Dumb Craig's List Ads thread

[NickInMesa]

Ok, people, let's start it and let's not forget to post the text for when the ad is cancelled/expired:

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/nph/muc/1234586749.html

Date: 2009-06-22, 3:29PM MST



Awe screw it! Guess we don’t need a bass player seeing that I can through technique play rhythm incorporating the illusion of twin guitars. Must be the fact that I utilize string-stopping techniques and just have the gift! Reality, I have yet to play with anyone (doesn’t matter what instrument) that I can’t out play on every conceivable level regardless of the training or level the pour disillusioned individual is on or at. A bassist is a luxury not a necessity.

Play on my lesser-minded and talented bass queers!

Fret eating, rosewood milking prodigy,

Mozart

[NickInMesa]

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/nph/muc/1234206286.html

Date: 2009-06-22, 12:12PM MST



Guess it has been long enough to try this again? Established band looking fo a bassist with a groove and an ear. Just to clarify, not looking to hold your hand and definitely not looking for input when it comes to creating the music. Just be a bassist and know your place, the bottom end locking with the drums and not note for note with the guitar. Seasoned and professional situation here only looking for the bottom end and not a production engineer or manager who thinks being in the band gives him/her the right to assert authority outside of playing your instrument. No bottom feeders with a lack of music knowledge looking for a handout to get a start in music please! Not trying to sound like an ass but just about every bass player I come in contact with is a charity case with an opinion that to be honest is mute. Just play the damn bass and contribute on a level that is realistic!

[NickInMesa]

This one seems to be an answer:

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/cph/muc/1235188586.html

Man, sounds like a real tempting situation there, but I think I'm gonna have to pass this time. I do enjoy working with people of your temperment though so I'll just keep your ad "on file' if you dont mind. Right now I'm in another band that's going pretty well. For rehearsal they remind me for 20 min by screaming and kicking me that I am "only a bass player", then they urinate on me. Then we run through any new songs like a regular rehearsal. If that doesnt work out for some reason I'll give you a ring.

[quale213]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[lousybassplayer]

Hey, before you go off half cocked, remember that you bassists all have no place in the universe of music anyway, so this guy, although a bit rough, is at least being kind enough to offer you a chance to play in a band, which obviously he feels is charitable enough. You four string slingers really ought to learn to count your blessings

Fretboard Wanking, whacking off to a Satriani video

-Mozart

[Lunchbox4u_6]

"Established band looking fo a bassist with a groove and an ear. Just to clarify, not looking to hold your hand and definitely not looking for input when it comes to creating the music. Just be a bassist and know your place, the bottom end locking with the drums and not note for note with the guitar. Seasoned and professional situation here only looking for the bottom end and not a production engineer or manager who thinks being in the band gives him/her the right to assert authority outside of playing your instrument. No bottom feeders with a lack of music knowledge looking for a handout to get a start in music please!"


So he wants a bass player with a good ear that can set the groove, has musical/theory knowledge, but wants the guy to shut up and play what he's told? When is that going to happen...it's not as if this guy is some huge artist who needs a player to play songs that are known and adored by millions...crazy.

[NickInMesa]

Man, the Phoenix CL users are on fire:

http://phoenix.craigslist.org/wvl/muc/1238236496.html

Date: 2009-04-12, 6:46PM EDT



This is a special thanks to all of the guys that put on a free concert at guitar center everyday, we appreciate everything you do for our community. Like when I go in to actually purchase something, you come sit right next to me and play your "top shelf" ibanez through any solid state monster in the store, and show me how fast you can tap. Or like when I am asking someone a question and you stepped up to the plate and instead tell us all how incredible your band is. Another reason I am so impressed by you guys, is how you find time to come to guitar center every day when you're always out on the road touring. It's already pretty hard to sift through the wealth of knowledge available behind the counter, but when you add your countless years of experience in to the equation, there is no end.

Another way that you guys have changed my life is through my use of equipment. Over the years I've always thought that boutique pedals and custom tube configurations really contributed to my overall tone, yet you proved me wrong. Just from watching you play both measures you know from Free Bird, I learned that all I really need is a digitech floor board or a line 6 product to get the job done. Just hearing you guys really shred on your speed metal makes me wonder why people still listen to bands like The Beatles, Coldplay or U2.

Thanks again for all you've done for me personally, you've really taught me that everything I thought I knew must be wrong, I am forever in debt to you. Because of this, I am now looking for a new drummer. Currently my drummer plays with a metronome and is way to solid and tasteful, consider him gone! If you are one of those guys in the drum dept. that knows that fast double bass is so much more important than keeping time, you're the one for me. So what if you don't own a drum set and therefore never practice, who needs practice when you're a prodigy? Who care's if you came in 7th place at last years drum off, the judges were conspiring against you.

Last but not least, I am also holding auditions for a bass player. Currently my bass player plays through this stupid little ampeg 8x10 cab & head with a few vintage fender basses, and all he knows how to do is stay with the kick drum. Who cares that he's never made a mistake, or that he could write a book on music theory, what matters is that he can't slap. If there's one thing that can make any passionately slow song sound even better, that would be slap bass. So what if these pocket bass players like Adam Clayton are living in mansions and you're working at the mall, you know that slap bass is what's gonna bring in the big bucks. don't worry, you'll get your chance, the world won't know what hit'em.

thanks again!

[550sc]

Perhaps not dumb, definitely weird.

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/tlg/1227597777.html

A band playing bluesy music somewhere in Tajikistan (Pamir) needs a bass and guitar players to play with. We will find free accommodation
For the details plz contact

* Location: Tajikistan
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
* Compensation: no pay

[totallyfrozen]

Originally Posted by NickInMesa

...Just from watching you play both measures you know from Free Bird...

That WHOLE ENTIRE listing made me break a RIB! I laughed 'til my eyes watered. The "Free Bird" thing REALLY made me die.

Dude, I'm NEVER moving to Phoenix! That music scene there sounds pretty lame.

[NickInMesa]

Originally Posted by totallyfrozen

That WHOLE ENTIRE listing made me break a RIB! I laughed 'til my eyes watered. The "Free Bird" thing REALLY made me die.

Dude, I'm NEVER moving to Phoenix! That music scene there sounds pretty lame.

I don't know. I posted an ad saying I was lame, and got 6 answers, including from some seriously gigging bands.

I'm about fine here, but it sure ain't Anchorage, lol.

[totallyfrozen]

http://anchorage.craigslist.org/muc/1231227500.html

want to do a free gig to promote your band? (soldotna)

Date: 2009-06-20, 9:53AM AKDT

heres the deal im getting married this summer and wanted to have a live band to play at our reception but we cant afford to pay someone. i know sounds bad but we are a young couple just trying to have a wedding that we will remember forever. if you re interseted in helping us out by playing it would promote your band and you would be doingan act of kindness all at the same time.im looking for someone who can play a little of everything sommthing to get the croud moving reply to me for further details.
------------------------------

Not too weird but I chuckled at the thought that he wants a BAND (not one musician) who can "play a little of EVERYTHING" but wants them to play FREE. And somehow, by playing at his under-funded (translation: small) wedding you're going to get exposure. I'll bet they have money for beer & wine; but not the musicians.

[totallyfrozen]

Originally Posted by NickInMesa

...I'm about fine here, but it sure ain't Anchorage, lol.

HA! well, this isn't Nashville but I'm having a hard time finding some nutty Craigslist posts. Most of the musicians around here seem to have their heads on straight. The real problem around here (and this is for another thread), is that lately (this summer) everyone has been cancelling their live band entertainment because some attorneys around here have gotten some ASCAP thing up their butts. They're saying that cover bands have to PAY royalties to ASCAP for each song they cover. Now no one wants to hire cover bands.

[Jimmy Bones]

Guess being an originals band might be working in our favor now? :P

[DerHoggz]

Heres one:

Originally Posted by MXR FLANGER OWNED BY EVH - $2500

back in 1978 van halen opened up for black sabbath, when the concert was over i was cleaning up the dressing rooms and found this box with 4 nobs that said MXR FLANGER on the back it had EVH. I got in touch with eddies guitar tech and he said just keep it eddie got 2 more of them anyway. now im selling this LEGEND OF A PEDAL

http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/msg/1240380072.html

A funny response:

Originally Posted by Organ Key OWNED by Johann Sebastian Bach - $2501

Found this in my friend's attic. It is an organ key. Said, wow......Called Johann Sebastian Bach's rodie.....he said, Johann has 87 more of them...just keep it......WOW....hard to get rid of but want share this piece of AWESOME stuff.

http://pittsburgh.craigslist.org/msg/1240465947.html

Haha, a $325 Rogue violin bass

[lousybassplayer]

That bach thing is freakin hilarious.

[RobertPaulson]

pretty funny guitard and response:

Original Post: http://desmoines.craigslist.org/muc/1249840490.html

"I'm a LEAD Guitar Player, I live In Des Moines (I got stuck here years ago and have never found a way out). I would Prefer playing in a band in which I was the only guitar player, which is what I've done in the past in every band I've ever been in for the most part. I have No problem with a lead singer playing some second guitar as needed etc. I also have no problem with working with a second guitarist, I am Not saying that I would just flat out Refuse to do so, that is Not the case. I don't mind sharing the lead work, however I prefer to be the one doing the major part of it. I have played for numerous years, I feel and I know I can be a major asset to a working band or one in the midst of creation.

I like hard classic rock, some metal, and even some older flavorful stuff that isn't that heavy or hard. As well, I love a lot of current music. Good GOD there is SO much out there to choose from and there is a whole lotta great stuff goin on that I'd love to replicate. By the way, I pick stuff up with ease for the most part, I play things like Deep Purple, Rush, Alice in Chains, Stone Temple Pilots, The Cult, Led Zepplin, The Who, Tool, Creed, Foo Fighters, Pearl Jam, I think you get the idea. I am also wide open to anything that is worth a crap. I like stuff that is a challenge just as long as it isn't totally out of my reach. There isn't a whole lot of stuff out there that is out of my reach, but I do have a few limitations I will be the first to admit. Please just don't ask me to play Country, or even country rock-- it is just Not my thing.

I can Improvise like Nobody's business. I am Very open to doing original music. I also have a decent digital recorder.

I have a practice space, a small PA system (quality stuff and plenty loud for practice-- wouldn't take much to be able to play live with it), a set of pretty nice drums with Quality Zildjian cymbals (No ZBT junk) , some nice keyboard equipment (including a recently re-vamped '50's Leslie speaker! and a Hammond M-3, also a nice Yamaha Portable Grand Piano). I have only quality Guitar equipment, about 8 electric guitars, one acoustic (even though I have no idea how to use it as I am a big electric player and have never gotten in touch with acoustic guitars), two very nice tube guitar amps, plenty of speaker cabinets and lots of effects etc.

Please get a hold of me if this sounds of interest. I am not leaving a phone number at this point in this ad in order to hopefully keep the "tire kickers" at bay.

Thank you for your time

I don't have a big ego, and consider myself pretty easy to get along with in the majority of situations. I have plenty of talent and won't waste anyone's time if that Is what you are seeking. At the same time, I refuse to play with a bunch of amatures, that will not happen. "



Follow Up: http://desmoines.craigslist.org/muc/1250275735.html



Hi there. I am the greatest guitar player ever. Ten times better than this guy.
http://desmoines.craigslist.org/muc/1249840490.html

I Have 10 guitars - all GIBSON baby!!! I don't mess around with anything that sucks!!
I have 3 tube amps - a fender Twin Reverb, a Mesa Triple Recto and a 5150 - and boy can I shred...
Ten times better than this guy - http://desmoines.craigslist.org/muc/1249840490.html

I'm not trying to be cocky, but i played in a BAnd, and this dbag (http://desmoines.craigslist.org/muc/1249840490.html ) was the backup guitarist and i didn't trust him to TUNE MY GUItar let alone play backup. ...

I have no time for anyone that hasn't played in a band for at LEAst 10 years. Seriously people, don't even piss me off by replying cause i am the greatest, most bad ass person that has ever picked up the guitar, and i will not mess around with dbags that suck!!

Don't respond if you meet the following:
1. YOu suck at whatever you play
2. You play on sucky, stupid gear. Only good gear sounds good enough to not piss me off with it's suckiness...
3. You are a stupid guitarist - don't bother, no one is greater than me. Even this guy
http://desmoines.craigslist.org/muc/1249840490.html
4. You are a woman. i only like boys. Girls stink

[MooseLumps]

copy+pasted straight from the webs, Moscow/Pullman area

Interested in drummer with ad for duo?I do original's rock some metal and a little country(waylon merle)I ment real country.lol Recently located down hear.Aquantences of some of the Bridge walker boy's over in Lewiston.I'l do some cover's but altimate goal is to make some music have fun wile were doing it.Then take our best music uotside of seattle to my budy's supper studio(he's conected with Nashville and LA by satilite.He's a master.We only dream of being so talented or to say woodstock ,I was there!On stage though bein a fill in guitarist.He is a very qualifide studio tec.But let's get together and do some jamin,and see were it go's even if we endup just haveing fun.Atleast it wouldn't be a waist of eny of our time.Joe Clarkston hieght's: Would like member's to be in lc vally or close sothat we can have consistan practice.Thank's Joe


http://pullman.craigslist.org/muc/1248958141.html

[bassplayer8953]

Originally Posted by totallyfrozen

http://anchorage.craigslist.org/muc/1231227500.html

want to do a free gig to promote your band? (soldotna)

Date: 2009-06-20, 9:53AM AKDT

heres the deal im getting married this summer and wanted to have a live band to play at our reception but we cant afford to pay someone. i know sounds bad but we are a young couple just trying to have a wedding that we will remember forever. if you re interseted in helping us out by playing it would promote your band and you would be doingan act of kindness all at the same time.im looking for someone who can play a little of everything sommthing to get the croud moving reply to me for further details.
------------------------------

Not too weird but I chuckled at the thought that he wants a BAND (not one musician) who can "play a little of EVERYTHING" but wants them to play FREE. And somehow, by playing at his under-funded (translation: small) wedding you're going to get exposure. I'll bet they have money for beer & wine; but not the musicians.

LOL!! Sounds like for his regular job he's a bar owner that hires bands...sounds like the same schtick!!!

[cassanova]

I'll play.

http://tampa.craigslist.org/pnl/muc/1248450624.html
[quoteSantanic Drummer needed (Hell)
Reply to: see below
Date: 2009-07-01, 10:07AM EDT


Must have good gear, transpo! Must be drug dependent, Must not have fear of decapatating little bunnies, chickens, birdies, & and drinking their necter[/quote]

[DannDubblewe]

Originally Posted by MooseLumps

copy+pasted straight from the webs, Moscow/Pullman area

Interested in drummer with ad for duo?I do original's rock some metal and a little country(waylon merle)I ment real country.lol Recently located down hear.Aquantences of some of the Bridge walker boy's over in Lewiston.I'l do some cover's but altimate goal is to make some music have fun wile were doing it.Then take our best music uotside of seattle to my budy's supper studio(he's conected with Nashville and LA by satilite.He's a master.We only dream of being so talented or to say woodstock ,I was there!On stage though bein a fill in guitarist.He is a very qualifide studio tec.But let's get together and do some jamin,and see were it go's even if we endup just haveing fun.Atleast it wouldn't be a waist of eny of our time.Joe Clarkston hieght's: Would like member's to be in lc vally or close sothat we can have consistan practice.Thank's Joe


http://pullman.craigslist.org/muc/1248958141.html

That...man...is...my...hero!!