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A duck walks into a bar...

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by caeman, Oct 4, 2010.

  1. caeman

    caeman The Root Master

    Sep 17, 2008
    ..and yells, "Ouch!", while rubbing his head.

    (Sorry, felt the need to break up the static with something inane yet harmless)
  2. Troll. Lol.

    Thanks. I needed that this morning.
  3. brickerenator


    May 12, 2010
    a black guy, a white guy and a hispanic walk into a bar........

    they all wish you were a little less racist

  4. Buchada Azeda

    Buchada Azeda

    Mar 25, 2009
    A man walks into a bar, completely naked, with a duck sitting on his head. The barman says, "Hey Oscar, what happened?"

    "You wouldn't believe me if I told you, Brian" said the duck.
  5. A duck walks into a bar and says, "Hey bartender, got any scotch?" The bartender says "Get outta here- we don't serve your kind." The duck leaves, but returns the next evening, and again asks "Hey bartender, got any scotch?" Bartender says "I told you yesterday we don't serve your kind- get the he** outta here, and if you ask me again I'm gonna nail your feet to the bar!!!" Sure enough the duck comes back the next day. He says "Hey bartender- got any nails?" The bartender, infuriated, screams "No I haven't got any nails- for the last time, get the he** out of here!!!!!" Duck says "OK- got any scotch?"
  6. A prostitute walks into a bar with a duck on a leash.
    The bartender screams "GET THAT PIG OUTTA HERE!"
    The prostitute says "That's not a pig. it's a duck!"
    Bartender says "I was talking to the duck!!"
  7. Guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head.
    Bartender asks "How did that happen?"
    The frog says "I don't know, it started out as a wart on my ass!"
  8. Yerf Dog

    Yerf Dog

    Jun 29, 2009
    Carol Stream, IL
    A skeleton walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "Give me a beer and a mop".
  9. AcidFripp


    Jul 12, 2010
    Ethanol walks into a bar.
    He's an alcohol and it's ruining his family.
  10. Slax


    Nov 5, 2007
    Long Island, NY
    A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"
  11. oldrocker

    oldrocker Supporting Member

    Feb 13, 2005
    Long Island, NY
    A zebra walks into a bar and says to the bartender

    Has my brother been in here?

    The bartneder says:

    I don't know - what does he look like.
  12. oldrocker

    oldrocker Supporting Member

    Feb 13, 2005
    Long Island, NY
    WC Fields walks into bar and asks the bartender - "Was I in here last night and did I spend a 20 dollar bill?"

    The bartender (played by Shemp Howard) says - Yes.

    WC Fields says - "What load that is off my mind - I thought I'd lost it"
  13. Three Irish guys walk out of a bar,.......hey,..it could happen! :bag:
  14. A neutron goes into a bar. He has a few drinks, gets up and gets ready to leave. he asks the bartender how much he owes. The bartender says "No charge."
  15. for the win...

    a bassist walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a while the bartender says, I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you.
  16. mid_life_crisis


    Jul 8, 2010
    and says, "get everybody a drink and put it on my bill."
  17. Floyd Eye

    Floyd Eye Inactive

    Feb 21, 2010
    St. Louis
    So a baby seal walks into a club.
  18. walterw

    walterw Supportive Fender Commercial User

    Feb 20, 2009
    a preist, a rabbi, and a duck walk into a bar.

    the bartender looks up and says, "is this a joke?"
  19. williamk


    Apr 2, 2008
    oh DAAAAAM!
  20. BassyBill

    BassyBill The smooth moderator... Gold Supporting Member

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Midlands UK
    Two atoms walking down the street. One starts going through his pockets with a puzzled expression.

    "What's the matter?" asks his companion.
    "I think I've lost an electron" is the reply.
    "Are you sure?"
    "Yes, I'm positive."
  21. Primary

    Primary TB Assistant

    Here are some related products that TB members are talking about. Clicking on a product will take you to TB’s partner, Primary, where you can find links to TB discussions about these products.

    Feb 27, 2021

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