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Defusing a nuclear bomb

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by mellowinman, Dec 4, 2013.

  1. mellowinman

    mellowinman

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    How do you a defuse a nuclear bomb, that has been planted in the basement of an elementary school by a diabolical genius. Remember, he said NO COPS or he will detonate remotely, and it's on a timer, too.

    I figure this is the best forum for advice like this.

    There's a red wire, a green wire, another red wire, a red and green wire, a yellow wire, a plaid wire, a bare wire that is glowing a bit, a thingamabob, a doohickey, and some sort of thing that spins around and makes kind of a whirring noise.

    I have a pliers, a Swiss Army knife, about 1/2 a pound of blue Play-Doh, and seven Hostess Cupcakes with a sell by date of 3/12/82.

    Any advice would be helpful.
  2. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler Supporting Member

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    You smother it by pooing on it.
  3. PWRL

    PWRL Supporting Member

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    I was under the impression it was always the blue wire.

    Odds are the Cupcakes are still good.
  4. tastybasslines

    tastybasslines I'll hump your leg Supporting Member

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    Use the Swiss Army knife to burrow a tunnel underground where you can come up underneath the bomb. Then eat the 7 rancid cupcakes. Fart and then wait for the gas to eat away at the microchip, thus diffusing the bomb.
  5. i_got_a_mohawk

    i_got_a_mohawk

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    Do you have a cowboy hat? That's essential.
  6. knumbskull

    knumbskull

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    Instruct the schoolchildren to form a protective shield around it while you get a taxi to the airport.
  7. Gazman

    Gazman Supporting Member

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  8. tekdiver500ft

    tekdiver500ft Supporting Member

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    Personally, I would diffuse it with a scrim. To defuse one, though, I'd cut the blue wire after making peace with my God.
  9. GKon

    GKon Supporting Member, Boom-Chicka-Boom Supporting Member

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    You need some duct tape.
  10. eukatheude

    eukatheude

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    Run bare to ground, twist the red and green together and join them, the other red to the pre, cut off the others.
  11. SidMau

    SidMau

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    I thought you planted the bomb? :confused:
  12. tekdiver500ft

    tekdiver500ft Supporting Member

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    I hope not! We have enough bombs already, we really don't need to be growing more...
  13. agent77

    agent77 Tin Foil Hat Wearer Supporting Member

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    He's bluffing
  14. Garyth

    Garyth Now What ..? Supporting Member

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    pffft, you're screwed because you have no twinkies
  15. Phalex

    Phalex Yeah, I've got the moves like Jagger. Supporting Member

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    Remove the plutonium core with your Swiss army knife, then relax and wait for death as you munch on expired snack cakes.

    The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few

    [​IMG]

    or the one.
  16. PAC

    PAC

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    Pictures or there is no bomb.

    Paul

    :rollno:
  17. bkbirge

    bkbirge Supporting Member

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    Disclosures:
    Endorsing Artist: Steak n Shake
    In 20 years a FOIA request will find this thread in the NSA database.

    And yes, this is the best place for advice of this nature.
  18. HaMMerHeD

    HaMMerHeD

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    defuse [dee-fyooz]
    verb (used with object)
    1. to remove the fuze from (a bomb, mine, etc.).

    diffuse [dih-fyooz]
    verb (used with object)
    1. to pour out and spread, as a fluid.
    2. to spread or scatter widely or thinly; disseminate.
    3. Physics. to spread by diffusion.
  19. tekdiver500ft

    tekdiver500ft Supporting Member

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    Which explains my previous response...
  20. zenbanshee

    zenbanshee Supporting Member

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    +1 on remove the core. You will need a lead barrier to protect the children from the radiation. Fortunately, you are in a school, so scrape enough paint off of the wall to construct an enclosure for the core.

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