Auto-pilot stage lines?

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by Dr Stankface, Jan 9, 2013.


  1. Dr Stankface

    Dr Stankface Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2005
    Location:
    Jacksonville, Florida
    So I know we all have been in the situation when you've just wrapped up a tune and....... :crickets:. Some of us are better than others at being vocal with our audience at that moment. I know it's a good time for one of your auto-pilot lines. What are yours? Do you have any other stage antics that you throw in there as well?
  2. Ubersheist

    Ubersheist

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2007
    Location:
    Ventura, California
    I'm not super "auto-pilot"-y, but there's always a few:

    Whenever we play a super well known song, like a Beatles song, I'll say "We just wrote that song last night. World premiere!" or something like that.

    If some guy is yelling out that we rock or dancing up a storm, I'll say something like "you just keep away from my sister, buddy!"

    I usually tell the same story right before this one song, and I always start it as "Have you ever looked at your spouse and thought 'Man, they do some really weird things'? Well, this songs for the both of you."

    There's others, but those are the three that come to mind.
  3. nutdog

    nutdog Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Location:
    In the dog house.
    We really sucked on that one.
  4. Medford Bassman

    Medford Bassman

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2007
    Location:
    Medford, Wisconsin
    After finishing a song that I know is a slow one, I usually announce something like...

    "Well our next one is a nice slow dancer, so why don't you grab your girl and get out on the dance floor where you can dance cheek to cheek, or turn around and face each other"
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  6. drummer5359

    drummer5359 Gold Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2011
    In the 80's I worked for a while in a lounge band, playing bars and hotel lounges up and down the beach from North Miami to Pompano Beach.

    Our front man was pretty much like the Bill Murray lounge singer character. Weirdly enough, we gigged a lot and it paid decent for that time. When poople would ignore us he would start telling horrible jokes between songs, complete with my rim-shots. People would start to pay attention and clap after our song... maybe because they didn't want to hear his jokes.
  7. Richland123

    Richland123

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2009
    I have several lines I use. Here is a couple that I have when somebody requests a song.

    "We had a request from (person I point out to the crowd). So, if the rest of you don't like this song, it's his or her fault."

    People chuckle and they end up all liking the song. The person who requested the song feels good that we played the song and gave them recognition.

    and

    "Sorry, we don't play that song; but, here is a song that has some of the same notes as that one."
  8. Rick Auricchio

    Rick Auricchio Registered Bass Offender

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Location:
    Cambria, CA (Central Coast)
    "We're taking requests. Anything you want us to steer clear of, the bidding is open."

    "At rehearsal, we played this song for the drummer's dog. When the dog stopped howling, we figured we had it right."

    "We're trying to get our keyboardist to learn harmonica, so then he won't sing."

    "We're going to play this one as if we've had expensive lessons."

    "They asked our keyboardist to be an organ donor, but he only has a piano."

    "Why is it that everyone wants to boogie down, but nobody boogies up?"

    "I knew a musician who was arrested. He used his one phone call to book a gig."

    "The most important of karaoke safety equipment: earplugs!"

    "His favorite country song is 'You Rub Me The Wrong Way...But Keep On Rubbin'"
  9. Bard2dbone

    Bard2dbone

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2002
    Location:
    Arlington TX
    "We're going to take a five minute break for fifteen minutes and be back in half an hour."
  10. DaveDeVille

    DaveDeVille ... you talkin' to me ?? Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2003
    Location:
    DEEP in the Heart of Texas
    i think i'll steal that one ...:D
  11. Rick Auricchio

    Rick Auricchio Registered Bass Offender

    Joined:
    Nov 27, 2007
    Location:
    Cambria, CA (Central Coast)
    I forgot a similar line:

    "We're going to take a five minute break and be back ten minutes after that."

    But yours is even better.
  12. Dr Stankface

    Dr Stankface Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Mar 28, 2005
    Location:
    Jacksonville, Florida
  13. jgroh

    jgroh Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2007
    Location:
    Pennsylvania
    "Obviously you all have rotten taste so go to hell you bastards!"
  14. nobodysfool

    nobodysfool

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2010
    Location:
    Shelby, OH
    When we play a Beatles song, our keyboard player usually says "We wrote that song a long time ago, and some group of Brits stole it..."

    He usually introduces the band as "Hi, we're Back On Earth. We're from France"...

    And, every once in a while, some drunk yob yells from the back of the room "Play Freebird!" Our usual reply is to raise a middle finger, and tell him, "There ya go, pal, your free bird!" We then explain that we're a Skynyrd-free band. Our policy is to never play Skynyrd, not that we don't like them, just that it's always the same 3 songs people want to hear, and we're dead tired of playing them. We just don't.

    In a band I used to play in, at break time it went something like this: "You've been listening to _____, with _____ on the bass, ____on the drums, _____on the keyboard, and I'm ____. We make up _______. You go grab a drink, and we're gonna grab a break, and we'll be right back, so get ready to boogie!
  15. nutdog

    nutdog Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2009
    Location:
    In the dog house.
    Be vewy, vewy quiet. We're hunting wabbit.
  16. Rugmaster

    Rugmaster

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2012
    Location:
    Pickering, ON Canada
    Geoff Tate has a good one, "you guys suck"
  17. Kirk Bryant

    Kirk Bryant

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Location:
    Aloha, Oregon
    When some idiot drunk starts yelling at us from across the room between tunes I usually get on the mic. and say in a LOUD VOICE Hey buddy thats ok I remember when I had my first beer too!
  18. gustobassman

    gustobassman I'm only here for the Afterparty Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Mar 31, 2011
    Location:
    San Diego
    Disclosures:
    Endorsing Artist: Schroeder Cabinets
    I catch myself using this one to the crowd.

    "Thank you, glad you liked that one, we've got about 300 more for you tonight...."

    It usually gets a good laugh.
  19. Bard2dbone

    Bard2dbone

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2002
    Location:
    Arlington TX
    I have a similar attitude. My drummer actually suggested Sweet Home Alabama, based on how the crowd reacted to it at someone else's show. I told him "No Sweet Home. No Freebird. I like Skynyrd. I really do. But if we're going to play anything of theirs, it has to be one you actually have to look up the lyrics to learn it." I then suggested I Know A Little, or Call Me The Breeze.

    I was outvoted. We added Gimme Three Steps.

    I know. Sometimes it sucks to be the voice of reason.
  20. Bard2dbone

    Bard2dbone

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2002
    Location:
    Arlington TX
    I remembered another one. It's not mine. A friend used to use it.

    "I'd like to introduce the band...because it would take too long to introduce all of you."
  21. Richland123

    Richland123

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2009
    "We've gotten a few requests but we are going to keep playing anyway."

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