A wee laugh

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by deanobg, Nov 29, 2001.

  1. Hey all - ages since I posted (#$%@ work!!!!)

    Anyway - here's a wee yarn one of my friends sent me - see what you think?



    In the beginning there was a bass. It was a fender, probably Precision, but it could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old, definitely pre-C.B.S. And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was very good in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (though man would later try). And so he let it be and he created a man to play the bass.

    And lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful 'sunburst' red, and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang through the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments (thus reverb came to be.) And it was good. And God heard that it was good and he smiled at his handiwork. Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass.
    And lo it was funky. And God heard this funkiness and he said, "Go man, go."

    And it was good.

    And more time passed, and, having little else to do, the man came to practice upon the bass.
    And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like breeze through the heavens.

    And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which he had created
    earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture, which he hadn't created
    yet, and he was not so pleased.

    And he spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!"

    Now the man heard the voice of God, but
    he was so excited about his new ability that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes.
    And the heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion.
    (Some of the angels started to dance, but that's another story.)

    And God heard this - how could he miss it - and lo he became bugged.

    And he spoke to the man, and he said, "listen man, if I wanted Jimmy Hendrix, I would have
    created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts." And the man heard the voice of God, and he
    knew not to mess with it. But now he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. The man took the frets off the bass which God had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon the neck.
    And, in his excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a
    frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks.
    And the heavens rocked with the assault and the earth shook, rattled and rolled.

    Now gods wrath was great. And his voice was thunder as he spoke to the man. And he said, "OK for you, pal. You have not heeded my word. Lo, I shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can even think of."
    "And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall play so many notes thine
    head shall ache, and I shall make you always stand next to the drummer."
    "You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to make thine ears bleed.
    And I shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and lo, they shall be able to play higher and faster than the bass."
    "And for all the days of man, your course shall be this; that all the other musicians shall look to you,
    the bass player, for the low notes.
    And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "Wow" but really they shall hate it.
    And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo career, and find other bass players for their bands.
    And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them
    in like a thief in the night."
    "And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and go talk to one
    another about the boring bass solo."

    And it was so
  2. Tom Crofts

    Tom Crofts

    Mar 15, 2001
  3. Justin V

    Justin V

    Dec 27, 2000
    Alameda, CA
    Now why weren't we taught that back in religion class? :)
  4. kirbywrx

    kirbywrx formerly James Hetfield

    Jul 27, 2000
    Melbourne, Australia.
  5. paski


    Sep 2, 2001
    Split, Croatia
  6. I'm gonna have to give that to my RE teacher....
  7. Dave Castelo

    Dave Castelo

    Apr 19, 2000
    LOL i liked it... who wrote that?
  8. I'm really not sure Dave - it was forwarded to me by a mate?!

  9. b0nes83


    Dec 14, 2000
    LO....L i really liked it. peace
  10. Dumfish


    Oct 6, 2001
    Santa Rosa, Ca
    oh, thats what happened. Its all coming together now.;)
  11. ldiezman


    Jul 11, 2001
    hah hah.. thats good stuff.. i dig it
  12. I got another religion one for ya.

    Rock on
  13. CrawlingEye

    CrawlingEye Member

    Mar 20, 2001
    Easton, Pennsylvania

    hahahahahhaha :D
  14. It's Tony Levin, in his book I think..
  15. Gman


    Jan 4, 2000
    Indianapolis, IN
    I think it IS Tony Levin. It's been posted here before. Somebody took a couple of liberties with one or the other, cause they were a little different.

  16. yebb.. this sure is Tony Levin.. :D

    great story!
  17. John Davis

    John Davis Guest

    Mar 27, 2001
    Houston, Texas
    L*gasp for air*O*gasp for air*L!!!!!
  18. Might as well shove another funny pic in here. Another gem from engrish.com.

    Rock on
  19. CrawlingEye

    CrawlingEye Member

    Mar 20, 2001
    Easton, Pennsylvania

    Is it me, or does the one stick figure have a penis? :eek: :D
  20. Now finally a story from the bible that makes sence. haha