Another "Should I Quit?" Thread

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by SuperK, Feb 18, 2014.


  1. SuperK

    SuperK Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2012
    Location:
    San Jose, CA
    So, long story short our band leader is one of those guys who likes to use our rehearsal time as a "get together and jam" session. I have a wife and two young kids so my time is limited. I'm willing to put in one night a week for rehearsal and I practice at home on my own time. We gig 1-2 times a month at most. It's a casual thing.

    He always insists on rehearsing AT LEAST twice a week and the rehearsals usually end up as time-wasting practices for everyone especially our drummer and singer. I don't feel like we need to rehearse more than once a week based on our gig frequency. I also don't think that I need to sit there and explain to our drummer time and time again how to play the songs when it's clear that he doesn't practice on his own. Oh and by the way we're a cover band so it's not like he can't listen to the music on his own and practice. We even have a 24 hour studio that he has the keys to if he wants access to his drum kit.

    So at the beginning of this year I told the BL that once a week is my max. Period. He keeps questioning me about it and keeps trying to schedule practice twice a week or more. I'm tired of telling him no over and over and I'm tired of hearing his sh*t too.

    So today I went to the studio and it was clear that he's had another bass player in there to audition. There was a bass in the studio and it was clear that they were playing through my gear! I know how I leave my amp set and it was clear that someone else was playing with it.

    Should I put myself out of my misery and bail? The story goes on but I hate boring you all with these stories.
  2. ggoat!!!

    ggoat!!!

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2008
    Location:
    Lousy-Anna
  3. Wesley R

    Wesley R

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2005
    Location:
    Stillwater Minnesota
    It may well be time for some open and honest communications.
  4. BayStateBass

    BayStateBass

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2012
    Location:
    Central Massachusetts
    After spending far too long in too many bands with a similar modus operandi, I say get your stuff and go. I will never, never again play with a cover band who intends to learn material at rehearsal. It drove me insane.

    Twice a week for a cover band is too much. Once a week is good until you have a solid list of songs. Once a week is still good if you are constantly adding new songs, like 2 or 3 a week.

    If you are 100% positive they've been auditioning, then you're already done with them. At least in their minds. And I would be wild if I found out someone was loaning my equipment out without my permission.

    Do what you want, but if it were me, I'd give a notice.
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  6. marko138

    marko138

    Joined:
    May 24, 2013
    Location:
    Perry County PA
    Sounds like they are on the way to giving you the boot anyway.

    Take Glenn's advice.
  7. Lazarevicmass

    Lazarevicmass

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2013
    Location:
    Worcester County, MA
    Absolutely! Pick up your stuff, in good terms, say bye bye, keep practicing in your own time, find another band, i'm sure you'll be alright! Good luck!
  8. mellowinman

    mellowinman Guaranteed to break the Ice at Naughty Parties Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2011
    Media:
    28
    Albums:
    1
    Location:
    Fort Wayne, IN
    Nothing to add to this.

    NAILED
  9. DWBass

    DWBass The Funkfather Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jan 24, 2003
    Location:
    Newport News, VA via NYC
    Disclosures:
    Kohlman Bassworks
    Welcome to my last band although rehearsal was once a week. Rehearsal was always a waste of my time as I was the only one, it seemed, to know the material. In fact, I came into the band knowing 99% of the material. Drummer and second keyboardist were notorious for not knowing the material. First keyboardist was halfassed! Keyboardists tried though. Drummer would absolutely not learn the material! Just did his own thing. I got sick of it. I quit and I feel great. Oh and guess where rehearsals were held? In a dilapitated, unused barber shop full of roaches and mice! Barely enough room for everyone to fit.

    Oh, and not cool for them allowing someone to use your gear! NOT COOL!
  10. SuperK

    SuperK Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2012
    Location:
    San Jose, CA

    I'm pretty sure this is what I will do after I come back from a business trip. I have something else line up. Another cover band but it's a start up so there's going to be a lot more work. Much more easier going guys though.

    I always leave bands on good terms no matter how much I dislike the situation. This new band will be with guys I've played with before.
  11. SuperK

    SuperK Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2012
    Location:
    San Jose, CA

    I tried that. Told the BL that I would only be available once a week and gave my reasons. He pretty much just ignored what I said. He has never listened to anyone but himself and he's not going to start now!
  12. BayStateBass

    BayStateBass

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2012
    Location:
    Central Massachusetts
    The Sonny Syndrome. Sonny was one of my old BL's. Rehearsal twice a week for covers because others didn't practice, especially him. Constant chaos. His way or the highway. Intimidated and constantly nagged everyone. Constantly firing people when the root problem was him. Tons of two-faced deals and lying.

    If you already have a better opportunity, go for it.
  13. jive1

    jive1 Moderator Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2003
    Media:
    1
    Location:
    Alexandria,VA
    Disclosures:
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    I quit a band a couple years ago where it seemed like everyone wanted to rehearse, but so much into booking gigs. Considering I had a wife and kid, and we could use the money more than the rehearsal time, so I quit. It was hard to do because they were great musicians and good people, but in the end, family comes first.

    For me, the rehearsals are harder on the family than gigs. Luckily, I find work without having to attend too many rehearsals, if any. Sure, the bands could be tighter, but my time is limited and I'd rather work on perfecting my family than another cover tune. IME, gigs tighten up a band more than rehearsals anyway. After playing a bunch of well played gigs where the band meshes and folks have mastered the material, I find that you don't need to rehearse as much.

    If you are reliable and prepared, there's a band that's dying to have you in it. In the end, bands come and go. Your family shouldn't. After getting married and having kids it's much easier for me to quit a band because I can readily see what's at stake.

    TL;DR version - Quit.
  14. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Joined:
    Sep 7, 2006
    Location:
    Blimp City USA
    Time to move on.
  15. Fat Steve

    Fat Steve The poodle bites, the poodle chews it.

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2013
    Location:
    Ventura County
    I would simply go in there when no one is there, grab my gear, and leave my keys where the BL usually posts up and be done with it. No note, no calls, no arguing... nothing. Just a big fat deafening silence.
  16. SuperK

    SuperK Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2012
    Location:
    San Jose, CA

    That 100% describes my BL. He's never wrong even when he is. And whenever someone questions him or challenges him, he fires them. We've lost two good drummers and an OK singer because he wants people who just do what he says.

    Last week after Monday practice he asked about practicing Thursday. I said no and we argued a bit about it. After he left, the other guitar player said "Thanks. I didn't want to practice Thursday either." I said "Then why didn't you say something too?!" I'm outta there.
  17. thunderbird66

    thunderbird66

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2012
    Location:
    west Texas
    I would have left right then. Loaded out and Adios! Vamanos!!!!!!!! Better gigs with better professionals are out there for you.
  18. LeeNunn

    LeeNunn Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2012
    I agree with everything said. This thread hits home with me, and I have left several bands over this issue. The good news is that I've finally joined a band that values everyone's time. Rehearse once a week, start on time, end on time, go through a predetermined set list, then work on new material. Minimize the chitchat between songs. Discuss issues by email where possible. I record each rehearsal on Zoom H4N, and use Audacity to chop up the recording into individual MP3 files of each song. Use Dropbox to distribute the rehearsal MP3s. The results are paying off. We're a cover band and the recordings are sounding tighter and closer to the song we're covering. Classic rock is not my favorite style of music, but I appreciate playing music without drama. I practice very early in the morning with headphones. My daytime hours are precious and this group respects that. Anyone who wants to arrive early to (or leave late from) rehearsal for the social part is welcome to do so. Life is too short to endure the frustration you describe. I'm probably not the most easy going guy in the world. My idea of fun is when the music sounds good.
  19. DwaynieAD

    DwaynieAD

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2010
    Location:
    Mechanicsburg, PA
    let someone else use your rig without your permission? I'd have a stern talking to with the BL. that's grounds for quitting right there.
  20. Biggbass

    Biggbass Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Dec 14, 2011
    Location:
    Planet Earth
    Either lay down the law with the guy or hit the road. You're not going to be happy
    putting up with it. To your credit, though, sounds like you certainly know the difference between rehearsal and practice. Maybe you should try conveying that logic to the rest of the band and give them an option to either get in gear or replace you.
  21. madman4string

    madman4string

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2013
    Location:
    Hollidaysburg, Pa
    Even without the drama and ego of the BL going on....

    If I ever walked in to the rehearsal studio, and ANY of my gear was moved, touched, reset...let alone played....I would lose my marbles. That's just disrespectful.

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