EXPERIENCE. DO DRUGS, DRAMA, OR BS PLEASE. EMAIL FOR SONGS.

[Steveaux]

Originally Posted by Muyy

I liked this one, even though N and D are nowhere near each other on the keyboard, the all caps was a nice touch

ORIGINAL ROCK / METAL BAND LOOKING FOR LONG TERM BASS PLAYER. MUST HAVE OWN EQUIPMENT AND TRANSPORTATION. WE HAVE ALL PRO GEAR AND EXPERIENCE. DO DRUGS, DRAMA, OR BS PLEASE. EMAIL FOR SONGS.

I think it means you have your choice of those three ...

[conebeckham]

I choose BS. I always have enough of the first two.

[Albatross]

http://jacksontn.craigslist.org/muc/1455079793.html

funny.....and scarry

[Steveaux]

jackson, TN craigslist > community > musicians
please flag with care:



Ok, you passed the test. Only people who wanna be in a better band than all the other listings on here would've clicked. You wanna be in a better band? The best gig in town? If you dig hot chicks and are willing to look like the dudes in this pic, email me. If not, good luck with your country and thrash metal. Jackson LOVES IT!
P.S. I like country and thrash metal.


* Location: Jackson
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests



PostingID: 1455079793

[My name is Mudd]

Can I pay extra to NOT look like them?

[kesslari]

oooh, pouty...

[pandaman37]

Originally Posted by Geek Bassist

http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/msg/1440262218.html

This is actually kinda awesome in my opinion.

thats reallly awesome hahaha. if only it was a bass..

most of these ads imply that bassists are retarded/ second class citizens/ power hungry bastard children/ a combination of all.
but... how can they be wrong when they write in ALL CAPS?

[Webtroll]

http://austin.craigslist.org/msg/1455525578.html



The bass was propped up on the toilet for pics. New relic technique?