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Recovering Musician - Advice?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous [BG]' started by NorwayMusician, Feb 3, 2014.

  1. NorwayMusician

    NorwayMusician

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2014
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    Hello everyone,

    I am a 23 year old male from Norway. Been playing bass guitar and electric guitar since my early teens, first hooked on 80's rock/metal, and then got the jazz bug when I was 18.

    Honestly I've loved music all my life. I was somewhat of a "child prodigy", I recorded and composed music, playing bass guitar, electric guitar and keyboards at the age of 13.

    I think I took for granted much of the opportunities I have/had... on the other side is/was some kind of depression based on "If I had practiced more" -

    I was kinda good for some time in 2011, before I was admitted to mental hospital. Practiced fretless bass (got an ibanez roadgear with 50'flats on a raised bridge), there was *some* power- I practiced several hours a week.

    Though, I've never been extreme enough. It should be no problem to live off red wine and a good sound, and practice eight f'in hours a day. I can't read notes. I suck at many things others are good at.

    But right now, high on drugs, with my bass on my lap, I can actually play a song so well that I mind listening to it. I'm learning to understand what is important. Without my friends and colleagues I couldn't play a note.


    Today I'm a diagnosed mental patient with a slight drug addiction. I've misused methamphetamines the last years, and I tell you- it takes some serious action to swing so hard that you satisfy the urges. Maybe that's a good thing.

    (Had to delete some stimulant induced rambling.)

    So.
    I got one gig going for me this year, and it's the local music celebration/scene where everyone is able to perform.

    It's either gonna be some halfway-obscene stuff going on with my electric bass, all solo, or a collaboration with a professional female singer, with me on acoustic guitar.

    The clue is to go, but go slow (as a friend of mine sang). To call myself a musician again means that I have to approve of my own playing and own self- I do not accept half-assed ****, unhealthy things, lies, that kind of yada yada.



    I - and everyone else for that matter - Have the right to ... I can't find the words - "be loved by god" - John Coltrane preaches it all the time. Shame about my drug abuse- but (i'm not stopping doing drugs, I'm just gonna stop abusing em).



    Hate me for saying this, but I think Jaco was no more than ordinary. I despise upright players who use amplification though they could be more than loud enough had they cared. Music on the radio today is barely music. The best musicians, I believe, are not famous and they should be famous only if they provide a "health" benefit for people and other listeners.

    I get easily frustrated if my playing is not up to par, and used to combat this with exercise, doing just 8th notes or so for extended time. It frustrates me that an electric bass needs amplification/electricity to perform, and that I've not yet gotten hold of an upright. I smashed my electric guitar to pieces because I was afraid I had stopped caring about playing.


    So, on one side, I'm a "halfway shaman - ugh I mean Jazz'er" doing his thing, on the other side I'm a "mental patient" (oh f* off) with no excuse.

    I remind a time I was walking down the street, when I suddently got "the blues" and started singing

    "I'm going down to the buisness
    To fill her with my need"

    All i could

    behind me walked an old jazz man :D

    I wish I had a cat here, to approve of the music. They hear (and dogs aswell) something "beneath" that can't be measured by any instrument, the essence of what makes music "music" in that degree.



    Anyone on this forum wish to get in touch, please. Atleast I will be honest.
  2. Stumbo

    Stumbo Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Feb 11, 2008
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    Mental Illness with self-medication is not a recipe for success in music or life in general.

    I know this due to trying to help my brother over the last 40 years.

    Your country has easy access to health care. Please get professional help.

    Good luck.

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