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A death in the family...

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by haxality, Mar 21, 2006.

  1. haxality


    Feb 14, 2006
    Hey all, I haven't been a member of TB all that long, but from the posts I've read here I've noticed most bassists seem to share a certain personality. It's hard to describe, but I feel like I have a certain kinship here. Anyways, on to my point, my mother just recently passed away, and it's quite a shock. I was just wondering what advice some of my bass-playing bretheren might have about heavy stuff like this. Thanks in advance for reading, and if you feel up to it, replying.
  2. Wow. I'm so very sorry for you. That kind of thing hits incredibly hard. I wish there WAS some advice I could give you, but there really isn't. Everyone has to deal with a thing like this in their own way. But hang in there, you'll get through this. Let your music help. It's done wonders for the (comparatively) minor things in my life.

    Rock on
  3. Oxblood

    Oxblood Banned

    Apr 17, 2005
    Baltimore, MD
    Here at TB there are defiently tons of people who will try and comfort you, and make you get through these hards times the best they can. It's really a great community here without a lot of caring folk. Im so sorry about your mother passing away. Things will get better though, trust me. I experienced my first funeral a month ago and wow, what a real blow to the head. I never knew it was going to be like and hurt so bad, atleast I had the honor of being a paul bearer.

    I know you probably think what im saying is pure crap, because its coming from a 16 year old, but the death of my grandma was very heavy and hard to deal with. I wish you the best of luck with this and I hope everything turns out for the best. :)
  4. haxality


    Feb 14, 2006
    Goose, I don't know why I'd take the word of a 16 year old for granted, seeing as how I'm only 19. The world moves pretty fast sometimes...
  5. I'm so sorry for your loss. (I hate that phrase, but there's nothing much else to say.) My mom's still with us, but I'm not sure just what I'll do when she passes. It will hit me hard and I really feel for you right now. I just lost my aunt, (Mom's sister), last December, and it was pretty tough. Plus, I'm executor of the estate. When my Dad passed, it was really tough. All I can say is "ride it out". It will be a little easier to comprehend as you go along. For now; grieve. Don't hold it in.

    Take care and all my prayers are with you tonight.

  6. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    San Jose, CA
    Sorry for your lose dude.

    Every one has different way of dealing with things. I don't think there is right or wrong but I think you just have to find it whatever it is. When I lost someone close to me at first I felt bad for way I dealt with it but in the end it made sense. To me it’s like they never left, I still remember all the great things about them as well as little stupid fights we had that after a while seems so little and ridicules that it’s just funny. Even after many years sometimes I feel very strongly like they will walk through a door and slap me on my head with a smile. It's a weird way of dealing with things but I think it works as that person is not entirely gone and still comes back to make me smile once in a while. I think that’s exactly a person I would want to be after I am gone.
  7. tappingtrance

    tappingtrance Cooke Harvey Supporting Member

    Jul 27, 2005
    I can relate losing my mom at a early age, I'm too am very sorry for your loss - advice - tak time to mourn or recognize your feelings, help others too who may have had the loss [sibs, your Dad, friends of your mom] it is a shared and personal situation. As mentioned use your music and realize you need to eventually move on - your will always think of her - and that is ok.

  8. kserg


    Feb 20, 2004
    San Jose, CA

    That actually helped me dealing with myself as well.
  9. I am truely sorry man, my heart goes out to you.
    My best friend lost his mother last May, he was only 20 at the time and I know how rough this can be.
    Honestly, I think the key thing to do is not to let it engulf you. Spend time with your family and loved ones, comfort anyone who needs it and don't forget about your own feelings either, they must be heavy right now.
    But remember: Something this big can easily become an emotionally/mentally crippling event. It's best if you try to just get on with life and make the best of it.
    And trust me, I'm not trying to play down the severity of your loss. I know and fully understand that it's a huge blow for anyone to lose a parent. But my point is that you shouldn't let it get you TOO down in the dumps.
    When things are sorted out and settled down, try to get on with life as normal. It's gonna be hard for a while, but in the long run the best thing you can do is just not get hung up on it.
    Sorry if I'm coming across as insensitive, but the best thing for you is to keep going. Remember these words that my father gave me in a time of hardship: "When life pushes you down, just push right back, even harder."
    Sorry again, and best wishes to you and yours.
  10. MJ5150

    MJ5150 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Apr 12, 2001
    Olympia, WA
    Sorry to hear bro. For me, I do not find comfort in music at times like this.

  11. haxality


    Feb 14, 2006
    Thanks, all. And no worries, Mikey, I definitely understand what you're trying to say. It's tough to put into words, I know.
  12. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    Unfortunately, I know what you're going through. The only thing that works in these situations is time. Sorry for your lost. I lost my mom in '92.
  13. Hax -

    Trust me, it isn't easy to lose a parent, at 16 or 60. I lost my mom almost a year ago, at 41, and I still go to pick up the phone and call her from time to time, to ask advice, tell her a joke (she LOVED humor), or just shoot the breeze...then realize...she's not there any longer.


    Time helps, but never quite completely heals the hole in your life.

    I really feel badly for my father, they'd been together constantly since 1957, and he seemed lost for a while. Then he went through Katrina, and lost the home they'd been in since 1969....and everything that they'd had together....

    ...ok, sorry y'all, I'm not tryin' to take over Hax's thread, but it just brought the past year all back up...the amazing thing, and the point of it all is that some incredibly good things have happened to me in the past year as well, and despite the loss you suffer when losing a parent, you have to live in the present as well - that's what they would want, for you to keep living, and be happy!

    Sometimes I wish mom were still here to share in my happiness, but I'm ok knowing that if she were here, she would be thrilled for me, and that would make her happy. So, Hax, go out, live your live with happiness, because that's exactly what your mom would want you to do! :)
  14. haxality


    Feb 14, 2006
    Gard, don't worry about hijacking my thread. I think it's pretty cathartic to discuss past experiences. If anyone else has any personal experience they want to get out, by all means, go ahead. Once again, thanks everyone who has posted so far, and the numerous others who have read this thread.
  15. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta (Grant Park!)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    Gard, your dad should enter a World's Strongest Man contest, because surviving all of that, beats the hell out of pulling a bus any day! I hope he's good.
  16. Bob Clayton

    Bob Clayton valar morghulis Staff Member Supporting Member

    Aug 14, 2001
    Philly Suburbs
    sorry to hear man
  17. d8g3jdh

    d8g3jdh Guest

    Aug 9, 2005
    My condolences.
  18. +1 on the advice: Things will get easier with time.

    I also lost my mother in '92.

    I'm very sorry to hear about your mom, haxality.

    Mike :(
  19. The old man is still kickin' @$$ and takin' names...he's made outta tougher stuff than anyone I've ever known, honestly. He always has been, no matter what happens, he cruises right through and never loses his sense of humor, or irreverent attitude.

    I strive to match his strength and kindness. I'm close on being a smart@$$.

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