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My Son Got His First Girlfriend!

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by BayStateBass, Mar 13, 2014.


  1. Okay, I have to say I'm pretty impressed. My son now has a cute little "girlfriend" at school. She asked him if he wanted to be her "boyfriend". He's 13. She's 13. They are in the same class, and honestly it's more like a friendship than anything, considering their ages. His dad (me), well....I was a typical school geek who got shot down by every girl until I was about 17, and then quite a few after that.

    I'm really impressed because my son has Asperger's Syndrome, and for those who are not familiar with it, it's a form of Autism. Typically a high-functioning one, but nevertheless, it is an Autism Spectrum Disorder. His unusual quirks and personality typically set him apart from "the pack". For the most part, it has been something that has brought him ridicule and torture. This year, we transferred him to a new school so he's had a fresh start.

    He had his school band concert on Tuesday (he actually plays bass in the Jazz Band even though he loves guitar and hates bass, she is in the school chorus). He was excited because my wife and I could meet her and also meet her mother at the concert, who had some concerns about who this boy was and what his family was like. Turns out....my wife and her mother already knew each other. Evidently, they had gone to high school together and remembered each other, even though we live quite a few town away from where they each grew up. So it was pretty cool. We met the girl, and she's just like my son at first glance; same height, same hair color, skin tone, same type of personality (it seems), they both have braces, etc.... So my son asks me today if he can go bowling with her and her mother on Sunday.

    Shock on my part. And this is where I'm wondering how others view this. My son is only 13. I didn't expect this so soon. Sure, a lot of kids his age have "girlfriends" at school and whatnot, It's bound to happen, and I'm happy for him that at such a young age he's been able to form this type of friendship, but.....is this an appropriate thing for his age?

    I keep tabs on my son. I look at his texts, his online communications, and we talk a lot about a lot of things, or at least I think we do. Is it okay to take him out on, what is in his mind, a "date" at his age? I know it won't be more than just a couple kids getting together and having some fun at a bowling alley with adult supervision, but...

    I guess I'm an old fart. I didn't have my first "date" until I was about 16.

    FWIW, they are a very nice family and the girl seems to be very nice. And at her age, for some reason, she really likes my son, at least as a friend.

    Input?
     
  2. Tony Flow MMMM

    Tony Flow MMMM

    Dec 4, 2012
    Less worrying... Please he's 13 it's normal
     
  3. I'm assuming he's in 7th or 8th grade right now if he's 13. At that age, I was already hanging out at girls' houses, calling them on the phone at night and talking to them for hours at a time, and sometimes I would even steal kisses from them whenever the parental units weren't around.

    At that age, I'd say that sort of "date" is more than appropriate. If anything, it'll be a healthy experience for not only the kids but you parents, too. Your boy is growing up. Just make sure he understands what is expected out of him and that he knows how to properly treat a young lady. Try not to worry too much because he'll be fine :)
     
  4. Hobobob

    Hobobob Don't feed the troll, folks. Supporting Member

    Jan 25, 2011
    Camarillo, CA
    Us guys need as much experience with females as we can get. As long as he's not crossing any boundaries, I say let the puppy love flourish. By the time he's 20 or so, he'll know what he wants and will be better equipped to pick out a real keeper than his contemporaries who only started dating at 16/17/18.
     
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  6. A-Step-Towards

    A-Step-Towards Supporting Member

    Nov 16, 2009
    Los Angeles California
    Just be proud you obviously passed on studly jeans. I had a girl that liked me and pursued me in 7th grade, we lived a street away and my dad just gave me some friendly ribbing about it when he found a letter she wrote me, he is very immature haha. I dont see it as a issue at all, lots of people around that age are sexually active not saying they would be but hopefully he has had some form of the talk and all that.
     
  7. Jazz Ad

    Jazz Ad Mi la ré sol Gold Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Yes it's perfectly normal and the more you stay out of it, the better it is.
    If things carry on, don't forget to leave condoms in his drawer.
     
  8. JennySuzuki

    JennySuzuki

    Dec 18, 2013
    Standby for his first break-up.
     
  9. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Supporting Member

    Congratulations to him! I would just be happy. The date sounds perfectly appropriate - good grief, her mother's going to be there. It's not like he's asking you to drop them off at an opium den.
     
  10. Thanks, guys/gals. I guess I'm an old prude.

    On a good note, I came home from work yesterday, and he had shoveled our entire 300' long driveway (we got snow yesterday), then asked for some money for doing it so he could buy her some snacks on his "date". I happily flipped him a $20.

    I guess I'm cheap, too, eh? :smug:
     
  11. +1
     
  12. Gorn Captain

    Gorn Captain Supporting Member

    Dec 15, 2011
    Queens
    Good for him, but get ready for some post breakup devastation a few months from now. Fortunately he'll get over it in a few days.
     
  13. edpal

    edpal Banned

    Oct 3, 2007
    ^ This.


    OP - my oldest son is 34 and has never had a g/f. Super high I.Q. but his personality will probably never grant him enough emotional energy to have a personal relationship or even pursue one. It's like he's asexual. So long story short - be thankful your son is not more severely afflicted. The social interactions, expectations, acceptance & rejection{eventually, odds are} from a personal relationship is a very positive occurrencefor someone with a spectrum disorder. :cool:
     
  14. edpal

    edpal Banned

    Oct 3, 2007
    Cheap -nah. Kids need to learn about trading services for money and time, and parents are a great start....you ARE going to be driving him for this little hookup, right?:) And the whole chores thing - learning that nobody gets to live for free is great too. You sound like a great dad.

    Your son was probably thinking snow shoveling would help pump up his arms so it was a two-fer getting paid.:hyper: LOL
     
  15. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Minneapolis
    Not as cheap as me. I would've given him five bucks.
     
  16. Yep, I remember what that felt like. Ouch. Part of the learning experience, though.
     
  17. Gorn Captain

    Gorn Captain Supporting Member

    Dec 15, 2011
    Queens
    The first time I had a girlfriend was about this time in the school year in 8th grade. Then summer time rolled around and she gave me the ol' heave-ho. I was devastated for nearly an entire weekend.
     
  18. DerHoggz

    DerHoggz I like cats :| Banned

    Feb 13, 2009
    Western Pennsylvania
    I'm glad you made it through, wouldn't be the same around here without your menacing avatar.
     
  19. I was older when I had my first "girlfriend", really. She dumped me after the prom. I was crushed. My father helped me move on the best way a dad can....

    We spent the weekend putting a new hi-pro camshaft, aluminum intake, and Holley carb (I had saved my pennies and dimes to buy the stuff) in my Camaro.

    I felt much better after that.;)
     
  20. DiabolusInMusic

    DiabolusInMusic Functionless Art is Merely Tolerated Vandalism Gold Supporting Member

    Don't be a **** block dad. ;)

    But yeah, it is bowling with her mom I really don't know what you think is going to happen. That is kids being kids, nothing odd at all.
     
  21. Webskipper

    Webskipper

    Dec 2, 2013
    I got $10 for that driveway. And then half went to my friend for helping me. We were raising money for my first bass.

    My first girlfriend was a cougar. She was 5, I was 3. Think about the maturity difference. Andrea was all legs at that age.

    Then again I was still 3 foot tall. That's why the snow was waist high when I walked uphill to school both ways.

    Long drought after I moved until 7th grade.

    Teach him how to dance and treat a lady properly.