It's been about a month and a half since my mom very suddenly and very unexpectedly passed away. We've been trying to keep on keeping on since. My dad has been staying at my house since mom passed, but he goes home for a few hours each day to check on mail and keep things in order around the house. This afternoon my brother and I were at band practice and I got a text from dad saying he was at home and had a flat in the driveway and he asked if we could stop by and help him change the tire after practice. We did and after putting all the tools and stuff away I went in to wash my hands. I called my son to come and do the same. Then I looked at the kitchen table. My mother's glasses were sitting right where she would always leave them. I got a lump in my throat. Then I looked up and saw a little tin sign she had on the wall that says "Mom's Kitchen. We're ALWAYS open." That's when I lost it. It hit me that as an adult whenever I needed to talk to her we'd talk at that table. Her favorite coffee mug was there. Her glasses were there. But no one was sitting in her chair. I wanted so badly to reach out and hug her. I crumbled to my knees and just sobbed. My son came and put his arms around me and his eyes welled up and he said "Daddy, I miss grandma, too." We cried a bit and he went back outside with my brother. I ran into my dad again in the living room and I asked him how he really is doing. He said, "It's tough and some days are harder than others, but we gotta keep on." He said staying with us has helped him a lot. I told him that our door is open to him as long as he needs it. He said "I know. I can feel it." I asked what he meant. He said the kids are always happy to see me around and my wife always opens her arms to him. He said he feels welcome and at peace with us. That's when I realized there is still even more grace and beauty and love and compassion I'm discovering about my wife. I'm not really looking for anything with this post, I guess. Tonight was just extremely emotional for me and I guess I just had to release. I doubt I'll sleep tonight, though. I've gotten too much going on in my head.