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A summary of our gui**** auditions.

Discussion in 'Band Management [BG]' started by mixtapelove, Dec 28, 2011.

  1. So, we're a band playing mostly 80s covers and a few 70s ones that fit the genre. It's myself, a drummer, and a keyboard player. We are experienced musicians who've recorded professionally, done a little touring... been around. We're doing this 80s thing because it's fun, seems to be popular right now, and there's potential to get paid very well.

    We had a guitarist who played with us for six months, but we lost him in August to a new job in Utah. Since then, we've had one heck of a time replacing him. I've been running ads since mid-September and had maybe 25-30 responses, although half of them seem to run and hide as soon as we return contact with them. I don't think we suck so bad to the point where people want nothing to do with us.... but we seem to be having terrible luck. Our audition process has gone something like this:

    Contestant #1: Guy plays in a country band, does nothing but the same twangy Telecaster licks all night. You should have heard the version we did of 99 Luftballons.... it was hysterical.

    Contestant #2: This guy sounds great. Has good gear. Nice PRS with a bunch of effects. Unfortunately, we're pretty sure he's a serial killer.

    Contestant #3: No show.

    Contestant #4: Guy walks in, shakes our hand. Cracks some jokes, smiles. We get along with him really well. He knows one of us. Shops in our music store. Pulls out a sparkling new Gibson SG.

    He gets lost halfway through first song and confesses that he's only been playing for two weeks and is still taking lessons.

    Contestant #5: No show
    Contestant #6: No show

    #5 and #6 are scheduled on the same night. It has been snowing all afternoon, several inches on the ground and driving conditions are terrible. Nevertheless, we pack all of our gear into our cars and make the trip down to our space, sliding all over unplowed highways. We load it all in while freezing our butts off. And we wait. And wait. And wait. We call it quits. I'm in the early stages of stomach flu and I start getting terrible bouts of nausea. I barely make it home before vomiting about 15 times and spending the next two days in bed with a bucket on the nightstand.

    Contestant #7: Promising candidate cancels on us at the last minute. Since he's the only guy we got this week, we don't rehearse at all.

    Contestant #8: Decides on the day of the audition that he's not interested, but wants to know if our drummer wants to come and audition for HIS band. Again, he's the only guy we got that week, so again we don't even rehearse.

    Contestant #9: No show
    Contestant #10: Called this guy about six times to make sure he came, since we're tired of being stood up. He sounds promising. He writes a 2,000 word essay about how perfect he us for us and how our philosophy and master plan line up. We play one song, and it sounds pretty good. Then we ask him what else he would like to play. He says he didn't learn anything else on our setlist (30+ songs) and doesn't really know any of it. Then he asked us if we knew any Doobie Brothers.

    Our only options right now seem to be to try the serial killer again, or post another ad. I would have thought that in three months, we would have found somebody.
  2. EatADeadGoat


    Aug 29, 2010
    Serial Killer sounds like a cool dude. Be his friend, and he may just bump off people that you don't like.

    BUT! There is another option. Wait for it (terrible idea brewing)

    Get another bass player to play the chords. Madness you say? Yes, but Bassy madness. Give him a bit of distortion and EQ him like a guitar. BAM. You have another bass dude, so no gui****iness.
  3. Bredian


    Apr 22, 2011
    Man, that's a lot of no shows.... do you guys suck? :D

    Busting your chops, but maybe your recordings are off.

    My BL is auditing lead guitarists shortly and has already sent me links of prospects. I can tell by the tape that the guy can gig, so the next step is pretty far along.

    Of course one of the reasons I auditioned for the current band is their videos showed me holes they needed filled and a line of bass players who couldn't play "All Right Now" by Free... now I know the problem was deeper than that. :meh:

    You've made some good decisions so far. A guitarist that doesn't do his homework for a tryout, is trouble ahead. Its time to be picky.
  4. hrodbert696

    hrodbert696 Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    I say either go with the serial killer, or ask #10 if he might possibly try learning some more songs. He got one right, at least, didn't he? Did you just throw the whole set list at him? Try giving him a short list of 4-5 to learn for next time.
  5. Phalex

    Phalex Semper Gumby Supporting Member

    Oct 3, 2006
    G.R. MI
    Turning the serial killer down may be problematic. I tried one out and rejected him once. Luckily the tryouts were at the drummers house so the guy didn't know where I lived. He'd call and stop by for weeks afterwards......
  6. AltGrendel

    AltGrendel Squire Jag SS fan.

    May 21, 2009
    Mid-Atlantic USA.
    Yea, but if he's that new, he may not understand the difference between pratice and rehersal. That could turn into a time waster.
  7. I'd have told #8 "sure, our drummer would love to play with you because we suck anyway. You can use his practice space, it's a fully functional state of the art studio, bring your band and come one over". Then give him directions to a gas station 45 miles away.

  8. Joe Nerve

    Joe Nerve Supporting Member

    Oct 7, 2000
    New York City
    Endorsing artist: Musicman basses
  9. Dark Horse

    Dark Horse Supporting Member

    Jul 31, 2008
    Austin, TX
    That's because you kill them for your own personal enjoyment.

  10. bassbully

    bassbully Endorsed by The PHALEX CORN BASS..mmm...corn!

    Sep 7, 2006
    Blimp City USA
    :p I say give the serial killer a try. He has the chops, gear and you could be wrong about him? Then again you might be right :eyebrow: He would keep you on edge and make band practice and gigs interesting..that's for sure.
  11. JasonLamb


    Aug 17, 2007
    you have to ask yourself is he crazy enough to make you scared or just crazy enough to make you nervous...the latter is ok.
  12. Assuming you've been around a few years, you must know some musician friends in your area.. Call each and every one of them all up and let them know you're looking for a guitarist that is ready to gig in an 80s band.. Then talk to other cover-bands in your area and ask them for a list of subs they use on guitar.. keep going on your ads but definitely don't settle for lame'o 1song or serial killer guy.. get the player your band and bookings deserve.. That's the other thing.. book some gigs quickly..
  13. Freddels

    Freddels Musical Anarchist

    Apr 7, 2005
    Sutton, MA
    I'd call back the serial killer. If he joins the band, put him in charge of collections from those hiring you. :)
  14. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
    Bring the serial killer in for a second audition. Leave a pair of boxers/briefs in plain view in your rehearsal space. If he doesn't pick up the briefs to sniff them, you're probably safe.
  15. jive1

    jive1 Commercial User

    Jan 16, 2003
    Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound

    Reach for the top before scraping from the bottom. People are always looking for work, or know someone that is. The busy players are always referring work for each other, and they WANT to help others find it, because the 'network' is essential to their success. Personally, CL is a place of last resort. I'd much rather use someone I know and skip the whole audition process.

    If you don't have gigs on the books, book some. If you have gigs, you may be surprised at how many quality player appear out of the woodwork.
  16. lowfreq33


    Jan 27, 2010
    Endorsing Artist: Genz Benz Amplification
    This. Most really good players don't want to fool with start-ups because a lot of them never get off the ground. If you have gigs booked they'll start lining up.
  17. We've stopped using Craigslist. Pretty much all the no shows came from that, so our success rate there isn't any good.

    The drummer is going to jams. I'm canvassing every guitar player who walks in this store. Patience is a virtue, I guess.
  18. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Let me have their phone numbers. I will call them, and tell them you call them "gui****s," and they won't work with you.
  19. Be my guest. Sometimes the shoe fits.

    I'm not going to pull any punches when I've had my time wasted on multiple occasions by people who won't even give me the courtesy of a phone call or text message.
  20. mellowinman

    mellowinman Free Man

    Oct 19, 2011
    Maybe, but when I go out Saturday night and play our New Year's Eve show, I won't be wondering who's playing guitar.

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