You have been warned

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Indiana Mike, Jan 15, 2014.


  1. Indiana Mike

    Indiana Mike

    Joined:
    Nov 18, 2005
  2. tplyons

    tplyons

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2003
    Location:
    Madison, NJ
    As soon as I saw sugarless I knew what it was all about.

    I've made that mistake once. Only once.
  3. DerHoggz

    DerHoggz I like cats :| Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2009
    Location:
    Western Pennsylvania
    It sounds too bad to be true. I may need to "forget" a bag in my friends' dorm.
  4. msact

    msact Gold Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2013
    Location:
    Bucks Co, PA
    The regular Haribo gummy bears are bad enough. I can't imagine what those are like.
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  6. TheAnalogKid

    TheAnalogKid Yer Doin' GREAT!!!! Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2011
    Location:
    Seattle, WA
    Yeah, any confection that is sugar-free will result in explosive diarrhea when eaten in large quantities. That's a no-brainer.

    But the Amazon reviews were good reading, nonetheless.
  7. chris1125

    chris1125

    Joined:
    May 14, 2007
    Makes me want to buy them for some of my enemies.... and proffessors
  8. petrus61

    petrus61 Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2011
    Location:
    Earth
    If you don't like Haribo gummy bears, it may be time to reevaluate what exactly it is you consider a "good" gummy bear.
  9. msact

    msact Gold Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jan 8, 2013
    Location:
    Bucks Co, PA
    I tried them once a few years ago in a hotel in Munich. They tasted like rubber. That's the last I time I went near them.
  10. petrus61

    petrus61 Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2011
    Location:
    Earth
    Blasphemy
  11. ridethespiral

    ridethespiral Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2011
    Location:
    Edmonton, AB, Canada
    LOL some of those reviews are absolutely golden!

    I need a bag of these for a certain someone :bag:
  12. MatticusMania

    MatticusMania LANA! HE REMEMBERS ME!

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2008
    Location:
    Pomona, SoCal
    Haribo Gummy Bears aint got nothign on these bad boys...

    [​IMG]
  13. JFOC

    JFOC

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2010
    Location:
    The Shire
    Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

    First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

    BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

    Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

    But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

    AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

    I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.

    I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.

    Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.

    Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.

    If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.
    :eek:
  14. Bloodhammer

    Bloodhammer Twinkle Twinkle Black Star Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2009
    Location:
    Shreveport, Louisiana
  15. MonetBass

    MonetBass ♪ Just listen ♫ Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2006
    Location:
    Tulsa, OK
    If you have time to read all 411 reviews on Amazon, there's some comedy gold in there. My stomach still hurts from laughing so hard.
  16. tylerwylie

    tylerwylie Supporting Member

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2008
    Location:
    Champaign, IL
    I've lived it unfortunately. And my old boss. And I got a friend to try it out too. Not the haribo gummy bears but other sugar free candy. I wonder what a maltitol milkshake will do to someone who's lactose intolerant.
  17. Riverrunsred

    Riverrunsred

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2010
    Location:
    Central FL
    Pure comedy gold.
  18. kasanovakarl

    kasanovakarl

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2005
    Location:
    Youngstown, Ohio
    There are quite a few great reviews on Amazon. If you have the time, read a few. Quite funny.
  19. Guiseppe

    Guiseppe

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2003
    Location:
    Vancouver, WA
    Ow. My sides and face HURT from uncontrolled laughter...
  20. ShredderMaximus

    ShredderMaximus

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2007
    Location:
    Close enough to San Fran
    One of my all time favorite munchies when I've been spending time with Mary Jane. Omnomnomnomnom.
  21. champbassist

    champbassist

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2007
    Location:
    New Delhi, India
    Indeed - that was one of the best online product reviews I've ever read. Possibly second only to a user called 'mrkstvns' on epinions.com - his 1-star hotel/resort reviews will stay etched in my memory forever :D

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