A Temporary Good-Bye

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by Ryan L., Jan 16, 2003.

  1. Ryan L.

    Ryan L. Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Aug 7, 2000
    West Fargo, ND
    Well, it looks like I will not be around here very much for awhile. My worst nightmare has come true, and I have to figure out how to deal with it now.

    On Monday, I got home from work, only to find that our apartment was cleaned out of most everything. My computer, all the kids' belongings, my wife's belongings, some furniture, and various other items were gone. All that was left is a note saying that my wife thought her and the kids would be better off living away from me, with her parents, who are over 90 miles away from me. No warning, no talking, no nothing.

    I have not been able to get in contact with her, they will not answer the phone, will not return phone calls or emails, absolutely nothing. This is the most helpless feeling in the world. I just don't know what else I can do if she will not talk to me. Sit and wait, I guess.

    My mom was able to get ahold of her once, and all she could say is that she has been unhappy here, basically since my father died, because my mood hasn't been very good. Which it hasn't, and maybe I should have talked to a counsellor about it before this, but I guess I just didn't realize exactly what it was doing to my family. I just wish she could have sat down and talked to me about it instead of running away.

    So, JT, you will probaby have to handle Basses without me, at least for awhile. I would have taken the time to PM you and Paul about this, but I don't have my own computer right now, so I am using a friend's right now. I will try and get on here once in awhile, but until I get my life in order, I might not be around much.

    So, good-bye for now. I hope to see ya all again soon.

  2. odie

    odie Supporting Member

    Man Im so sorry to hear about this. When I listen to you and Gard and others tell me things like this it reminds me of when I was in your postition. It sucks worse than anyone can imagine.

    If there is anything I can do to help, just holler. If your passing thru the Cities and you need to unwind let me know. I'll PM my phone number to you.

    Take care and I hope for the best for you!!
  3. P. Aaron

    P. Aaron Supporting Member

    I don't know you that well Ryan, but I hope you can work things out and find happiness.

    Best Wishes.

    P. Aaron
  4. moley


    Sep 5, 2002
    Hampshire, UK
    Oh man, I'm really sorry! That must be horrible. From those first few lines you wrote about your appartment being cleaned out, I thought you were gonna say you'd been robbed. But it's worse than that... And from what you said, she took your stuff as well as her's and the kids'?

    Good luck man, I hope you get things sorted out.
  5. I hope things work out for you. All the best!

  6. PollyBass

    PollyBass ******

    Jun 25, 2001
    Shreveport, LA
    Oh man,, that really bites. Well, i hope things get sorted out, ... and i won't comment on what little you have said,,, but i might agree with josh that she could have at least talked to you before she took everything, and left with your kids.
  7. :(

    Not :cool: , man. Sorry to hear it.
  8. HeavyDuty

    HeavyDuty Supporting Curmudgeon Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    Jun 26, 2000
    Suburban Chicago, IL
    Best of luck to you, bud...
  9. oddentity

    oddentity Supporting Member

    Nov 20, 2000
  10. Ryan,

    Sorry for what you're going thru, dude!
    In a big way....

    Stay in touch with friends. It can help in times like this.

    Best of luck - you're in my thoughts,

  11. Yogi Bear

    Yogi Bear Supporting Member

    Aug 14, 2000
    Take care and good luck. I hope things work out for you.
  12. Hey Ryan - sorry to hear this.:(

    Having been through several separations from my ex over 24 years of marriage before the final one (each one less of a surprise than the previous one), I feel for what you are going through. But regardless of what happens now, remember that things will get better.

    Chin up, man, and don't be afraid to find a counsellor to help talk things out.
  13. reachjkh


    Nov 21, 2002
    Lee's Summit, MO
    I'm sorry to hear this. I hope you are able to put things back together.
    I wish you well,
  14. man, thats terrible. Hopefully she'll talk to you eventually about it and you can work things out.

    I wish you all the best man
  15. Ryan, I don't know what to say. :(

    I remember you telling us your dad died, but now this?

    I wish you only the best and hope you can work things out. You will be missed.

    Mike :confused:
  16. DarkMazda


    Jun 3, 2000
    Ryan, you know we will always be here for you! Good luck!

  17. Sonic

    Sonic Lord of the Grump

    Oh man, that's ruff dude. I can't really say anything to make you feel better. But dude, it's gonna suck around here without you:( . Good luck man
  18. Woodchuck


    Apr 21, 2000
    Atlanta / Macon (sigh)
    Gallien Krueger for the last 12 years!
    Damn! I've been here before. Please, do me a favor? DO YOU! Meaning: get yourself together first, then work on the other stuff. Good luck, I'm pulling for you.
  19. cb56


    Jul 2, 2000
    Central Illinois
    Man that is lame!!! I hate to say this but it sounds like her mind was made up and didn't want to offer you the chance to work things out. Hang in there. I hope she sees the error of her ways and offers the chance to save the marriage for the kids sake at least. I hope you have some close family or friends nearby that may be able to help you out. Being a veteran of a couple of divorces myself (hope yours turns out not to be) I can vouch for it really sucking. Do you have access to any councelling through work or church or something? Sometimes having an outsider with experience in these matters can help. Anyway I hope for the best for you.
  20. Gard

    Gard Commercial User

    Mar 31, 2000
    Greensboro, NC, USA
    General Manager, Roscoe Guitars

    ....damn man....

    :( :( :( :(

    ...I don't know what to say, my friend.

    I really appreciated your support when my trial began (and it continues....unfortunately), and I am here for you at anytime - PM me and I'll be happy to give you my phone number if you just want to talk my friend.

    We are brothers in a new way now...not just as bassists, but also as seperated husbands. I cannot begin to feel the pain of being seperated from children, as I have none, but I know the pain of being away from a wife that you love - and it is a terrible pain.

    Listen to the advice above: Take care of yourself, if you make you better emotionally/psychologically, you will have a much better chance of resolving things with your wife & children. Don't be shy about seeking counseling - I have and it has been a wonderful experience. It has helped me see myself clearly for the first time in my life, and to see the path to resolving my own issues. Remember, you cannot fix what is not right in anyone else, all you can do is deal with your own demons, and hope that will be enough to bring things back to where you want them.

    Something my counselor said to me seems fitting:

    You have to see you need to change, and do so. Think of yourself as a flower about to blossom, that's what change is. Go about your change, your "blossoming", quietly - a flower never makes a fuss about attracting a bee, it quietly opens to show its new self, and the bee comes to it. Think of your wife as the bee...and just be a better you, if things are right, the bee will come to the flower.

    Good luck my brother, and don't hesitate to contact me if there is anything at all that I can do to help.