I perform with a rock group fairly regularly. I co-founded the group. Since the beginning, I've been the subject of criticism and pot-shots from various band members. I'm not sure why -- it has happened to me throughout much of my life, possibly due to my appearance. It usually happens around people who are either narcissistic or who have aggressive personalities. I am a quiet, mild-mannered person and I have found people who get a charge out of getting others to do things really pressure me to do things they want -- even when such things are not very important or necessary. One person in the group thinks the original set of pot shots occurred because "I'm an easy target" and even offered to get involved in putting the guy in his place. I declined as I think it's important to fight my own battles. But I have been subject to bullying much of my life, so I see the comments people make as an extension of bullying. The first time it happened in our group, I confronted the issue head on with the one member who did it after it continued for several months and I was ready just to quit. I threatened to quit if it didn't change and indicated I wasn't tolerating the disrespectful comments about my appearance, the equipment I use, and the 12'X17' practice room I provide for the band. He continued with criticizing my clothing, my thinning hair and other things after I lost 75 pounds -- one of the aspects of my appearance he would mock. Asserting myself this way did create drama, but I had had enough of the disrespectful behavior. There are times when you have to stand up for yourself. The crisis stopped the disrespectful behavior from one team member who now treats me with the sort of kindness I think the average person would expect from others. It was worth the drama to stand up for myself. Things went well for about six months. However, it has started again with another band member. The guitar player, who I invited into the band, constantly gets on me about something. I don't want to distract the conversation with details -- other than to say I don't agree with him. He brings it up all the time, and I don't take the suggestion as other members of the band also do what I do, and it doesn't involve him. I usually make a neutral comment to diffuse the situation and then move on. He continues to pester me. So, at the last gig, I indicated that he's raised this issue four times, that I haven't taken his suggestion, and that he should probably drop the issue. The fact that I haven't taken his suggestion means that I disagree, and he's going to have to accept that we disagree on the issue, which in my mind, is pretty minor. He responded by going off on a torrent of criticism for the rest of the night. Every time I did anything, he criticized it in a condescending manner. I made a small mistake in the tear-down of the band ( a lighting stand started swaying when I pulled on a cord) and he chastises me and then holds up three fingers and then holds up three fingers and says "How many fingers am I holding up?". I simply ignored him and continued on with the tear-down as he was implying I must be semi-conscious to make a mistake like that. He asked the same disprespectful comment later on the night over something I thought was uncalled for. I simply ignored the comment. One of my problems is that I'm such a thoughtful person, I don't like to a) come back with humorous shots that put the person in their place b) tend not to think quickly on my feet anyway (I am an academic and think for a living, so anything I do is well thought out and never spur of the moment) and c) I don't like to be mean to people. I need help with some methods of asserting myself around band members who behave inappropriately with condescending comments. My goal is to get them off my back while not descending to a lower level. So far, this guy hasn't raised the stakes to the point I want to quit. And I don't want to threaten that again as it causes more drama than I'm comfortable with. Plus we just got the band off the ground and have some good gigs booked. I hope the discussion here stays focused on methods, phrases or social methods you use to assert yourself when band members start getting rude and disrespectful. I think this guy is hurting because I asserted myself with him. He doesn't like it that I stood up to him and he's punishing me. How do you respond in situations like this? Any advice?