A duck walks into a bar...

Troll. Lol.

Thanks. I needed that this morning.

 

a black guy, a white guy and a hispanic walk into a bar........



























they all wish you were a little less racist

 

A man walks into a bar, completely naked, with a duck sitting on his head. The barman says, "Hey Oscar, what happened?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Brian" said the duck.

 

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Hey bartender, got any scotch?" The bartender says "Get outta here- we don't serve your kind." The duck leaves, but returns the next evening, and again asks "Hey bartender, got any scotch?" Bartender says "I told you yesterday we don't serve your kind- get the he** outta here, and if you ask me again I'm gonna nail your feet to the bar!!!" Sure enough the duck comes back the next day. He says "Hey bartender- got any nails?" The bartender, infuriated, screams "No I haven't got any nails- for the last time, get the he** out of here!!!!!" Duck says "OK- got any scotch?"

 

A prostitute walks into a bar with a duck on a leash.
The bartender screams "GET THAT PIG OUTTA HERE!"
The prostitute says "That's not a pig. it's a duck!"
Bartender says "I was talking to the duck!!"

 

Guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head.
Bartender asks "How did that happen?"
The frog says "I don't know, it started out as a wart on my ass!"

 

A skeleton walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "Give me a beer and a mop".

 

Ethanol walks into a bar.
He's an alcohol and it's ruining his family.

 

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

 

A zebra walks into a bar and says to the bartender

Has my brother been in here?

The bartneder says:

I don't know - what does he look like.

 

WC Fields walks into bar and asks the bartender - "Was I in here last night and did I spend a 20 dollar bill?"

The bartender (played by Shemp Howard) says - Yes.

WC Fields says - "What load that is off my mind - I thought I'd lost it"

 

Three Irish guys walk out of a bar,.......hey,..it could happen!

 

A neutron goes into a bar. He has a few drinks, gets up and gets ready to leave. he asks the bartender how much he owes. The bartender says "No charge."

 

for the win...


a bassist walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a while the bartender says, I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.

 

and says, "get everybody a drink and put it on my bill."

 

So a baby seal walks into a club.

 

a preist, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar.

the bartender looks up and says, "is this a joke?"

 

oh DAAAAAM!

 

Two atoms walking down the street. One starts going through his pockets with a puzzled expression.

"What's the matter?" asks his companion.
"I think I've lost an electron" is the reply.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive."