So, we're a band playing mostly 80s covers and a few 70s ones that fit the genre. It's myself, a drummer, and a keyboard player. We are experienced musicians who've recorded professionally, done a little touring... been around. We're doing this 80s thing because it's fun, seems to be popular right now, and there's potential to get paid very well. We had a guitarist who played with us for six months, but we lost him in August to a new job in Utah. Since then, we've had one heck of a time replacing him. I've been running ads since mid-September and had maybe 25-30 responses, although half of them seem to run and hide as soon as we return contact with them. I don't think we suck so bad to the point where people want nothing to do with us.... but we seem to be having terrible luck. Our audition process has gone something like this: Contestant #1: Guy plays in a country band, does nothing but the same twangy Telecaster licks all night. You should have heard the version we did of 99 Luftballons.... it was hysterical. Contestant #2: This guy sounds great. Has good gear. Nice PRS with a bunch of effects. Unfortunately, we're pretty sure he's a serial killer. Contestant #3: No show. Contestant #4: Guy walks in, shakes our hand. Cracks some jokes, smiles. We get along with him really well. He knows one of us. Shops in our music store. Pulls out a sparkling new Gibson SG. He gets lost halfway through first song and confesses that he's only been playing for two weeks and is still taking lessons. Contestant #5: No show Contestant #6: No show #5 and #6 are scheduled on the same night. It has been snowing all afternoon, several inches on the ground and driving conditions are terrible. Nevertheless, we pack all of our gear into our cars and make the trip down to our space, sliding all over unplowed highways. We load it all in while freezing our butts off. And we wait. And wait. And wait. We call it quits. I'm in the early stages of stomach flu and I start getting terrible bouts of nausea. I barely make it home before vomiting about 15 times and spending the next two days in bed with a bucket on the nightstand. Contestant #7: Promising candidate cancels on us at the last minute. Since he's the only guy we got this week, we don't rehearse at all. Contestant #8: Decides on the day of the audition that he's not interested, but wants to know if our drummer wants to come and audition for HIS band. Again, he's the only guy we got that week, so again we don't even rehearse. Contestant #9: No show Contestant #10: Called this guy about six times to make sure he came, since we're tired of being stood up. He sounds promising. He writes a 2,000 word essay about how perfect he us for us and how our philosophy and master plan line up. We play one song, and it sounds pretty good. Then we ask him what else he would like to play. He says he didn't learn anything else on our setlist (30+ songs) and doesn't really know any of it. Then he asked us if we knew any Doobie Brothers. Our only options right now seem to be to try the serial killer again, or post another ad. I would have thought that in three months, we would have found somebody.