101 ways to kill boredom on the road

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by dreadheadbass, Jan 13, 2009.

  1. dreadheadbass

    dreadheadbass Guest

    Dec 17, 2007
    being in a band is about rock n roll,
    about parties that last for days,
    about women, uninhibited sex, drugs, alcohol and living the dream
    and not to mention the feeling of invincibilty of being onstage knowing your music is the reason those two blokes at the front spannered on special brew are dancing
    truley we are gods among men!!

    sadly its also about the heavy lifting of amps, the tedious sound checks with the little hitler soundman, the stale urine soaked hotel rooms with semen stains on the curtians and of course the many many many hours of boredom on the road

    so here is the 2009 anti boredom road survival guide for bands!!!

    post your life saving tips (tip)
    post your favourite pranks (prank)
    post your top stratagy for not strangling your drummer with his sock (strat)
    post your money saving and recycling tips (money)
    post you games and road challenges

    i'll start with one of each so you get the idea

    1: (tip) on cold days the tour van's windows will steam up giving you plenty of canvas to play 0's and x's, connect 4 or even monopoly

    2: (prank) a handfull of flour inbetween the drummers hi hats when he's not looking will provide laughs and a quick game of "dodge the drumstick"

    3: (strat) shaving a band members eyebrows off will take away his ability to frown or look angry thus ending band arguments and disputes for about 3 weeks

    4: (money) keep your food on top of your valves durin a gig and occasionaly spit on it hey presto you have authentic takeaway food at half the price

    5: (game) see who can keep wearing the same shirt for each gig without washing it and still pick up chicks
  2. sedan_dad

    sedan_dad Supporting Member

    Feb 5, 2006
    I duck taped our harp player to the hardwood floor he was sleeping on.

    I enjoyed farting next to the drummer then strolling away.

    Shopping in the Salvation Army stores in small towns.
  3. dreadheadbass

    dreadheadbass Guest

    Dec 17, 2007
    (money) underpants can be turned inside out to double the life and half dry cleaning bills

    (prank) itching powder on toilet roll is a great way of bonding with your fellow bandmates

    (tip) when a band member passes out in the van on a drive back from a gig there's a great game called "buckaroo" whereby you take it in turns to balance random objects on him as soon as one of them falls off the last player to place an item must wake the band member up and confess to putting every peice of junk on him
  4. superfunk47


    Sep 9, 2007
    Tip: Never use the water from the gas station bathroom sinks. Don't drink it, don't wash your hands with it, don't touch the sink at all. I've seen colors coming out of those faucets I've never seen anywhere else in my life :meh:

    Prank: Leave small parts of a fish in various hiding spots in your guitarists suitcase. He'll smell the stank, but won't be able to find the source (provided you're good at hiding things). Just make sure you're riding in a car other than the one he's in :p

    Strategy: Rotate who loads in whose gear from night to night. Watch your singer squirm ;)

    Money: Have a competition to see who can come up with the best tasting meal with a $10 (or whatever) cap for the whole band.
  5. dreadheadbass

    dreadheadbass Guest

    Dec 17, 2007
    there actually both very very good idea's good work

    (prank) ziptie a band members thumbs and toes together while he sleeps then slap him till he wakes up and trys to chase you

    (tip) keep all documents and personal belongings together in a locked case this will cut down on mobiles going missing and keys getting lost

    (game) laxative roulete take 3 or 4 cups of coffee or beer and add laxative to one then randomy mix them up and share them between the band this game works well with the itching powder on toilet roll game
  6. mrkreuzschlitz

    mrkreuzschlitz Guest

    Jun 30, 2008
    Dacula, GA
    (prank) rotate shanking (pulling someone's pants down) different members in waffle house or other all night diners. make a bet with one other person just right before you do it as to who wears underwear or not.
  7. TheGrizz


    Nov 19, 2007
    Athol, MA
    Sponsored Artist: Free Idea Clothing
    TheGrizz' Tour Tips

    1. Buy unscented (or scented if your prefer) baby wipes for those days that you don't get a shower. Wipe yourself down and change your clothes...I swear you'll feel like a new man.

    2. If you have an iPod try this game:

    Step 1: Pick a restriction for the songs that will be played (i.e. certain genres, years released, etc)
    Step 2: Have everyone take turns picking songs
    Step 3: Punish anyone who fall outside of the parameters accordingly

    3.Ask locals where you can get good food for cheap. Denny's and Waffle Houses get old real quick.

    4.Sleep as much as you can. Also, air mattresses or large pieces of foam will make the worst floor that much more comfy.

    5. Dunkin Donuts (and similar establishments) will generally throw away their baked goods twice a day. Once at noon, and once between Midnight and 3. They will usually hook you up if you're charming enough.

    The Grizz' Tour Pranks:

    1. Use the donuts you scored as projectiles. Signs, cars, and other bands vans you may be touring with are all fantastic targets. Filled donuts are usually best.

    2. C-blocking...only if you're a true tool:scowl:

    3. If you're at a convenience store place a large amount of mayo on a paper plate, place said plate in a microwave, set the microwave for a few minutes...Stick around for the stench or run like heck.
  8. Stumbo

    Stumbo Guest

    Feb 11, 2008
    Use the wipies every time you drop a deuce. You'll be much more comfortable the whole day.

    Keep your internal stink in check: have handy some Imodium (runs), GAsX and Zantac (heartburn) around.

    Keep down the stink from clothes: Febreeze

    Keep your personal stink down: trim your pits/groin to 1/4 inch. Helps deodorant last longer.
    Also, no rinse shower gel is available (lather, towel dry) http://www.modernoutpost.com/gear/details/nr_no_rinse.php Camping supply stores/websites have lots of item applicable to car travel.

    Keep your food hot: cooking in the engine compartment

    Keep your food from stinking: keep things cold with a portable plug-in cooler.

    Travel tips: http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/508683

    If you drink too much, drink a lot of water to pee out the alcohol and stay hydrated. http://www.ehow.com/video_116943_rid-hangover.html

    Keep a log book of money received, spent, mileage, gas money paid, etc so a proper tax return can be prepared for everyone and so everyone also knows "where the money" went.

    Make sure you have a good spare tire that is inflated properly and also carry some FixFlat and tire plugs (know how to use them). Maybe a micro-compressor would be good to.
  9. Revvv


    Oct 31, 2007
    Pranks and myself don't get along well. If touring with or around me, remember that. You don't want to start a war I get to finish. It's all fun and games until I get pissed off and push you out of the bus at 70mph because you messed with me while I was sleeping.

    As for tips: make sure you always have a bit of cash on hand.

    Always know where you are going so you can plan things between shows if time permits.

    Again, keep a record of all monetary transactions. This will help you spend less.
  10. Zappstorius

    Zappstorius Guest

    Oct 20, 2006
    San Francisco Bay Area
    How could you be on tour for months on end without pranking?
  11. FissioN

    FissioN Guest

    Jan 17, 2009
    Here's an interesting game I can up with:

    At the nearest supermarket, purchase a watermelon (or another breakable melon), and then a hammer at the hardware store. After you've done that, take turns getting on the roof of your tour van (if you're using one) and see who can smash a melon the most effectively...while the van is moving. Good luck with that one, and I take no responsibility if anyone tries this. :bag:
  12. Jehos


    Mar 22, 2006
    DFW, TX
    Same here. I've got a good sense of humor up to a point, but with pranks it's funny until it turns violent.
  13. John Wentzien

    John Wentzien

    Jun 25, 2007
    Elberta, AL
    Artist:TC Electronic RH450 bass system (original test-pilot)
    "Short-Sheet" the drummer's bed every night....They will fall for it every time, no matter how many times you do it.
  14. Spinal Tapper

    Spinal Tapper

    Nov 15, 2007
    I have a game that's fun - we had an old Chevy van that had no lining on the interior roof and in the summer it would get SUPER HOT! So for those of us sitting in the back, we'd play "Power Up!".

    You say, "one, two, three, Power Up!" and everyone puts their index finger to the inside roof and see who can hold it the longest until it burns. Each round only lasts about 5 seconds, but it's damn fun! Either that or we were REALLY bored...

    Obviously, I'd win almost every time because of my sweet bass player calluses!
  15. Rich600

    Rich600 Guest

    Nov 22, 2004
    Prank - Antiquing is always fun, fistful of flour, sleeping singer, yknow the deal.

    Tip - If you have the body, or confidence, play your gigs topless, saves a sweaty tshirt.

    Tip - Make sure you have an appropriately stocked toolkit, screwdrivers, batteries, duct tape, you know the deal again.

    Tip - Bring a pillow, it will save your neck if you have to sleep on a hard surface.

    Prank - Tie a fellow member from head to toe in duct tape.

    Game - Cider hands, tape a bottle of cider to each hand, or drink of choice that comes in a large bottle, no less that a 70cl or litre, no one pee's until they've finished both bottles.

    Prank - Fill a band members socks with itching powder, breadcrumbs works too.

    Prank - If you're lucky enough to have a tour bus with a toilet, put ketchup/mayo sachets under the toilet seat, with the pressure of someone sitting on the seat, they explode, inwards or out!

    That's all I got for now!
  16. B4snrise

    B4snrise Guest

    Nov 26, 2007
    Essential - It really sucks at the end of a road trip when you and your mates are getting pissed thinking you could have gotten jobs and made more money. :crying: Know where the money went because it is YOUR money too.

    This alone will keep the band leader / van owner from mysteriously disappearing along a lonely stretch of highway on a dark rainy night while traveling between gigs. (think Goodfella's opening scene) :ninja: :p :D

    (tip) Never take checks from bars, especially on out of town gigs.

    (tip) Always have a written contract for your performance including times, pay, what is supplied, etc. This way no one gets surprised when you arrive at the venue.

    (tip) Try to find out the festival promoter's definition of "backline provided." This can mean vastly different things to different promoters from "I practice through a bigger amp..." to "holy mother of..., did you rob 3 music stores to get all this?!"
  17. Continental breakfasts can mean a free after-gig meal, breakfast, and even lunch if you plan it right. Sadly, I often buy a jar of peanut butter and loaf of bread to keep my food budget down too. It's good for at least one meal a day or a last minute breakfast no matter how sick of it you get.

    Sleep as much as humanly possible in the van, and bring a pillow to make it more comfortable. The population is pretty spread out up here, so drives of 8-24 hours are not uncommon.

    Make sure you take time to walk around for an hour or two in every town to see the sights, however bleak they are. It makes you feel more at home and it makes places a lot more memorable and enjoyable than if you just sat at the club and hotel.

    Befriend the bar staff. They are a source of free late-night, well, just about anything if you play your cards right.
  18. Kareir

    Kareir Guest

    Nov 24, 2008
    (tip): Take care of the drummer, they're not all that bright :rollno:

    (Prank): [and my personal best ever]. When someone is DEEP asleep/Passed out drunk, get the other band members to hold him upsidedown against the wall, then apply a LOT of duct tape. Wait until morning.

    (Prank): Switch the songs on a band members iPod/CD changer/Walkman to solid Hillary Duff, Christina Aguilara and Fall Out Boy.

    (Game): tie something breakable (melons are good) to the back of the car, and bet on how long it takes to break :p

  19. -Bring a fishing rod and your tackle box on the road withyou... it's a great way to spend the day, enjoy the outdoors, get a tan and heck, you might get lucky and pick up a fresh meal!
  20. dj150888

    dj150888 Guest

    Feb 25, 2008
    Belfast, Ireland

    Did something similar with a pumpkin, wasn't standing on the roof, was hanging out the sunroof. It wasn't as pleasant as you think having the wind attempting to break your face as you're pushing 70mph