20 Years in the Same Band and I (still) have No Clout!

[51PRI]

Now he has backed out of sitting in with us, stating a church conflict...

If the BL's mate needs cash, the BL should just give him some cash. It isn't the bands problem at all.

It would've been hard NO from me, even if it appeared settled between the BL & guitarist already. I'd go without the $100.

Right. Moot point now, but IF he needs cash this badly he could play in the band again full time, not just for one showcase type gig.

Personally, I don't see how you've been "dressed down" at all.

I felt dressed down.

Why doesn't the BL just help the guy out on his own and not involve the band? You know, like an actual friend would do?

Agreed. If someone is so concerned about "a friend's" welfare just give them some cash instead of potentially messing up band chemistry for ONE gig, which doesn't really pay all that much.

"Crisis" averted, though, it looks like.

 

[wintremute]

Sometimes the ability of adults to not be able to communicate astonishes me.

I'll watch a movie, or a show, and the whole premise of the drama hinges around the unbelievable plot point of someone not telling another person some "important" information. Then I hear from the real world and realize it is sadly believable.

Good luck with your band and any future Crisis.

 

[waynobass]

Why on earth would you want to play keyboards instead of bass?!?

 

[Pocket Dave]

You provided your opinion, got no resounding support and now feel dressed down. How does that work for you?

I've personally provided you my own opinions in similar threads; Usually no response to the core ideas I've suggested, or no response at all. Do you feel like you're dressing me down? I'm guessing probably not (if so, that's on you and not my rodeo, not my clowns).

Problem with having expectations of bandmates vs acceptance of them for who they are, warts and all, is expectations are usually just premeditated resentments.

I accept that my opinion is probably not shared by my bandmates and just move on from there.

Maybe they felt I was overworking a solution when a simpler one was desired, maybe they're simply past their daily bandwidth-budget for my bulls***, maybe they just don't have an opinion; For whatever reason, they chose not to voice their thoughts on my suggestion. Where does it say they owe me that? Personally, I don't have to engage in every discussion, just like I don't have to participate in every argument invitation.

I prefer working on personal boundaries rather than expectations over that which I've got no control. Sometimes I'll even tell you "We're not going to discuss that" as part of my boundaries. Why let that s*** crawl in and rattle around in my head?

Again, not my rodeo, not my clowns.

 

[Eric Wolfe]

Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter………..

Strokin' to the east....

 

[LiptonJigglers]

Clearly, the title of the post suggests that after 20 years of living under these conditions, you understand these conditions well enough to know your role or status within these conditions.


Thus, the question must be asked; "Why did you go against what the conditions dictate (the only "weird" aspect of your predicament) and what else did you expect by doing so?"

At very least, the reality of the conditions and the part you play within them have been reaffirmed.

 

[gln1955]

If I read this all correctly, it sounds like the BL was trying to help out a friend without making it into a charity case from the friends perspective. Everyone seemed OK with that, Then you had to bring another mouth to feed to the table without an underlying good dded to support it. What kind of response did you expect?

You really seem to spend a lot of emotional energy finding things to be unhappy about with this band.

 

[51PRI]

Clearly, the title of the post suggests that after 20 years of living under these conditions, you understand these conditions well enough to know your role or status within these conditions.


Thus, the question must be asked; "Why did you go against what the conditions dictate (the only "weird" aspect of your predicament) and what else did you expect by doing so?"

At very least, the reality of the conditions and the part you play within them have been reaffirmed.

If I read this all correctly, it sounds like the BL was trying to help out a friend without making it into a charity case from the friends perspective. Everyone seemed OK with that, Then you had to bring another mouth to feed to the table without an underlying good dded to support it. What kind of response did you expect?

You really seem to spend a lot of emotional energy finding things to be unhappy about with this band.

I really didn't mind him playing. However, if $100 from a gig is a life changing thing for him...if he's in THAT bad financially...float him a loan or just give him some cash. Apparently, since he dropped out of the gig anyway, the $100 wasn't that big of a deal to him.

As far as getting our old bass player to play, we have done that several, if not many, times over the years. He's a really good bass player, for one thing, and secondly it frees me up to play keys, which is what I was hired to play in the band in the first place. Having keys gives the band a fuller and more complex sound, rather than just two guitars, bass and drums. And, like I said, it would have been recreating that time we all drove together out of state to open for a famous musician. And BTW the set in guy was not in the band at that time, either.

It didn't work out anyway.

 

[MultiScaleMale]

Your interpretation of events is probably much different than what I read from your version. But if you feel like you have no clout after 20 years, you really only have yourself to blame. Clout is taken and rarely given unless they want you to take the fall for something.

 

[pepj]

If the gig has any kudos then gtr better really bring a good game to do any more that 3 numbers. I agree, there must be a better way to help out this guy without turning the whole band inside out.
Once again, I just don't get any sense this BL has any sort of clue because its just one drama after another..?

 

[pepj]

To catch up... I wouldn't be in a band where I had no opinion and had so many things that just don't seem to work. 20 yrs...????

 

[thetaxmiser]

I have to say, after all the threads you've posted, this sounds like a toxic situation. Maybe time to look for a different gig? Life is too short for all the sturm und drang.

 

[Jazzdogg]

You provided your opinion, got no resounding support and now feel dressed down. How does that work for you?

I've personally provided you my own opinions in similar threads; Usually no response to the core ideas I've suggested, or no response at all. Do you feel like you're dressing me down? I'm guessing probably not (if so, that's on you and not my rodeo, not my clowns).

Problem with having expectations of bandmates vs acceptance of them for who they are, warts and all, is expectations are usually just premeditated resentments.

I accept that my opinion is probably not shared by my bandmates and just move on from there.

Maybe they felt I was overworking a solution when a simpler one was desired, maybe they're simply past their daily bandwidth-budget for my bulls***, maybe they just don't have an opinion; For whatever reason, they chose not to voice their thoughts on my suggestion. Where does it say they owe me that? Personally, I don't have to engage in every discussion, just like I don't have to participate in every argument invitation.

I prefer working on personal boundaries rather than expectations over that which I've got no control. Sometimes I'll even tell you "We're not going to discuss that" as part of my boundaries. Why let that s*** crawl in and rattle around in my head?

Again, not my rodeo, not my clowns.

The road to disappointment is paved with unrealistic expectations..

 

[Low End Scum]

I don't think this has anything to do with clout. I guess without context it feels like BL didn't just didn't want to field a bunch of different ideas of what to do. On the one hand, I agree. I hate when a plan comes into question and there's always that one person at least who has 4 different hair brain ideas that aren't thought out and will flip flop between them. On the other hand, it seems like you made a minor suggestion and BL decided not to do the L part and give any info other than "y'all do what you're going to do". Just difference in communication

 

[turf3]

SS, DD.

WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

 

[pepj]

The road to disappointment is paved with unrealistic expectations..

It's a balance for sure, but you need everyone on the same page. Same musical level, same ball park committment of direction etc, and you need to be determined not to tolerate things that don't cut it.
Ever wonder why BL's put themself up for all the associated grief....its all about control ..which might be worth the trade-off if the BL is a) worth his place musically, and b) his main remit is to do stuff that helps the whole band head in the direction of being the best version they can be.

Too many don't get close, imv... which is why we almost never work an out and out BL...

 

[rtslinger]

We have people come up on occasion, but rarely if ever do we split the check with them. And only people we know, not some random person who claims to be a Rock God. As for your situation, you threw against the wall to see if it would stick. BL decision is the one you have to live with. If you looking for clout, become a BL. or play the hand you are dealt.