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Defusing a nuclear bomb

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by mellowinman, Dec 4, 2013.

  1. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man Supporting Member

    Oct 19, 2011
    How do you a defuse a nuclear bomb, that has been planted in the basement of an elementary school by a diabolical genius. Remember, he said NO COPS or he will detonate remotely, and it's on a timer, too.

    I figure this is the best forum for advice like this.

    There's a red wire, a green wire, another red wire, a red and green wire, a yellow wire, a plaid wire, a bare wire that is glowing a bit, a thingamabob, a doohickey, and some sort of thing that spins around and makes kind of a whirring noise.

    I have a pliers, a Swiss Army knife, about 1/2 a pound of blue Play-Doh, and seven Hostess Cupcakes with a sell by date of 3/12/82.

    Any advice would be helpful.
  2. MakiSupaStar

    MakiSupaStar The Lowdown Diggler

    Apr 12, 2006
    Huntington Beach, CA
    You smother it by pooing on it.
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  4. PWRL


    Sep 15, 2006
    I was under the impression it was always the blue wire.

    Odds are the Cupcakes are still good.
  5. tastybasslines

    tastybasslines Supporting Member

    May 9, 2010
    Los Angeles, CA
    Use the Swiss Army knife to burrow a tunnel underground where you can come up underneath the bomb. Then eat the 7 rancid cupcakes. Fart and then wait for the gas to eat away at the microchip, thus diffusing the bomb.
  6. Do you have a cowboy hat? That's essential.
  7. knumbskull


    Jul 28, 2007
    Instruct the schoolchildren to form a protective shield around it while you get a taxi to the airport.
  8. f.c.geil

    f.c.geil I'm your huckleberry... Supporting Member

    May 12, 2011
    Saint Johns, Michigan
    Personally, I would diffuse it with a scrim. To defuse one, though, I'd cut the blue wire after making peace with my God.
  9. GKon

    GKon Supporting Member, Boom-Chicka-Boom Supporting Member

    Feb 17, 2013
    Athens, Greece
    You need some duct tape.
  10. Run bare to ground, twist the red and green together and join them, the other red to the pre, cut off the others.
  11. SidMau


    Sep 3, 2012
    I thought you planted the bomb? :confused:
  12. f.c.geil

    f.c.geil I'm your huckleberry... Supporting Member

    May 12, 2011
    Saint Johns, Michigan
    I hope not! We have enough bombs already, we really don't need to be growing more...
  13. Monster Truck

    Monster Truck but some people call me Kenny Supporting Member

    Aug 22, 2011
    Erie, PA
  14. Garyth

    Garyth Now What ..?

    Sep 9, 2013
    Punta Gorda Florida
    pffft, you're screwed because you have no twinkies
  15. Phalex

    Phalex Semper Gumby Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2006
    G.R. MI
    Remove the plutonium core with your Swiss army knife, then relax and wait for death as you munch on expired snack cakes.

    The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few


    or the one.
  16. PAC

    PAC Banned

    Nov 22, 2013
    Pictures or there is no bomb.


  17. bkbirge


    Jun 25, 2000
    Houston, TX
    Endorsing Artist: Steak n Shake
    In 20 years a FOIA request will find this thread in the NSA database.

    And yes, this is the best place for advice of this nature.
  18. HaMMerHeD


    May 20, 2005
    Norman, OK
    defuse [dee-fyooz]
    verb (used with object)
    1. to remove the fuze from (a bomb, mine, etc.).

    diffuse [dih-fyooz]
    verb (used with object)
    1. to pour out and spread, as a fluid.
    2. to spread or scatter widely or thinly; disseminate.
    3. Physics. to spread by diffusion.
  19. f.c.geil

    f.c.geil I'm your huckleberry... Supporting Member

    May 12, 2011
    Saint Johns, Michigan
    Which explains my previous response...
  20. zenbanshee


    Jan 28, 2010
    Tolland, CT
    +1 on remove the core. You will need a lead barrier to protect the children from the radiation. Fortunately, you are in a school, so scrape enough paint off of the wall to construct an enclosure for the core.

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